News in Brief-Cruise Is A ‘Nob As Enda Assembles Egg Deterrent Army

Tom Cruise is a Nobber! It’s true, it’s true, he apparently has ancestral links back to the town in County Meath (whose name isn’t funny at all). Not only that but it seems Cruise could be a distant relation (with a capital DISTANT) to our dear Ryan Tubridy, now Tubs has had his wages cut perhaps Tom could lend him a few euro.

Misquoting, is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake’ Stephen Dedalus said in the wake of the production of the celebratory silver James Joyce coins. Featuring a line from Joyce’s great work Ulysses the €10 coins (which cost €43) released by the Central Bank have had to be withdrawn and an embarrassed apology offered after an extra word was added. Honestly, next they’ll be putting in punctuation. Perhaps the sculptor who designed the coins was demonstrating her own stream of consciousness?

’An egg flies through the air. Oblivious, Taoiseach Enda Kenny straightens his tie and turns his face towards the assembled audience. Swoosh. A black and gold clad blur intercepts the egg at the last moment shattering its soft centre on impact and in the opposite direction. Mr Kenny moves on uninterrupted.’

It’s like the beginning of a James Bond movie set in Leinster House, where we learnt this week, the ushers have been taught the art of jiu-jitsu to deal with aggressors and possible cat-stroking wannabe-dictators. 19 members of staff have attended self-defence courses apparently to avoid such egg related incidents but NIB isn’t sure Enda isn’t establishing his own private army. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

You may not have seen or heard of Judge Judy before (perhaps you work during the day ooohhhhh well excuse us) either way she’s America’s answer to Jeremy Kyle with some actual qualifications. You don’t know who Jeremy Kyle is either? Stop reading now. News in Brief isn’t for you. We started with a Nobber joke. Save yourself some time and go read Ulysses. Anyway Judge Judith Sheindlin has been in Dublin this week receiving an award from UCD. She is now the Vice President of UCD’s Law society proving crime and daytime TV shows do pay.

You may remember last year NIB was more than a little derogatory about the Titanic Centenary celebrations. Well. This year the big-wigs up in Belfast are planning the 101st anniversary celebrations of the ill-fated liner. Really. And on that note, til next week-

Oh, just in case you missed the midweek draw, this weeks lotto numbers were, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6 and 9, or possibly six. Sure feck it, we’ve all won!

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