News in Brief – Photocopy murder? Best leave It To The Gardaí

"You're not in America now, sonny."

“You’re not in America now, sonny jim.”

Apparently 25 per cent of us fear being found out as lacking at work. Many of those suggesting accidentally viewing porn or something us NSFW (not safe for work) is their biggest fear. Eight per cent, according to the report in The Sun, think the photocopier is out to get them. Oh dear.

People “shouldn’t be mucking around in Garda business”. This isn’t film noir, it’s Noonan. Far away on the L.A. suburbs familiar to detective novels the Gardai are apparently having their evidence fiddled with, causing problems in court. Enter Noonan, he was a quiet man, a maverick, some call him crazy, some call him . . . other things. Passing comment in relation to the Anglo Tapes being leaked to the press he said: “The Gardai are the ones who investigate crime in this country”. Good to know of course but not exactly the narrative of a great crime thriller.

Should we abolish daylight saving time? That is the question in the Dáil today. The Brighter Evenings Bill, which sounds rather nice, has been put forward by Labour TD Tommy Broughan and would see us using the same time zone as wider Europe. Hhhmm, doing the same thing as Europe, that’s never got us into trouble before has it? If the bill was passed it could mean fewer hours spent in wintry darkness, but you know the government would find a way to tax our sun consumption.

Did you see Danny Healy-Rae’s TV debut? Ah, you may have missed it, it was his debut on German television where he received two million viewers as he argued the case for Garda leniency in rural drink-driving cases. Spiegel TV broadcast the publican councillor’s argument under the title ‘Three Guinness is still ok isn’t it?’ Featuring pub regular ’Francie’ it’s definitely worth a watch, get to a YouTube now.

It has been suggested that bylaws be introduced to stop the dumping of rabbits on Dalkey Island in Dublin Bay. Not unlike an episode of Father Ted domestic goats have also turned up on Dalkey and a recently deposed Lion Brian O’Driscoll . . .

That’s it for this week. Enjoy the sun – if you’re not a miserable bastard like NIB – you don’t know how long it will be tax-free.

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