News in Brief – Mourners Upset As Travellers Brawl At Cemetery

fightIt’s that time again, for our weekly round-up of all the mad crap that goes on in this country.

Without wanting to upset anyone NIB starts with some terrible, terrible news. Louis Walsh is going to leave the X Factor. Noooooooooo. Anyway on with this week’s news.

It all kicked off in Mullingar at Cemetery Sunday last weekend after the news Louis was leaving broke. Only joking. Up to 2,000 mourners were at the Ballyglass Cemetery for the annual mass at the graves of their loved ones, when two rival Traveller families armed with golf clubs, knives and missiles decided it was the perfect time for a friendly fight. Apparently the array was provoked when one member admitted to liking Mullingar’s Bressie more than number one son Niall Horan.

Brian (previously Bryan) McFadden was also in Mullingar with wife Vogue (not a real name), tweeting he was driving round looking for Niall and Bressie. He’s even bought his own bat. Reports of him starting the fight at the Cemetery though have been greatly exaggerated. (By NIB there were none.)

If it’s not mass brawls it’s Riverdance. The national symbol of stamping about in a line, popular the world over, since Eurovision in the 1990s, has come into disrepute. It turns out an illegal Riverdance tribute has been operating in Russia, touring Latvia, Estonia, Ukraine and Lithuania. Founders John McColgan and Moya Doherty are none too happy and have gone to court to stop the show! The case was delayed however as Michael Carr, the man behind the tribute company didn’t turn up to give his defence. Moya and John stamped angrily from the room in a very straight line.

Gardai in Naas have opened a lost property office after last week’s Oxegen festival. Those who misplaced phones, wallets or other valuables that are easily identifiable can contact the station to see if they’ve been saved. No you can’t claim your drugs back.

The boy will be back in town, boy will be back in toowwwnnn. Yes, Thin Lizzy’s Phil Lynott is coming back to Dublin. A statue of him anyway, to replace the one that was so cruelly knocked from it’s plinth in the past by Brian McFadden, or two men in their twenties. Anyway, the second unveiling is due to take place with a celebratory street party to celebrate the late Irish singer. It’s all well and good but when will people recognise the man amongst men that is Louis Walsh?

What a musical melee of a week it has been, brawls and bar chords up and down the country. NIB has been inspired though to create a new kind of dance that will mark Ireland out from the rest of the world and take on Riverdance, it shall be called Liffey Jig and feature dancers moving in diagonal lines! Book your tickets now it’s going to be big.

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