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News In Brief – Reilly Plans Free GP Care As Hotel Cancels Beauty Pageant

Toddlers-and-Tiaras_1941

Remember last week when Bob Geldof was off to space? If only every week was like that the world would be a happier place*. Instead we’ve got protestors and pageants.

What’s the difference between a blobfish (last week’s winner of World’s Ugliest Animal) and the Minister for Health? One understands the intricacies of government spending and the healthcare needs of the country, the other doesn’t. NIB will let you come to your own conclusion which is which . . . James Reilly meanwhile has told Sean O’Rourke on RTE how he plans to bring in free GP care for all Irish citizens and more freebies for kids! Hurrah! But how Mr Reilly? We haven’t got any cash. Ah. Well, it might be slightly ’ambitious’ he told Sean, but sure feck it anyway, it’ll be a bit of craic.

Bracken Court Hotel in Balbriggan has pulled out of hosting a ’Toddlers and Tiaras’ type beauty pageant for babies, toddlers and teens, this weekend. Awwww. NIB hears you all say. Apparently they didn’t realise the ’true nature’ of the event and feel it goes against the family ethos of the business. That or they’ve got fed up of everyone slagging them off on Twitter for hosting a disturbing and frankly demented, antiquated, Americanised, ritualistic removal of the innocence of youth. No NIB’s not a big fan.

One non-Irish story for you all this week as it simply beggars belief, rap lap-dog to Kim Kardashian, Kanye West was performing on Later with Jools Holland last week, where upon his arrival at the studios demanded his dressing room be completely covered white and his carpet ironed. His carpet, ironed. . . !!!!???!!!!

A special Garda force has been set up to trawl through the footage of Wednesday nights protest in Dublin. The protestors, which included members of Sinn Fein, anti-austerity groups and the peaceful ex-Priory Hall residents kicked off at rush hour causing commuter problems across Dublin. Transport Minister Leo Varadkar wasn’t pleased, describing the protestors as ’a disgrace’ and it meant he had to walk home which isn’t fair because he’s the King of the roads and he’s going to tell his mammy on them all! Anyway, while the guards are busy watching telly I’m sure we could all find something fun to do, like paint pictures of Che Guevara everywhere!

NIB was thrilled to see the people of Kilkee reprinted their Che Guevara mural last week after having to remove it for upsetting some American tourists. In fact they’ve got two now and a complete absence of Americans, win win!

*NIB would like to offer, to whoever is in charge, a further list of Irish ’celebs’, officials and annoying people who should be sent to space with Bob Geldof.

Image courtesy of TVTropes.org

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