News In Brief-Fine Gael TD Puts His Foot In It As Gingers Set To Revolt

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Some weeks NIB thinks the World can be a strange place, others it is completely and utterly insane.

These are modern times, if asked who they love with all their hearts, most young children are more likely to say Santy than Jesus. Or Harry Styles and the rest of One Direction. Kids in Limerick then will be disappointed that the date of their first Holy Communion has not been changed so they can go to a 1D concert. Gaelscoil an Raithin was forced to ballot parents after discussions about a potential move to three weeks earlier got out of hand. You might not see them in mass but they love a good row. Parents voted overwhelmingly to keep the original date, 24th May for communion, also the day of the boys sold out gig in Croke Park. Don’t worry though kids, they’re shit.

Fine Gael TD Alan Farrell managed to make an arse of himself while trying to say something sensible. In regard to the recent scandal between Sinead O’Connor and Miley Cyrus, (open letter-gate) Farrell attempted to approve Sinead’s stance on the Late Late of denigrating women in a tweet. However he prefaced this with: ‘I think Sinead O’Connor is mad as a brush’. Rather missing her point of mental health awareness. Well done Alan.

In Waterford the former president of the Institute of Technology is being pursued to reimburse expenses claimed during his time as premier. Among the litany of expensive flights, taxi trips to and from Dublin, fine art and flowers that WIT want paying for were also a couple of books: Claudia Carroll’s ‘I Never Fancied Him Anyway’ and Jill Mansell’s romantic romp ‘Mixed Doubles’. Oo Er. There’s no accounting for taste. (An expenses based joke, I thank you.)

As potential tobacco regulations are discussed to make Ireland fag-free let us spare a thought for sniffer dogs like Harvey, who works for the Revenue and recently discovered €10,560 of tobacco in East Cork. After a long day of sniffing for drugs, drink, fags or cash, he likes nothing more than to lay by the fire puffing on his pipe occasionally licking himself. The Love/Hate cat also likes the odd fag between takes and Shergar was a well-known smoker. How do you think Harvey became a sniffer dog? Only after humans forced him onto twenty a day so he’d recognise the scent. Making Ireland smoke free won’t only force awkward conversations at parties as we’re all trapped in the same room, it will also ruin the simple pleasures of our best animal friends.

Apparently redheads could be planning a revolt according to Irish Central. The bizarre story which seems to be entirely based on the comments of two people who happen to be ginger cites redhead abuse as still one of the biggest issues of discrimination, after racism, sexism, ageism and you know everything else. An Irish bar manager said: ‘They say gingers have a bad temper. They could strike out . . . . at any time’. A 21 year-old-model has also been forced to refute the belief that redheads don’t have souls: ‘we do have souls’, she said.

So there. Between One Direction and redheads, what have we learned this week? Stop reading the papers, don’t watch the news and for God’s sake give smoking dogs a break.

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