News in Brief – IMF Here To Stay As Anti-Semites Attack Shatter


Our Troika days may be numbered but the IMF won’t be leaving just yet, according to the Mission Chief (a misleadingly exciting title if ever there was one). Nope, officers of the IMF could be here well into 2015 to make sure we don’t be bold with our budget again. It’s reported they’ve all developed a taste for the Guinness and can’t remember the way home, that’s the official line anyway, reality is they want to keep their eyes on Enda et. al. to make sure we’re still paying back every bit of bailout we owe. The Mission Chief (seriously, sounds like an astronaut or something) has said we could still be settling our debts up to 2023 but for now, he’ll only be checking in for sixth monthly visits. Byyeeee!

There’s been some particularly troubling protesting going on in West Limerick after a selection of anti-Semitic posters were put up across Sugar Hill Bridge. The posters, that appeared overnight, largely carry the sentiment that Alan Shatter is some kind of cartoon Jewish villain that’s trying to turn our country into Palestine. Whilst this kind of attitude is not acceptable in contemporary society, points are awarded for imagination, what Shatter’s faith has to do on his role in government is undefinable. Laughable really, like the poster that uniquely referred to the Protection of Life During Pregnancy Bill and called Enda Kenny, Enda Herod. Honestly lads, he’s a big enough head already without thinking he’s a king!

Cork had its own protests too, except of a much gentler nature. Over 500 hundred pensioners gathered in the city centre this week, to maintain a silent protest! That’ll tell them. Perhaps it was ironic and in reference to the phone bill allowance benefit being cut? Or they’d forgotten why they were there.

Apparently one Irish person leaves this country every six minutes. Soon it’ll only be those IMF lads left, and Louis Walsh. And RATS!

Yes, we are being warned that during our hot July, we weren’t the only ones enjoying ourselves. Mice and rats were apparently at it like rodents, if you will, feasting on bumper crops then f–alling in love repeatedly. Over and over again. And so now, as the weather cools down experts have warned they could soon be moving indoors and we’ll have more than the extended family for Christmas. NOT ONLY THAT, but they are MUTANT RATS. Holy Mary. These rats, which according to the Herald look ‘just like normal rats’ are immune to common pesticides and have been found in the UK causing a representative of the British Pest Control Association (a great bunch of lads) to comment: “They eat poison like feed – you might as well be leaving out grain for them.” Let’s not start panicking just yet, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles turned out all right.

In celeb news one of the stars of Made in Chelsea was in Brown Thomas for a bit. That is all.

Another week in brief, and as the weather gets colder watch out for mutant rats and IMF officers nesting in your garage.

Image courtesy of the Limerick Leader

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