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News in Brief – Top College Unveils “Sex Toy” Sculpture

sculpture

Apparently we’re all €100,000 better off, on paper (NIB is actually €3 gazillion better off on this if you print off this bit of paper), due to the rise in property prices. It’s all fictional, like the figures banks trade in every day, which in reality is made up of much more meagre funds, and they’re ours. But anyway, it’s good news!

A man has been banned from every pub in Dublin, after being picked up by Gardai for being drunk and disorderly. This story is not to be confused with the Bertie bashing last week, when former Taoiseach Ahern was given a whack round the earlobes by another punter with a crutch. Although perhaps banning Bertie from every pub in Dublin would prevent similar problems in the future. Just an idea.

Someone’s set up a Facebook page dedicated to the 999 things not to do in Tralee which has sparked outrage across Kerry. The list includes all sorts, knowable only to locals but number one, and causing most offence is: ‘Don’t live here.’ Perhaps another item on the list could be; don’t take a JobBridge internship as a cleaner at the Kerry attraction Aqua Dome. The Aqua Dome was advertising a nine-month internship during which one lucky person would be taught all aspects of ‘cleaning’, how to mop floors and open bleach etc. The problem with this isn’t the position offered, but rather the paltry €50 benefit bonus the applicant would receive rather than actually being given a cleaning job that would last longer than nine months and not make them feel like the most-unappreciated member of society since Senator David Norris ran for President.

Banner Carpets and Flooring in Clare has had to tone down an advertising slogan after it was deemed too raunchy to be included in a GAA programme. The ad, which shows a couple lying on a carpet says: ‘We sell beautifully soft carpets. How you choose to enjoy it is up to you.’ The GAA committee thought this would be inappropriate given the number of children attending the match so the ad was omitted. NIB doesn’t get it, they were just having a nice nap, after laying their new carpet weren’t they?

If only the sex police intervened in the unveiling of Trinity’s interesting new sculpture. You’d need to have a look at it for yourselves, it’s pretty special, depicting so accurately, as it does, an enormous sex toy.

In showbiz news, Kian Egan’s off to the jungle for I’m A Celebrity, no really he is a celebrity, of sorts anyway. He was one of the ones that stood behind Westlife.

Now, ow, go forth and google Trinity’s sex toy, and Kian Egan if you don’t believe NIB, he really is a celebrity!

Image courtesy of MSN/DailyEdge.ie

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