News in Brief- Cork Ice Cream Men Brawl As President Visits UK


Two ice cream men have themselves whipped up into a frenzy as both face charges for assault. Frederick Williams (31), of Gurranabraher, Cork and Alan O’Halloran (29), from Churchfield, Cork have begun a turf war over the best ice cream spots in the second city after things got a little out of hand. An altercation became violent and, it has been claimed, one of the men reached into the other’s van and ‘pulled his ice cream lever’. (Please insert your own appropriate ice cream pun).

Did you know?! RTE spends over €1,000 a day on hair and make-up and that’s not just on the upkeep of Brian Dobson’s coiffure! In figures revealed by The Sun, RTE haven’t been holding back when it comes to making sure their stars look radiant, glowing and like they’ve spent the last 20 minutes in a very hot oven. That’s not all though €18,682 went on food and drink for the Late Late green room in one year. That’s not just any backstage food, that’s M&S backstage food.

NIB has been labouring under a misapprehension, we thought St Patrick got rid of all the snakes in this country but seemingly not after one fell out of a dishwasher in Cavan. When the appliance broke down, at a pub in Cavan, owner Michael Mooney decided on some DIY plumbing but was mightily surprised to find a deceased 2ft serpent. He has now decided to retain the reptile and is applying to the Pope to label it a relic.

France have introduced a new law that means when workers clock off at 6pm they are contractually obliged to ignore emails and calls from their supervisors. Don’t know what’s taken the French so long, the NIB office has been running a similar policy for years, though it starts about 9am.

The Queen has had the most awkward dinner date ever this week with a right old bunch of mad paddies. From Amy Huberman to Martin McGuinness, anyone whose anyone and Irish was there as part of President Higgins first official state visit to Britain. Apart from Jedward and NIB. Reportedly Her Maj had to invite Northern Ireland First Minister Peter Robinson after she lost a bet with the Duke of Edinburgh so NIB is relieved our invite got lost in the post.

Former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern said this week he wished he’d seen the fiscal crash coming so he could have done something, like Superman holding back a burning meteorite from the open cradle of a baby. Oh Bertie. If only you had done something many moons ago, like moved to Australia and become an outback farmer . . . sorry, slipped into a private fantasy there.

And finally, if any happens to find Colin Farrell’s missing Abrakebabra Gold card please return to:
News in Brief,
Somewhere in Mullingar,
(That’s in Westmeath).


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