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News in Brief – Bins, Ming and the Taoiseach’s Things

Ming Campainging for BOI to Keep our Fur!

Ming campaigning for BOI to Keep our Fur!

A 90-year-old woman is being pursued by debt collectors for a €14 bin fine. That’s right, while the world crumbles and Ming Flanagan seems our most viable option for Europe, Dublin City Council want their €14 back! The woman, who has not been named, lives alone in inner-city Dublin and became the subject of the debt collectors interest over an unpaid bill dating back to the privatisation of Dublin’s waste collection services. Four letters were sent threatening aggressive legal action and publication in Stubbs Gazette. Well done lads, what a lovely bunch you are, can NIB point you in the direction of a Mr Shatter who owes us €70k?

A painting by Michael Flatley tops the list of the Taoiseach’s most expensive gifts. The painting title ‘The Irish Potato Famine’ was created by Flatley daubing his feet in paint and dancing on a canvas (and you can tell) and has been valued at €5000. Other gifts include a golden replica of the Mecca Royal Hotel Clock Tower (Enda’s a bingo fan), a bust of JFK, a bottle of booze from the Queen and a boat. So that’s nice isn’t it? Good old Enda. NIB got three pairs of tights last Christmas . . .

Still at least we don’t have to worry about where we’re going to keep all of our furs. Bank of Ireland will no longer stash your precious furs for free, prompting outrage from beaver botherers who are just going to have to squeeze them back into their sizeable walk-in wardrobes in their Dalkey estates.

Rory McIlroy is apparently ‘living in the 70s’ since his split from Caroline Wozniacki, he already has the fro but reports have been confirmed he’s taken to wearing high-waisted flares and is growing a sizeable tash. According to the papers he’s given up his laptop and turned off his phone in an effort to avoid his never-now-to-be-wife Wozniacki sending him angry snapchats. Awww what becomes of the broken-hearted?

They go on holiday! Hurrah! Summer is coming and no longer will we be forced to listen to Ryanair blowing their own trumpet! Ryanair have responded to a Twitter campaign to rid their flights of the tedious tooting on ‘yet another on-time arrival’ – they’ve finally figured out we know they over-estimate flight times. Rumour has it they might also be binning the controversial pin-up calendar they sell on-board, hurrah for Michael O’Leary . . . ?

Hmm, on that note NIB will call it a day for another week. Good luck.

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