News In Brief: Varadkar Says Cups Are Ok As Dempsey Springs To The Rescue

Don't be a mug while your driving! (image:

Don’t be a mug while your driving! (image:

Musician Damien Dempsey has cemented his place in Wexford’s own Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of fame after rescuing two ailing swimmers in the River Slaney, before drying himself off and carrying on to his scheduled gig. What a man. He didn’t even mention it afterwards. According to reports he swam him, towed the swimmers back to safety, got out, picked up his shoes and walked off into the sunset. Honest to God. Dempsey for president!

Also heroic this week was efforts by criminals to get drugs into Dublin’s Wheatfield prison. From outside the prison grounds someone commandeered a drone helicopter, complete with hi-tech camera into the assembled prisoners waiting in the yard. Unfortunately they were somewhat foiled by the protective mesh covering the yard (after the RA tried a jailbreak in a similar way some years back). Some drugs made it in though and an armed robber from Tallaght was being kept under supervision until the packets he swallowed made their, ahem, natural reappearance. Well done lads, well done.

In other vaguely related crime news Minister for Transport has confirmed reports that though, texting and using the internet are now banned when behind the wheel, he had no plans to ban cups. Sinn Féin TD Sandra McLellan was questioning Varadkar on the legality of people drinking, eating or ‘other’ (ohh err) behind the wheel to which Leo replied; ‘A person who is observed driving dangerously as a result of their cup holding would be liable for prosecution under those provisions, it is unlikely that someone would be making or receiving a call, texting or browsing the internet through their cup.’ And that’s why Leo doesn’t work at Apple.

We are taking agin Greyhound refuse collectors, well NIB isn’t they haven’t done anything to us, but some people are. Staff are going on a strike today against proposed pay cuts, leaving the company up a particularly dirt littered creek. That’s not the only problem for Greyhound though, according to Clare Daly, when the regular staff clock in the evening Greyhound are then soliciting casual workers from car parks. She’s even asked the Taoiseach to intervene in what she’s described as: “an episode of The Sopranos.” She must have been referring to all those horse-meat lasagnes they had to get rid of.

And finally, a murder mystery to leave you with, less of the murder though, and not really much of a mystery: Dunnes shopping bags have been turning up in Moscow. The Dunnes Stores or Dinnes Stories as some of them are labelled have been cropping up across social media leading Irish consumers to question from whence did they come? The Kremlin hasn’t gone all Paul Costello yet though, it seems the bags were simply a surplus, sold off by Dunnes to unwitting Russians. Strange but true . . . ? Strange but who cares?

That’s it enough, go away, you’ve had your fill. NIB’s tired.


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