News In Brief: Silly Season Kicks Off And It’s Bad News For Seagulls

‘They’ve lost the run of themselves.’ (picture:


Silly season has well and truly kicked off and the Dail only broke up for their holidays yesterday. Now it’s NIB’s time to shine!

The Football Association of Ireland got in trouble at the start of the week for having a sense of humour. After Germany won the World Cup last Sunday the FAI tweeted their congratulations to the team who will also be the Irish side’s opponents in the 2016 Euro qualifiers in October. This wasn’t the offensive bit, it was the ‘***Gulp***’ added onto the end that made fans angry, accusing the FAI of being unsupportive, unpatriotic and unprofessional. Since when did Irish football fans get so touchy? It was only a joke, cop yourselves on!

They’ll be coming for NIB now won’t they?  ***Gulp***.

Did you know Ireland has 68 different types of apple? It’s true and now someone’s written a book about them. ‘The book will be of interest to many’ apparently.  How about that?

Moving on, a mystery toilet has appeared on a Cork roundabout. How did it get there? How? Why?! Who cares, Douglas Jacksbowl – as he is appropriately named – has even taken up tweeting (as all inanimate comedy objects do): ‘I suppose I’ll have drunks using me as a toilet on the way home now..  Ah well..’ poor Douglas lamented after the World Cup final. He’s even been on a trip to Buttervant, as you would if you were a toilet.

THE SEAGULLS ARE REVOLTING! First a Waterford resident complained of Jonathan the seagull who sat atop a lamppost periodically diving to attack joggers and LAUGH, and then it came up in the Dail. A Fianna Fail senator called on the Minister for Environment to step in and take action against the winged vermin. Reassuring the House he had nothing against pigeons, Ned O’Sullivan revealed a deep hatred of the gulls: ‘They’re very raucous, they’re keeping people awake’,

He continued: ‘I saw that they’re getting so cheeky now that they attack young children and dispossess them of their lollipops and stuff like that. ‘Finishing his argument by reassuring Minister Alan Kelly they were more interested in eating human waste than looking for fish (their ONE JOB) and something had to be done!

First Garth-gate now this?! Jaysus.

At least Waterford have overcome their laughing imposter, reports were circulating yesterday that Jonathan the jogger-attacking gull is no more, with The Journal printing some deeply disturbing pictures of feathery remains . . .

So silly season’s off to a good start then! Not looking so good for the seagulls though. NIB’s off to dispossess some children of their lollipops.

(If you want to follow Cork’s social media savvy toilet, he’s @dougjacksbowl.)


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