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News In Brief: Burton In Hot Water As Baby Theo Goes Worldwide

burton

Let it be known, this was the week in which NIB curled up into a ball and died inside.

Theo Horan (Niall’s 1-year-old nephew, in case you didn’t know) now has his own website in what can only be described as mind crushingly insane. Honestly, you know those auditionees off X-Factor that make you feel squirmy, this is like that except not only does NIB feel squirmy but also genuinely worried for Niall’s brother, father of Theo, Greg who seems to think he’s the sixth member of One Direction. Not only can you now visit the site, you can also sign up for a regular newsletter because the proud parents ‘just can’t believe how amazing our fans are’. “Our fans” Greg? Really?

Two fools tried to sell two tickets to a non-existent Kodaline gig for a fiver apiece, but were caught out when they tried to tout them to two members of the band. Ah the heady price of fame. To be fair NIB isn’t sure we’d recognise them on the street either, unable as we are, to commit a single one of their songs to memory.

In more musical news a petition has been mounted to get Joan Burton to apologise to heavy metal fans who she suggested would be far more troublesome than Garth Brooks fans, another example of the minister’s inability to see what’s going on in the real world, after Garth-gate caused protests and general outrage across the country.  So far over 357 outraged rockers have signed the petition to tar Metallica fans in particular, with a far nicer brush. Despite the trademark tattoos and body piercings they insist they wouldn’t harm a fly, a country music loving farmer from Roscommon though, that’s a different matter.

Who would steal a pew? Someone in Kerry it seems. Parishioners in Ballymacelligott were confused to find one of their church pews had disappeared from a balcony in the magical building, was it an act of God? No an act of petty crime. Father Pat Crean Lynch, the parish priest (in case you couldn’t guess), questioned the motive behind stealing a pew; ‘It’s a strange thing to steal’. Quite: ‘The only explanation that anyone can come up with is that someone stole it to put in a pub or to use in their house’. So if you happen to be in Kerry, take a quick look at that new sofa you got off Cormac for a fiver . . .

That’s it for another week, (we’re not even mentioning the water, it’s too depressing) for now anyway, NIB is sure some other stuff might happen in between now and Sunday morning but frankly we don’t give a damn!

Image courtesy of MSN

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