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News In Brief: Danger Looms As Loo’s Demolished

The loom band disease spreads fast from extremities to internal organs! (image: pinterest.com)

The loom band disease spreads fast from extremities to internal organs! (image: pinterest.com)

Step away from the loom bands! They will KILL you. Danger is looming! Turns out the popular little rubber bands that everyone is spending hours tying in knots could actually be highly cancerous. Well not the actual bands, NIB doesn’t want to scaremonger, but the little charms you can add to your creations. They’ve been found to have excessive levels of carcinogens causing global panic. Or a small media panic. With each great craze comes a great fall, remember when Tamogotchis got smart and started taking over the world and the Americans had to be called in?

In other news it’s been Leaving Cert results week and in true Irish fashion a pub has been blacklisted for offering shots to students at 10.30am. The Bishopstown Bar in Cork, had to apologise after tweeting; ‘Best of luck to all getting results. Remember we serve alcohol from 10.30am’ proving just how important it is to pass your exams so you don’t end up running a pub that opens after Jeremy Kyle every morning.

A Dublin City councillor is reported to be ‘hand on my heart furious’ at the demolition of a public toilet. Yes you read that right, first there was Garth-gate now this. Councillor Dermot Lacey was very upset at the decision to tear down the iconic building, located across the road from the RDS. He claimed it came “out of the blue” and was done on purpose when he wasn’t around. Why does one man care so much about an old toilet? NIB hears you ask, and we have no idea, but he’s told the Journal the Council can “really stuff it now” so there.

Garth Brooks was back in the news this week, hopefully for the last time, as it was revealed Enda Kenny received 1,000 emails and letters about the whole sorry episode. Some of them begged our dear leader to let the concerts go ahead, while others described the whole thing as embarrassing and asked if Enda didn’t have something better to be doing. It’s reported only two of the emails actually related to Brooks with the remaining 998 from Eamonn Gilmore asking for his job back.

In other dreadful music news Bono’s back in the papers. Get out the champagne (NIB sarcastic? Never!). Apparently he and the rest of the U2 lads are teaming up to teach kids music. THIS MUST BE STOPPED! Can you imagine a whole new generation of U2 tribute bands? As if the future of this country wasn’t bleak enough already.

On that depressing note NIB is off for the weekend, hatches must be battened down before the loom bands attack!

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