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News In Brief: Jeans, Ice Buckets And Silage Scent

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Hold on to your ice buckets Enda Kenny’s wearing jeans. Thankfully, while on his hols at the Malton, he hasn’t decided to upend an icy bucket of water over his head. Sorry did NIB say thankfully? Would actually quite like to see Enda submerged, as long as there was no dodgy soggy t-shirt afterwards … This has gone too far.

Half of all the people watching telly on Tuesday night were tuned into the Rose of Tralee. It’s like we enjoy being LOL-ed at lads. Dáithí Ó Sé a bunch of “lovely gurls” and the most tepid talent show known to television. Yet four people watched it online in the UK. It’s not even news, every year is the same thing with attempts to make the antiquated “cool” and then we all watch it and complain about it, the winner wasn’t even Irish! Not that NIB was watching it, actually we were too busy watching Brian Ormond bugger up the Lotto.

Did ye see it? Did-ye-did-ye-did-ye? Funnier than George Hook doing an ice-bucket, as the lottery was broadcast on RTE One, Brian came to an abrupt halt and remained in silence for a full forty minutes (well, It felt like it). Apparently there had been a technical error and the balls had already started rolling causing producers to panic and make Brian stop (and look like an uncomfortable, inanimate Ken doll). RTE were quick to state it wasn’t Ormond’s fault, NIB has a sneaking suspicion what actually happened is the channel controller fell asleep watching the Rose.

For any rose’s looking for a husband, they may consider heading to Carrick on Shannon where Eau de Silage has just gone on sale, meaning the men folk will be smelling IRRESISTIBLE! The enterprising fella with a lung full of silage is advertising the stuff on DoneDeal.ie for €45 a bottle: ‘Dab a bit behind your ears before you go out to the Macra disco and you’ll be beating them off with a sprong.’ The advert promises, definitely worth €45.

If you’re not doing anything later there’s meant to be a shiny, green thing flying over the island. The “men” are calling it a comet, (Comet Jacques a very sinister name in NIB’s opinion…) and saying we should all go outside to try to look for it, yeah, while they nip in and steal our stuff!

That’s it for this week’s news, watch out for holidaying politicians in leisure wear and approaching ice buckets, until next time …

 

 

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