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News In Brief: Scotland’s In As Geldof’s Out

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Did Dobby Die For This?! (image: thedailyedge.ie)

A minor service interruption for NIB last week but don’t worry we’re not dead (yet). Anyway, on with the show.

Scotland had one job to do yesterday and they got it spectacularly wrong in NIB’s humble opinion, not as wrong as Joan Burton though who’s in trouble for using the phrase ‘there’s more than one way to skin a cat’. NIB would give you the context (banks, capitalisation blah blah blah) but it doesn’t really make much difference. Animal Rights group Aran was quick to accuse Joan of potentially causing ‘damage [to] the already troubled animal’ leading NIB to ask, what’s up with the cats?

Irish Water has been accused of many things (many, many things) but the best was this week when one unhappy home owner suggested the W in their logo might actually be an upside down Masonic M. The irate Irish citizen, who presumably won’t be paying his water bill, also asked: ‘Did Dobby die for this?’ referencing the popular Harry Potter house-elf, and advised ‘Captain Capslock is not a legal entity’. So there Irish water you’ve been told. Now will you bugger off?

The only news this week really has been Scotland though hasn’t it? Offered their chance for freedom they decided they preferred to be dominated by an out-of-date monarchy and government body hundreds of miles away. NIB blames one man for this, and that man is Bob Geldof, the Boomtown Rat himself. Bob appeared to have forgotten where he was from in the run up to the referendum, appearing at a rally in London and telling the Scottish they couldn’t ‘selfishly resolve it amongst yourselves by taking an easy opt out clause.’ Yes, Bob Geldof said that. What a plonker.

At least Cork’s got it right, their now going for independence apparently, and good luck to ‘em. The People’s Republic of Cork may yet have their day! Roy Keane has already been suggested as President and tweeters were quick to jump on the #indyref hashtag and claim it as their own. Some though were worried that’s what the strange smell all over the city has been – revolution fires burning.

And that’s about it for another week. No news is good news, unless you’re NIB of course, then it’s just rather dull, still the Dail’s back so it won’t be long till the papers are full of, for want of a better word and as our Scottish friends would say, pish.

 

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