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News In Brief: Garth-Gate Simmers On As Do The Spuds!

 

We love da shpuds! (image courtesy: arandartdesings.com)

We love da shpuds! (image courtesy: arandartdesings.com)

 

Summer’s over everyone, go back indoors. There’s plenty of rather stupid news to catch-up on anyway.

The PSNI were called after a Ryder Cup flag hung up in Rory McIlroy’s hometown was mistaken for a ‘terrorist’ flag. The poor fella flying the flag was forced to explain to the plod, the emblem on his flag was actually that of the European Union that he’d put up for a party not that of ‘an Islamic terrorist group’ as was reported to the police. According to the BBC, whom the homeowner told his story in the end everyone was laughing. HAHAHA Terrorism! HAHAHA Golf! Deadly craic.

On the other side of the border; the Gardai are investigating the claim that some of the complaints about the Garth Brooks concerts (remember them?) were FAKE! Dun dun duuuhhh!!!!! Apparently they’ve interviewed 200 people in the last three-months over 72 fraudulent complaint letters that lead to the eventual collapse of the concerts at Croke Park and Ireland becoming (!) the butt of all jokes. NIB’s more surprised they didn’t find 72% of the ticket buyers to be frauds, Garth Brooks people?! Come on!

After all the hilarity though there’s been some bad news in the Church. Apparently, according to a priest (so obvs not to be questioned) the Church will soon be holding mass masses and marriages because of the imbalanced ratio of parishioners to priests. In fact the Association of Catholic Priests has warned “there’s a very real prospect of priests having to marry several couples at the same time.” Does the Pope know polygamy’s part of doctrine now? To remedy the situation they’re planning on ordaining married men, inviting black priests to get married and join the church and ordain women. Ian Paisley will be spinning, and he was on the other side!

And, saving the best till last, it’s National Potato Day! Hurrah for spuds! Did you know the Irish eat more than double the worldwide average every year? NIB is planning various potato themed celebrations, spud throwing competitions, mash eating, and a delicious chip cocktail. You better all be eating potatoes for tea otherwise Mr Tayto will be out to get ye! (Yes NIB knows he’s a massive spud) Hurrah!

Well that’s enough of that, that’s chips to fry and … other potato related stuff. And it’s Friday! Feck ye we’re off to the pub.

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