News In Brief: Rainy Day As Austerity Goes Away

It's coming lads! (image courtesy:

It’s coming lads! (image courtesy:

Time for another game of `Who Said What this Week?` And guess who features, again, Joan Burton, obviously.

So what was it this week that was getting Joan’s knickers all twisted? She was speaking out about the news that tech giants Facebook and Apple are now going to pay for female employees to have their eggs frozen saying, she was `not a fan`. Hang on, does NIB agree? Oh god, we never thought this would happen, agreeing with Joan Burton (although she wasn’t exactly rocking the boat), let’s move quickly on…

Brendan Howlin’s given us all a pat on the back so you can use that to pay your water bill. Brendan thinks we’ve all done really well coping with austerity, god love him, big hugs all round. It’s been fierce hard, especially for government ministers and bankers, but now we will be rewarded with property tax, water charges and anything else they feel like adding on. In fact, now austerity is over Brendan has decided to move into stand-up comedy; “Government has to govern in accordance with the will of the people.”

If you do want to try to reduce how much you’re going to be charged for water you might consider taking a bucket outside this weekend as it’s set to RAIN. God’s obviously taking the piss a bit by causing Met Éireann to issue a “yellow weather warning” with the rain set to start on Friday and go straight through till Sunday, like a good party but a bit more damp. Fill those buckets boys and we’ll have enough for tea till Christmas!

A Cineworld worker from Dublin has been awarded €20,000 in a dispute over his unfair dismissal. While the cinema chain offers a discount on food for staff members the unlucky ex-employee applied the discount to a receipt for a medium hotdog and bag of wine gums when actually he tucked into a LARGE hotdog and marginally more expensive bag of Malteasers, the difference in cost for this abhorrent crime? €1. After a disciplinary hearing when he was confronted for the crime he was let go by the company who cited “gross misconduct”. A judge didn’t agree though and accused Cineworld’s management of watching too many thrillers.

And that’s the height of it for another week, when NIB can only wonder; What will Joan say next?


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