Posts Tagged ‘ Alan Shatter ’

News In Brief: Enda Tweets, Cows Petition EU And Clocks Go Back

`what...am...i...doing...pick up the eggs Eoin` Enda's getting to grips with social media to spread his message (image:thejournal.ie)

(image:thejournal.ie)

Another week in news and first up, (AND most exciting!), Enda’s on the old tweeting machine again, he must have been jealous of all the attention that toilet in Cork was getting. You’ve all forgotten about the tweeting toilet already haven’t you? You fickle bastards you haven’t forgotten about Jedward!

Anyway, yes an Taoiseach had something to say to his followers; `Twitter, it’s been a while… but it’s time to talk about the #littlethings`. Hmmm interesting, well not really, but what does it mean? Some thought he was divulging his love of One Direction while others speculated he meant something a little, ahem, more personal, if you get our drift. Down below like… Ugh. Most people just didn’t notice though, still with the long weekend coming up here’s hoping Enda has a few jars tonight and does some drunk tweeting –NO mickey pics Enda! Continue reading

News in Brief – Bins, Ming and the Taoiseach’s Things

Ming Campainging for BOI to Keep our Fur!

Ming campaigning for BOI to Keep our Fur!

A 90-year-old woman is being pursued by debt collectors for a €14 bin fine. That’s right, while the world crumbles and Ming Flanagan seems our most viable option for Europe, Dublin City Council want their €14 back! The woman, who has not been named, lives alone in inner-city Dublin and became the subject of the debt collectors interest over an unpaid bill dating back to the privatisation of Dublin’s waste collection services. Four letters were sent threatening aggressive legal action and publication in Stubbs Gazette. Well done lads, what a lovely bunch you are, can NIB point you in the direction of a Mr Shatter who owes us €70k?

A painting by Michael Flatley tops the list of the Taoiseach’s most expensive gifts. The painting title ‘The Irish Potato Famine’ was created by Flatley daubing his feet in paint and dancing on a canvas (and you can tell) and has been valued at €5000. Other gifts include a golden replica of the Mecca Royal Hotel Clock Tower (Enda’s a bingo fan), a bust of JFK, a bottle of booze from the Queen and a boat. So that’s nice isn’t it? Good old Enda. NIB got three pairs of tights last Christmas . . . Continue reading

News in Brief – We Need To Talk About Alan

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Hold the phone, it’s hot outside! Well, NIB doesn’t know where you are but it’s hot here! Hurrah!

Despite that though we need to talk about Alan.

Despite being sacked (resigned, whatever?!) Shatter still seems to be up to something scheduling secret meetings with Enda. Sinn Fein have kicked off about it because they weren’t invited to what was bound to be a jelly and ice-cream event, but the Taoiseach’s office has stated it was simply a misunderstanding and no meetings actually took place. Neither Shatter nor Kenny was available to comment as both were busy naked jelly wrestling. Continue reading

News in Brief – Shatter Resigns As Kenny Morphs Into Putin

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Before we kick off can you all take a minute to imagine the theme to The Apprentice . . . got it? OK now we can start.

Alan Shatter has left the building. While the Indo asked ‘who trapped the rat in Leinster House?’ The answer became obvious, it was Enda and he was clutching him by his whiskery tail.

So Shatter has resigned and the future of the justice system is restored, well not exactly, but it’s bound to be a bit better right? RIGHT?! Former social worker Frances Fitzgerald has stepped up to the plate so hopefully she has a better idea of right and wrong. That’s beside the point though what NIB would like to draw everyone’s attention to is that Kenny has taken over Defence. Put a crown on him and call him Putin. Surely putting our dear leader in charge of the country’s defence policy is like appointing him leader of all things. Maybe NIB is exaggerating but you just wait, when the words ‘5-year-plans’ slip out you’ll know we warned you! Continue reading

News In Brief – No Make Up Selfie Mix Up Saves Polar Bears

dougalThere have been some great news stories this week. Too much in fact for NIB, it’s meant to be brief!

To kick us off a man in Cavan has been banned from painting roads for two years. Martin Hannigan, an ‘anti-pothole’ campaigner, has been threatened with a prison sentence if he continues to paint warning signs around potholes on his county’s roads. Ironically he has also been fined for damaging the public highway, the very highway he wants to save! He needs Bono. Continue reading

Garda Commissioner Callinan Announces Shock Resignation

CALLINAN

Garda Commissioner Martin Callinan has announced his shock resignation with immediate effect following the penalty points controversy.

Callinan said he had informed the Government and added that he had taken the decision for family reasons.

Those within the force who were close to him are believed to be shocked by his decision.

The commissioner had been under severe pressure for the past two months since his appearance at the Public Accounts Committee, where he labelled Garda whistleblowers as “disgusting”.

Some believe Callinan may have been forced into the decision in an attempt to strengthen the position of Minister For Justice Alan Shatter.

Image courtesy of RTE

News in Brief-Unionist Lashes Out At Eastenders GAA Jersey

eastenders

Is anyone else starting to think a bit of timely hacking now, might clear up this whole GSOC surveillance mess that continues to dominate the press? Be warned readers, while we are being told to look away by Alan Shatter, something much more sinister is going on elsewhere.

Such as the hike in cabbage prices. It’s true. Apparently ‘St. Patrick’s Day revellers are set to be hit by a cabbage shortage and escalating prices ahead of the annual festivities’ according to IrishCentral.com. Can you imagine? Paddy’s day without any cabbage, what will we – wait. How much cabbage do you normally eat on March 17th? NIB would guess not much, eating is cheating after all and Paddy’s day is New Year’s Eve mark 2. It’s the weather anyway that’s to blame apparently, cabbages have been particularly hit by the cold snap, not to mention they’re floating through Cork at the moment. Continue reading