Posts Tagged ‘ Bob Geldof ’

A Year in Brief: Part One

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What a year it’s been; Hitler birthday cakes, mutant rats, and Bob Geldof off to space! To celebrate the end of another 365 days here are some of NIB’s favourite stories of the year.

Kicking off the year in festive spirit a man in Derry was fined after stealing a CCTV camera which “became his friend”. Police found Peter Morrison, 24, drunk and “petting” the camera as they arrived to arrest him. CCTV pets are for life not just for Christmas. Continue reading

News in Brief : National Hero At The Centre Of Langer Row

guiForgive NIB for thinking Arthur’s Day in all its Guinnessy glory was over for another year last Thursday. Seems we were wrong.

The celebrations haven’t stopped in Kildare. A statue of the man himself has been unveiled to celebrate the first thirty years of his life spent in Celbridge. Minister for Arts, Heritage and the Gaeltacht Jimmy Deenihan was at the event declaring the Diageo name, sorry Guinness name, was known around the world and he hoped the statue would encourage people to drink more Guinness, sorry, visit the town. Although it’s Leixlip that claims the birthplace of the actual black stuff as that is where the first brewery, owned by Diageo, sorry Arthur, was established.*

Apparently Health Minister, and NIB favourite, James Reilly, wants the country to be tobacco free by 2025. Or at least that’s what his smiling face on the advertising says. Behind the scenes it’s highly unlikely the government would outlaw one of the biggest revenue earners and key tool in keeping the masses in hand. More likely is Ireland will become tobacco free, but we’ll all be addicted to million euro gold cigarillos made of ground up unicorn horns. Continue reading

News In Brief – Asda Causes A Fuss As More Anglo Cash Uncovered

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Another week, another excuse to hit the bottle. Did you raise a glass to Arthur yesterday? If so well done, you are part of the marketing machine that will keep our country attached to the teet of the booze business. Still, nice bit of Guinness though.

That was a rather bitter start (get it? Guinness, bitter?) . NIB will promise to be more positive from now on, once recovered from yesterday’s hangover.

Bono’s had enough of people going on at him for not paying tax in Ireland. Poor Bono. If there’s a spare ticket on Bob Geldof’s spaceship he might want to consider snapping it up, NIB understands tax rates on the moon are non-existent and the views rival Dalkey. On a side note have you seen the picture of Geldof in his suit? Holy mother of Bob. Continue reading

News In Brief – Reilly Plans Free GP Care As Hotel Cancels Beauty Pageant

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Remember last week when Bob Geldof was off to space? If only every week was like that the world would be a happier place*. Instead we’ve got protestors and pageants.

What’s the difference between a blobfish (last week’s winner of World’s Ugliest Animal) and the Minister for Health? One understands the intricacies of government spending and the healthcare needs of the country, the other doesn’t. NIB will let you come to your own conclusion which is which . . . James Reilly meanwhile has told Sean O’Rourke on RTE how he plans to bring in free GP care for all Irish citizens and more freebies for kids! Hurrah! But how Mr Reilly? We haven’t got any cash. Ah. Well, it might be slightly ’ambitious’ he told Sean, but sure feck it anyway, it’ll be a bit of craic. Continue reading

News In Brief – Geldof Space Bound As World’s Ugliest Animal Revealed

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Another week, another wasted opportunity to write seriously about current affairs in this country. Oh well, here’s the news in brief.

A drugs gang have been busted for failing to grow any actually drugs. 150 marijuana plants were found by Gardai in rural Donegal before they discovered the plants were all male, meaning they don’t contain the ’high’ chemical. They’re effectively spinach. Gardai have been forced to downgrade the find from €120,000 worth of drugs to €0 of nothing. The potential weed farmers are likely to be spared jail for doing little more than arable farming. Continue reading