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Posts Tagged ‘ cash ’

A Year in Brief: Part One

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What a year it’s been; Hitler birthday cakes, mutant rats, and Bob Geldof off to space! To celebrate the end of another 365 days here are some of NIB’s favourite stories of the year.

Kicking off the year in festive spirit a man in Derry was fined after stealing a CCTV camera which “became his friend”. Police found Peter Morrison, 24, drunk and “petting” the camera as they arrived to arrest him. CCTV pets are for life not just for Christmas. Continue reading

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News in Brief – Nuns Robbed While Keating Lands Postman Pat Gig

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In the week that’s seen ’Danny Boy’ reach 100 and Cork 10,000, well, not much else has been going on.

There has been some “interesting” research into office party politics answering one of life’s greatest questions, when is the optimum time to take pictures at the office Christmas party? Well that would be 10.02 (with the average party beginning at 7pm, so 182 minutes in, fact) though they can be a bone of contention for some. Women complained the party picture didn’t show them at their best, with twenty percent citing their make-up coming off had crushed their hopes of looking like *insert name of celebrity* in *insert name of film*. One in one hundred men complained of the same dilemma and similarly one in one hundred claimed seeing snaps of the office do caused them to look for a new job, the same one in one hundred perhaps? Continue reading

News in Brief : Backhanders And Blackouts

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NIB is sure we’ve covered this before, but hey, Irish women are the best looking in the world and that’s cause for celebration (drink based traditionally). The ranks made up by a dating site, aptly called BeautifulPeople.com weren’t so positive about Irish men though, ranking them third ugliest on the planet. It’s a small positive though as a few years ago they were ranked the ugliest. Sorry lads.

Talking of beautiful Irish things, we’re going to start selling off our heritage sites to the highest bidder. In yet another example of the Government trying to claw back the cash they splurged on champagne and caviar, they are now going to lease out sites like Dublin and Kilkenny Castles, Derrynane House and Doneraile Wildlife Park to the most persuasive tender. Apparently the rules are that any new commercial usage plans must be in check with the historical heritage of the site so no casinos or hotels will be permitted, unless the brown envelope’s thick enough. Minister for Public Service Reform Brian Hayes said: ‘I don’t know how successful it’s going to be, I have to be very frank.’ Continue reading

News in Brief – Top College Unveils “Sex Toy” Sculpture

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Apparently we’re all €100,000 better off, on paper (NIB is actually €3 gazillion better off on this if you print off this bit of paper), due to the rise in property prices. It’s all fictional, like the figures banks trade in every day, which in reality is made up of much more meagre funds, and they’re ours. But anyway, it’s good news!

A man has been banned from every pub in Dublin, after being picked up by Gardai for being drunk and disorderly. This story is not to be confused with the Bertie bashing last week, when former Taoiseach Ahern was given a whack round the earlobes by another punter with a crutch. Although perhaps banning Bertie from every pub in Dublin would prevent similar problems in the future. Just an idea. Continue reading

News In Brief – Asda Causes A Fuss As More Anglo Cash Uncovered

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Another week, another excuse to hit the bottle. Did you raise a glass to Arthur yesterday? If so well done, you are part of the marketing machine that will keep our country attached to the teet of the booze business. Still, nice bit of Guinness though.

That was a rather bitter start (get it? Guinness, bitter?) . NIB will promise to be more positive from now on, once recovered from yesterday’s hangover.

Bono’s had enough of people going on at him for not paying tax in Ireland. Poor Bono. If there’s a spare ticket on Bob Geldof’s spaceship he might want to consider snapping it up, NIB understands tax rates on the moon are non-existent and the views rival Dalkey. On a side note have you seen the picture of Geldof in his suit? Holy mother of Bob. Continue reading

News in Brief-Optimistic Irish Love Their Mammies

The Social Welfare system has come into disrepute as a small group of staff members are investigated for diverting funds. This socially unfair practice has seen money transferred to personal bank accounts as well as “unworthy applicants” with eight cases handed to the Public Accounts committee. Continue reading

News in Brief-Students Take Nothing For Granted

The 200 Million dollar man, or Rory McIlroy as he’s known to his mum, has had his fair share of news paper pages in the last week, lamenting his considerable earnings to date. The young golf pro has reportedly signed up with Nike as part of a sponsorship deal that will make him the richest man in sport.

Following the success of the Olympics the suggestion of many millions per annum might prove inspirational for youngsters. In fact they may have a better chance of swinging a stick at the Ryder Cup then receiving their college grants.

Currently 66,000 students are in the process of applying for monetary grants. Out of that 66,000 only 27% have actually completed the process, a failure condemned by Fianna Fáil leader Micheal Martin. Tánaiste Eamon Gilmore defended the government, accusing Martin of ‘frightening’ people.
Coming only a few weeks after sending household charge demands to the deceased, the government’s inability to handle paperwork certainly is scary.

Unless like Rory you’ve got some cash stashed, the idea of the annual Christmas shop probably sends shivers down your spine. However Ireland is reportedly, and somewhat surprisingly, home to the biggest spenders in Europe come the festive season. The average cost of gift giving reaching almost €500 with €300 spent just on food and drink.
We’re not stupid though, cash gifts also top the Christmas lists of 37% of people asked. It’s nice to see amongst all the, lights, tinsel and religion we haven’t forgotten the true meaning of Christmas.
Perhaps it is a display of early Christmas spirit that has seen Former AIB chief Eugene Sheehy very kindly agree to take a pension cut from €325,000 to €250,000. He’s taking something all right.
With all this talk of money it’s easy to forget that in celeb news this Sunday sees the return to our screens of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here with its usual cast of has-beens and no bodies.
In fact I’ve forgotten again already.

And finally, Newstalk radio were offering one lucky listener the trip of a lifetime yesterday. Be flown to New York by Aer Lingus before jumping into an Avis hire car and in the words of George Hook, take a “leisurely” drive down to Washington DC. He obviously didn’t get the memo.

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