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Posts Tagged ‘ Church ’

News In Brief: Keith Barry Predicts Mary-Lou May Join The Jam Tarters

The only surviving picture from earlier this year when Mary-Lou and Gerry got stuck on a fence (Image:belfasttelegraph.co.uk)

The only surviving picture from earlier this year when Mary-Lou and Gerry got stuck on a fence (Image:belfasttelegraph.co.uk)

 

NIB opens this week by wondering if Mary-Lou is still in the Dáil? What craic! Staging a sit in (if you didn’t see it, where were you?) so everyone else could have a long weekend, good girl Mary Lou! It’s not the first time she’s got stuck somewhere though, on a press outing with her Dear Leader Gerry she previously got stuck on a fence. Then there was the “swing incident”, the Henry Street Penneys Protest and the reports this time last year she’d positioned herself on a seat in an industrial estate in Swords, although strangely Sinn Fein deny that one. Most recent reports in the popular press have hinted Martin O’Neill is eyeing Mary-Lou for Ireland’s upcoming match, that’s if she’ll leave Leinster House. Continue reading

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News In Brief: Joan’s Phone-Gate Ruins World Egg Day

Joan Burton demonstrates her own new phone (image: Independent.ie)

Joan Burton demonstrates her own new phone (image: Independent.ie)

It’s that time of the week again, NIB knows you all sit prostrate and silent waiting for your weekly News in Brief, well here it is.

It seems a week cannot pass without Joan Burton saying something stupid. This time it was water meter protestors who she said: “Seem to have extremely expensive phones, tablets, video cameras. There has been the most extensive filming in relation to any of these actions that I have ever seen anywhere. Hollywood would be in the ha’penny place compared to what’s done here.” Holy mother of God! How could they? They’re obviously all social-welfare scrounging, JobBridge dropouts aren’t they Joan?! People on the dole shouldn’t be allowed food let alone phones, the shtate this country’s in, if only we didn’t have to fund Joan’s massive salary, free top-of-the-range devices, car and fecking dry cleaning.

Meanwhile in the Dail they were discussing removing the morning’s opening prayer (do you ever think how mad it is that our politicians sit around and talk about shite for hours, just for the craic?) Of course it’s all just a cover for playground-politics and evading the real issues, but Clare Daly thinks saying a prayer in the morning is “offensive”. It is part of a wider battle to get a law from 1855 prosecuting blasphemy removed from the constitution. But Clare, if no-ones given a shite since 1855 why should we bother now? They’ll only have to reprint the whole constitution (probably on pretty pink paper with a laminated cover) before they decided there’s a law banning cutting your toe nails they want to scrap. Continue reading

News In Brief: Garth-Gate Simmers On As Do The Spuds!

 

We love da shpuds! (image courtesy: arandartdesings.com)

We love da shpuds! (image courtesy: arandartdesings.com)

 

Summer’s over everyone, go back indoors. There’s plenty of rather stupid news to catch-up on anyway.

The PSNI were called after a Ryder Cup flag hung up in Rory McIlroy’s hometown was mistaken for a ‘terrorist’ flag. The poor fella flying the flag was forced to explain to the plod, the emblem on his flag was actually that of the European Union that he’d put up for a party not that of ‘an Islamic terrorist group’ as was reported to the police. According to the BBC, whom the homeowner told his story in the end everyone was laughing. HAHAHA Terrorism! HAHAHA Golf! Deadly craic. Continue reading

News In Brief: Burton In Hot Water As Baby Theo Goes Worldwide

burton

Let it be known, this was the week in which NIB curled up into a ball and died inside.

Theo Horan (Niall’s 1-year-old nephew, in case you didn’t know) now has his own website in what can only be described as mind crushingly insane. Honestly, you know those auditionees off X-Factor that make you feel squirmy, this is like that except not only does NIB feel squirmy but also genuinely worried for Niall’s brother, father of Theo, Greg who seems to think he’s the sixth member of One Direction. Not only can you now visit the site, you can also sign up for a regular newsletter because the proud parents ‘just can’t believe how amazing our fans are’. “Our fans” Greg? Really?

Two fools tried to sell two tickets to a non-existent Kodaline gig for a fiver apiece, but were caught out when they tried to tout them to two members of the band. Ah the heady price of fame. To be fair NIB isn’t sure we’d recognise them on the street either, unable as we are, to commit a single one of their songs to memory.

In more musical news a petition has been mounted to get Joan Burton to apologise to heavy metal fans who she suggested would be far more troublesome than Garth Brooks fans, another example of the minister’s inability to see what’s going on in the real world, after Garth-gate caused protests and general outrage across the country.  So far over 357 outraged rockers have signed the petition to tar Metallica fans in particular, with a far nicer brush. Despite the trademark tattoos and body piercings they insist they wouldn’t harm a fly, a country music loving farmer from Roscommon though, that’s a different matter. Continue reading

News In Brief: Baby Horan’s A Hit While Gerry Adams Gets Trolled

putin

The Pope is becoming a regular feature in NIB these days, more so than that Bono fella. And this week is no exception you will all be glad to know. In a ceremony to mark the first anniversary of the Pope’s inauguration Archbishop of Dublin Diarmuid Martin told the congregation the Pope isn’t popular because of any polished public image, he’s not an attention seeking superstar and he most definitely isn’t interested in ‘Christians with sour faces’ eradicating the majority of the Irish Church. He’s just a bloke! Though with history’s greatest PR man behind him.

NIB thought we were on to a good story when we saw Vladimir had called on Garda Commissioner Callinan to withdraw his ‘disgusting’ remark about police whistle-blowers, until we realised it wasn’t the leader of Russia, Vladimir Putin, making the call but our own transport minister Leo Varadkar. Disappointment doesn’t cover it, imagine that, Callinan would have withdrawn his comments, apologised profusely and baked cake for everyone if it had been Putin. Continue reading

News in Brief – Corrupt Government To Silence The Internet As Leaving Cert Cheaters Face Anxious Wait

frted

Do you smell like sheep s***? Do people avoid you because of your stink? Are you a hardened farmer with his own willies and appropriate tan? If you can drive a bullet proof John Dere you could be in luck , Pope Francis may have the job for you! Apparently the Pope wants his bishops to be real shepherds, actual shepherds, with sheep. No not really, but he wants them to be leaders of their flock, part of the farm, a bishop in wolves clothing even. Or sheets clothing anyway. Continue reading

Abuse,torture and neglect

Amnesty International Ireland commissioned a report into the abuse of children in this State, in light of revelations from the Murphy and Cloyne reports. The amnesty report attempted to explore why these abuses occurred and what can be done to ensure they never happen again.

Colm O’Gorman, executive director of Amnesty International Ireland, said that children in this country had been “brutalised, beaten, starved and abused” and that “much of the abuse described in the Ryan Report meets the legal definition of torture under international human rights law”.

The Ferns, Ryan, Murphy and Cloyne reports have brought to the public domain details of the levels of abuse, torture and neglect that occurred in many religious run institutions aswell as the extent to which some went to cover up these abuse claims. Public anger has been further heightened by what many see as a refusal by the catholic church to acknowledge the extent of the abuse and cover ups that had occurred. Statements by clergy such as Fr. Paddy Banville of New Ross have done little to aid the Church’s cause. Banville had stated recently in an article for the newspaper The Irish Catholic that “wives and mothers” had “failed miserably to deal with the abuse of their children”.

However, Mr. O’Gorman also believes that blame cannot be placed solely at the feet of the clergy and thata “the institutionalised lack of accountability in the Irish State” should not be overlooked either, he said:

“This abuse happened, not because we didn’t know about it, but because many people across society turned a blind eye to it.”

This is a search for accountability for what O’Gorman describes as “ perhaps the greatest human rights failure in the history of the State”.

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