Posts Tagged ‘ Clare daly ’

News In Brief: Joan’s Phone-Gate Ruins World Egg Day

Joan Burton demonstrates her own new phone (image: Independent.ie)

Joan Burton demonstrates her own new phone (image: Independent.ie)

It’s that time of the week again, NIB knows you all sit prostrate and silent waiting for your weekly News in Brief, well here it is.

It seems a week cannot pass without Joan Burton saying something stupid. This time it was water meter protestors who she said: “Seem to have extremely expensive phones, tablets, video cameras. There has been the most extensive filming in relation to any of these actions that I have ever seen anywhere. Hollywood would be in the ha’penny place compared to what’s done here.” Holy mother of God! How could they? They’re obviously all social-welfare scrounging, JobBridge dropouts aren’t they Joan?! People on the dole shouldn’t be allowed food let alone phones, the shtate this country’s in, if only we didn’t have to fund Joan’s massive salary, free top-of-the-range devices, car and fecking dry cleaning.

Meanwhile in the Dail they were discussing removing the morning’s opening prayer (do you ever think how mad it is that our politicians sit around and talk about shite for hours, just for the craic?) Of course it’s all just a cover for playground-politics and evading the real issues, but Clare Daly thinks saying a prayer in the morning is “offensive”. It is part of a wider battle to get a law from 1855 prosecuting blasphemy removed from the constitution. But Clare, if no-ones given a shite since 1855 why should we bother now? They’ll only have to reprint the whole constitution (probably on pretty pink paper with a laminated cover) before they decided there’s a law banning cutting your toe nails they want to scrap. Continue reading

News In Brief: It’s HOT

Washing machines live longer in Limerick (image: airbnb.com)

Washing machines live longer in Limerick (image: airbnb.com)

 

What’s happened to the news? Where is it this week? Diving into the Liffey presumably, jaysus lads it’s quare hot. We’ll try our best anyway.

A four-foot-tall Emu has been stolen from a farm in Carlow. Owner Chris Kavanagh is increasingly concerned for the well fare of his big bird: ‘They do not survive on their own. They get very depressed. They’re fierce happy going around together, and they go off for a run now and again. But when they’re alone they get very depressed and they don’t eat.’ If anyone’s seen Imelda – it’s not really called Imelda but NIB likes the sound of it – they’re encouraged to get in touch. Perhaps you know someone who came home late one night after a few and now has a moving lampshade in the living room. Though: ‘I don’t know what anybody would want an emu for.’ Mr Kavanagh added. Continue reading

News In Brief: Varadkar Says Cups Are Ok As Dempsey Springs To The Rescue

Don't be a mug while your driving! (image: urbanoutfitters.com)

Don’t be a mug while your driving! (image: urbanoutfitters.com)

Musician Damien Dempsey has cemented his place in Wexford’s own Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of fame after rescuing two ailing swimmers in the River Slaney, before drying himself off and carrying on to his scheduled gig. What a man. He didn’t even mention it afterwards. According to reports he swam him, towed the swimmers back to safety, got out, picked up his shoes and walked off into the sunset. Honest to God. Dempsey for president!

Continue reading

News in Brief-Daly Kicks Up A Storm As Obama-Mania Takes Over

Clare-DalyThe O’Bamas were here this week enjoying a trip to Glendalough and a portion of chips with Bono. Hasn’t all been Guinness and skittles though. Clare Daly’s been a bit mean about the Presidential family visit and the G8. Daly asked: “Is the US President seeking hypocrite of the century award?” Er, pot, kettle Clare, before branding him “Mr War Criminal” not the most original nickname. Continue reading