Posts Tagged ‘ Crime ’

News In Brief – Geldof Space Bound As World’s Ugliest Animal Revealed

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Another week, another wasted opportunity to write seriously about current affairs in this country. Oh well, here’s the news in brief.

A drugs gang have been busted for failing to grow any actually drugs. 150 marijuana plants were found by Gardai in rural Donegal before they discovered the plants were all male, meaning they don’t contain the ’high’ chemical. They’re effectively spinach. Gardai have been forced to downgrade the find from €120,000 worth of drugs to €0 of nothing. The potential weed farmers are likely to be spared jail for doing little more than arable farming. Continue reading

News in Brief-Dublin Man Shoots Himself As Cancer Patient Gets Trapped In Bus Luggage Compartment

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Communications Minister Pat Rabbitte has insisted there aren’t still ’cavemen’ in the country that don’t watch TV. Rather he reckons we’re all glued to Celeb Big Brother and RTE’s latest flop, The Hit. The only problem seems a lot of us aren’t fussed on paying our licence fee, in fact we may even go so far as to say we don’t own telly’s. Enda Kenny certainly doesn’t need one anyway with his none row seats at Tyrone vs Mayo.

You may remember a couple of NIBS ago we touched on the subject of metal detectors and their apparent heinous criminality. Well this week they’re back in the news after an unwitting man up North found the biggest arms haul in almost two decades. A local councillor described the find as “amateurish” with the weapons buried in only a shallow hole. Continue reading

News in Brief – Shocking Pictures Emerge As Lovely Cows Competition Takes Centre Stage

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We’ve all seen the shocking pictures posted online in the last week, of Simon Cowell with his shirt undone. At the London premiere of the new blockbuster, One Direction’s film – in which they learn the hand L trick to tell left and right – Simon certainly showed us more than we needed to see, much like the now eponymous “Slane pics”.

In fact, unbeknownst to the popular press, all eyes were on the Lovely Cows this week, no that’s not a typo. The Lovely Cows competition in Cavan is by far superior to The Rose of Tralee, judging, as it does, the loveliest of cows. How do you judge a lovely cow? NIB hears you ask, on “dairyness” and “femininity”. And there’s you thinking it was just about their pretty faces. Oh no. They’re talented bovines, reciting Irish poems and performing traditional dance, it’s a wonder it isn’t televised. Continue reading

Limerick Crime Boss Sentenced To Life For Geoghegan Murder

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Limerick crime boss John Dundon has been sentenced to life in prison after he was found guilty of the murder of Garryowen rugby player Shane Geoghegan in Limerick in 2008.

28-year-old Geoghegan died after he was shot five times in a case of mistaken identity as he walked to his girlfriend’s house in the early hours of 9 November, 2008. Continue reading

News in Brief-Silly Season Arrives As Fannygate Erupts

norrisWhat a week full of exciting, exhilarating and other ex- words news. Oh no it wasn’t, NIB was lying.

What has happened this week?

David Norris has won the inaugural NIB award for best quote of the year. The “controversial” senator accused Fine Gael TD Regina Doherty of ’talking through her fanny’ in relation to her comments of the abolition of the Seanad. Amazing. Continue reading

News in Brief-Michael Jackson Alive And Kicking As Hoodies May Be Banned

Wearing a hoodie could become a criminal offence in efforts to stop hoodlums using them to avoid identification when committing crimes. Covering their faces, gangs go un-captured across the country leading Michael Kilcoyne, independent councillor in Castlebar, Co Mayo to question their legality. The popular item of clothing has now been linked to the crimes of Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson and the Hound of the Baskervilles. Following these revelations NIB asks, have we been wearing our hoodie backwards? Continue reading

News in Brief-Ming Compares Himself To Branson As Sinead Reveals Drugged Up Oasis Frontman Proposed To Her

sineadandnoelWhat do British politician Mo Mowlam, Richard Branson and Bill Clinton have in common? Ming Flanagan apparently. According to the controversial TD himself who made the comparison in yet another call for the decriminalisation of drugs in Ireland, also admitting to having used class A narcotics in the past. Ming, representative for the Roscommon/South Leitrim area, has claimed it is unlikely other members of the Dail won’t have dabbled with drugs in the past and has suggested all TD’s take a lie detector test to prove their hypocrisy. Lucy will be in the sky with diamonds before that happens. Continue reading

News in Brief- Giant Snowman Kidnapped From Wicklow As Cork Councillor Suggests Remedy For Doggy Dirt

snowyJust call him Leveson Walsh, old Louis’s fought press laws and he’s won. The X Factor judge has this week settled a €500,000 defamation action against News Group Newspapers in Ireland. This comes alongside the results of the Lord Justice Leveson inquiry into press standards in the UK. The full four volume work was published yesterday and could see the papers going quiet over the water. But not News in Brief. No, we shall continue un-rumbled by the regulators for a while at least.

It’s not even the 1st of December but Santa and his helpers are on red alert. Particularly in County Wicklow where Snowy, the imaginatively named, giant snowman has gone missing and up to five hundred Christmas trees have also been nabbed.

Growers are employing extra security and even installing CCTV to protect their pines. But for poor Snowy it was too little, too late. Last seen wearing a black hat and carrot nose, the sixty foot inflatable worth approximately €3000, went missing from his home above a shop on Fitzwilliam street in the town. Although there have been some reported sightings nothing has been confirmed.

Enda nearly had egg on his face yesterday as students protested against grants cuts at University College Dublin. The Taoiseach who was visiting the university to launch their new sports centre narrowly avoided the missiles. Members of Free Education for Everyone who were involved in orchestrating the demonstration accused Mr Kenny’s budget of targeting societies most vulnerable. A worthy cause, but who’ll stand up for cannon fodder, those poor innocent chickens?

Some say he can smell dogs mess from four miles away. Some say his family call him the Super Pooper Scooper. All we know is that a councillor in Cork wants to start DNA testing dogs mess in an effort to crack down on pavement foulers! Cllr Kevin O’Keeffe (FF) raised the issue at a recent council meeting after researching similar methods used in the US.

Apparently any accidents at Sellafield nuclear site would have no ill effects on Ireland according to a new report but News in Brief fears it may be too late. Earlier this week another two Jedwards, clones (all right if you’ve seen them that’s questionable) of the original two were unleashed on the world! A Jedquad if you will. It’s OK though the two new Grimes’ are only wax works at the National Wax Museum in Dublin. We hope.

And finally Newstalk radio posed an interesting question during the week. Do Protestants put the toaster in the press overnight? Answers on a postcard.

Space for rent. Cheap rates. Would suit professionals in the British media. Fully furnished with space for free speech, features and articles. No Independent regulators or politicians need apply.

News in Brief-De Burgh Funds Anglo Musical But What About Cowen?

Twelve Anglo men. We found out at the start of that week that the Irish Lothario with an eye for the ladies in red Chris de Burgh, is in fact one of a dozen wealthy individuals that helped bankroll Anglo: The Musical. Un-burgh-lievable, who knew he had it in him?
Producers have refused to name who else might have chipped in to stage the satirical puppet show based on Ireland’s economic crash however Marian Keyes and Sharon Corr are believed to have had some involvement. News in Brief is going to start a book on the other 11, 14-1 Brian Cowen paid for his own puppet.

It looks like It could go all quiet on the Dublin front. An initiative proposed by the city council want’s to see a delegated area become “quiet zones” as part of a European directive. These areas can be parks or gardens with a day time decibel level of no more than 55 and the dominant sounds those of birds calling or water splashing. All well and good you may say but how will this silence be enforced? If you take a fit of the sneezes down at Dollymount Strand can you expect to be carted off? Or wrestled (silently) to the ground before having gaffe tape plastered across your face? It all sounds a bit Orwellian, not too far from the thought police.

F*** your Honda Civic and your horse I’ve got an ambulance outside. Whilst paramedics attended a house in Blanchardstown, west Dublin this week, the crew were amazed to discover when they came back outside their fire brigade vehicle had been nicked. Presumably not by the tax paying cream of Irish society. A second emergency vehicle then had to be called to pick up the crew of the first. The first ambulance was later found crashed at Corduff Park. Great craic lads.

Apparently austerity is undermining our human rights, and there’s News in Brief thinking it was all a big laugh! Honestly cutting off electricity and gas supplies is just makes dodging the dog a fun after dinner game and eating a cardboard cereal box is even quicker than the Special K challenge.
No, we don’t need Amnesty International Ireland to tell us life isn’t all beer and skittles and the next budget is effectively going to pour salt into our open wounds but sure isn’t it great to have a fully funded conference.

And finally News in Brief was astonished to hear of the passenger that had to step in to help land a diverted Lufthansa flight from Newark to Frankfurt at Dublin airport this week. As I’m sure was Michael O’Leary . . .

The Bord Gáis Energy Irish Book Awards 2011

Voting is well underway in this year’s book awards and in fact you only have a few days left in which to make your choices as the voting closes on 13th November. There are ten categories in the awards each with six shortlisted titles (five in both of the children’s categories) from which to choose. The public can vote via the Bord Gáis Book Club site and are automatically entered into a prize draw for one of five €100 National Book Tokens. In tandem with this set of votes, the members of the Irish Literary Academy (comprising around 100 people connected to the book trade) receive ballot papers to make their selection. The eventual winners will be announced at a Gala Dinner and Awards Ceremony on November 17th at the RDS in Ballsbridge, Dublin. It promises to be another glittering literary occasion for the UNESCO City of Literature.

Apart from the headline sponsor Bord Gáis Energy there are sponsors for the different prize categories such as Specsavers who support the children’s awards and Ireland A. M. sponsoring the Crime Novel of the Year category. Within the book trade itself, Dublin based wholesaler Argosy is the Irish Non-Fiction award sponsor while Eason and Hughes and Hughes Booksellers take care of the Popular Fiction Award and the Irish Novel of the Year respectively. The concept of the Irish Book Awards actually has its origins in the Hughes and Hughes Irish Novel of the Year Award (inaugurated in 2000) which eventually expanded to include more categories and sponsors in 2006. Some sponsors have come and gone over the years but at present only the Sports Award lacks a sponsor as Club Energise Sport pulled out from the IBA. In these austere times the companies that do still sponsor such awards are to be commended for their contribution to Ireland’s cultural life.

A quick skim over the novels in the fiction categories shows the wealth of talent around at the moment, comprising both established authors (such as Anne Enright, Sebastian Barry, Shelia O’Flanagan and Patricia Scanlan) and newcomers such as Sarah Harte with her Celtic Tiger inspired novel The Better Half. The shortlisted non-fiction titles cover a wide range of topics and include sport, biography, the state of the nation and cookery books. There are too many great titles to mention them all here but here’s a quick taster: Orla Tinsley’s thought provoking memoir Salty Baby which is up for the Best Newcomer prize (sponsored by the Sunday Independent); the final part of Tim Robinson’s Connemara trilogy (Best Irish published category sponsored by the International Education Services) and How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran (up for the John Murray Show Listeners’ Award).

If you haven’t got around to voting yet, take look at the Bord Gáis Awards page and read the list of contenders in more detail. Then take the plunge and make your choice. You never know, you may even win some book tokens in time for Christmas.