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Posts Tagged ‘ Garda ’

News In Brief: Criminal Does A Runner As Gardai Takeaway

Abrakebabra or Macaris? You decide! (image: soundtrackcollector.com)

Abrakebabra or Macaris? You decide! (image: soundtrackcollector.com)

Up first in our brief news this week a classic crime story that could only happen on our fair Isle. A dangerous criminal escaped from Garda custody as the lads in blue pulled their van over at a chipper. Sure you can’t fight crime when you’re starving! The public have been warned not to approach the criminal who is potentially dangerous, while the Gardai released a statement saying they preferred Abrakebabra to Macari’s.

Google have released the results of top searched for items in Ireland this year. It included such news stalwarts as the World Cup and Garthgate as well as the Greyhound recycling debacle. Amongst the predictable searches was Kim Kardashian’s arse and the death of Robin Williams but the real state of the nation was demonstrated in our second most popular googled question? How to… shift. What a romantic bunch we are. Continue reading

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News in Brief- No Plane Sailing For Rogue Irish

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Turns out Garda Commissioner Martin Callinan was sacked ‘on a whim’, NIB’s feeling whimmy this week, or full of whimsy, or whatever the phrase may be. Anyway . . .

Two Tic-tac workers have been offered a sweet deal after they were sacked by the sweet-maker for changing the recipe on a batch of Tic-tacs in a case of ‘gross misconduct’ (this story wins an award for most bizarre thing NIB’S heard in a while). How would you change the Tic-tac recipe, more importantly why? They’re hardly Willy Wonka worthy treats. Anyway, it doesn’t matter; the two workers were found to have been unfairly dismissed and awarded a pay-out in court. Continue reading

Gardai Seek Assistance In Search For TD’s Missing Son

lorcanosnodaigh

Gardaí in Kilmainham are seeking the public’s assistance in tracing the whereabouts of 16 year old Lorcan Ó’Snodaigh from Bluebell, Dublin 12. Lorcan, who is the son of Sinn Fèin TD Aengus, is missing since Saturday April 26th last.

When last seen, Lorcan was wearing a light blue jumper, blue jeans and was carrying a light blue backpack. He is described as having light brown hair, being of thin build and approximately 5’4 in height. Continue reading

News in Brief- Gardai Enjoy Eggcellent Banter

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For the day that was in it this week you have to be careful what you believe in this edition of NIB . . .

Limerick Council have introduced a new approach to dog littering, installing motion activated sensors that remind dog walkers to pick up after their pooch. NIB thinks it is a fantastic idea and could be rolled out to other areas of anti-social behaviour, OR EVEN BETTER, make them holograms! If Paul O’Connell popped up in the street as you casually threw aside a fag butt you’d be pretty quick about picking it up again. Continue reading

Garda Commissioner Callinan Announces Shock Resignation

CALLINAN

Garda Commissioner Martin Callinan has announced his shock resignation with immediate effect following the penalty points controversy.

Callinan said he had informed the Government and added that he had taken the decision for family reasons.

Those within the force who were close to him are believed to be shocked by his decision.

The commissioner had been under severe pressure for the past two months since his appearance at the Public Accounts Committee, where he labelled Garda whistleblowers as “disgusting”.

Some believe Callinan may have been forced into the decision in an attempt to strengthen the position of Minister For Justice Alan Shatter.

Image courtesy of RTE

Man Arrested Following Crumlin Fight

garda

Gardai have arrested a man after a gun was seized during a fight in Dublin.

Uniformed Gardaí were investigating an incident involving criminal damage at Rutland Grove in Crumlin shortly before 1am when they saw an altercation between a number of men. Continue reading

News in Brief: Ryanair Boss Lashes Out As Prince Willy Gets Set To Be A Daddy

Pregnant: Willie Wasted No Time

Pregnant: Willie Wasted No Time

An Garda Síochána to the rescue! The guards saved the day in a movie like sting this week just as a poor pensioner was about to be duped out of €5000 in a tarmacadam scam. In a crack down on fraudsters, uniform and armed officers (all with pants over tights of course and, News in Brief likes to imagine, accompanied by the Batman and Robin theme tune) were out in Waterford where they prevented the frail gentleman from parting with his cash in the nick of time. The suspects scarpered.

A former Fianna Fail councillor and chairman at IT Tralee has been defamed by no less than 26 professors who claim he plagiarised chunks of his thesis. This thesis makes up part of a degree paid for from his allowance from Clare County Council.

In some cases, the angered lectures allege, large pieces of the work by Flan Garvey are identical to previously published sources, including a whopping fourteen page segment that first appeared in a text from 1965. Mr Garvey certainly doesn’t get any honours.

Michael O’Leary has rained on the Gathering parade with a bizarre air of superiority (forgetting it’s himself that’ll be shipping tourists in to the economy boosting scheme).

Nothing if not controversial, the Ryanair boss has labelled the event scheduled for 2013 ‘The Grabbing’ criticising the increased taxes at Dublin Airport which will hit him directly. James O’Reilly, chairman of the World Mini Games that are coming to Cork next year (watch out Rio!) told O’Leary to ’cut out the negative bullshit’ a sentiment News in Brief shares but hopes Michael doesn’t take to mean toilets, seat cushions and pilots from all future flights.

Raindrops keep falling on my tent. It is the biggest tourist hub in the country and it’s also the wettest. Now Killarney is set to be covered in a giant heavy-duty, tent-like canopy so shoppers and tourists alike can keep dry while out and about. Local engineer Paudie O’Mahoney has devised the plan to cover the streets and encourage more “outdoor activities”, indoors. In a worrying prophecy Mr O’Mahoney said, ’I can see it taking off all over the country’. News in Brief isn’t keen on camping . . .

The biggest news story this week is of course the budget. If you were hoping for a Christmas miracle, forget it.
Millionaires will be targeted as will those at the other end of the spectrum earning under €18,000. Politicians will face stricter rules on expenses. Cigarettes, alcohol and fuel are all going up in price. Child benefit will be cut by €10 and medical card holders will see a rise in the prices they pay by 100%. Car tax is going up, dole will be cut, oh and elderly people will be given the chance to pay the property tax on their home from beyond the grave. And good will to all men.

“Last week she got a fringe, this week she’s growing her heir”. Kate Middleton, the future Queen, announced she is preggers. Some tabloids saw it coming when she got a new do – most women traditionally opt for a loose-fitting top, she went for a fringe. Anyway the poor old Princess was hospitalised with severe morning sickness. She was discharged last night although once she sees the papers she might need another visit.
While the Daily Mail speculated on what this meant for the context of those topless photos, on Twitter everyone was getting excited about the prospect of a Half Blood Prince. @RoyalFetus was born almost instantly with such insights as ‘burp’ and ‘I may not have bones yet but I’m already more important than everyone reading this’. Funny and true.

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