Posts Tagged ‘ gold ’

News In Brief-Kilkenny Man’s Hitler Cake Courts Controversy

hitlercake

 

There are monkeys loose in Belfast. Actual monkeys, running about, acting the maggot. They escaped from Belfast Zoo and have since been blamed for trouble in the Holy Lands, excessive drinking, late night parties and defecating in the street. (For those that don’t know the Holy Lands are a notoriously student populated part of the city. You’ve probably seen the area on the news when the lads have set light to a car.) Still, if you can’t beat ’em join ’em is what Martin McGuinness and First Minister Peter Robinson are reported to have said in a joint statement.

VAT on hurleys is to remain the same at 23% despite ash dieback affecting the trees they’re made from. We’ll be forced to make sliotars from spuds and our sticks from ham sandwiches! It’s not really a joke though, despite the issue being brought to the attention of a certain Noo-Nar man it was rejected as VAT can only be reduced in very “limited cases”, like if you’re a multi-billion dollar technology company. The trees may be dying off but soon it’ll be the hurley makers business dying back. Continue reading

News in Brief-Sex On The Beach In Donegal As Fallen Popstar Keating Charges €368 For Meet And Greet

showbiz_ronan_keatingAs if the health service didn’t have it tough enough now University Hospital Galway has fleas! A number of staff have been bitten by the infiltrating pests which hospital management assured had not affected patients. However fleas will be the least of the HSE’s problems with a new report highlighting the rise in life expectancy of the population. We may be living longer but we are apparently spending more of our lives sick or injured. Or soon, at work.

Minister of State for Older People Kathleen Lynch has suggested the Government will raise the age of retirement as part of their “positive ageing” strategy. News in Brief isn’t sure it’s to positive, fancy working at Maccy D’s into your seventies?

The pope is one pensioner still going. This week he has even started tweeting. Yes, Pope Benedict XIV is on Twitter, really. Providing us with 140 character insights into his day in Vatican City and so far gaining a million followers. Sure wouldn’t the good lord himself have recognised the growing importance of social media for brand image. If you fancy a follow he’s @Pontifex .

Bundoran in Donegal has always been popular with tourists because of its stretch of beautiful beaches. It seems however there are a new type of visitor to the coast line, an Easter European gang selling the services of prostitutes. Guards were alerted after a number of men were given calling cards by women offering a range of services. Gives a whole new meaning to sex on the beach.

Crap news in Galway where City Council officials had their fleet of eight bin trucks repossessed. The trucks were on loan from Holden Plant Hire in Kilkenny but their lease expired last September. Despite repeated warnings from Holden the vehicles were not returned. Fine Gael councillor Padraig Connelly described the incident as “incompetence on top of incompetence”, News in Brief calls it rubbish.

In celeb news it’s Ronan’s all round. Ronan O’Gara was a named as one of a plethora of high-profile people who conveniently had driving penalty points “disappeared” by the gardai. It’s alright though Justice Minister Alan Shatter said, he was one of less than 300 similar incidents.

The other Ronan, Keating that is, is charging fans €368 to meet him after some of his concerts. Obviously recession means nothing to Ronan despite his last album Fires not sparking much interest selling only 181 copies in the first few days though. He’s one up with a plan to post ticket sales though, he will be accompanied on tour by everyone’s favourite Westlife botherer Brian McFadden! That would be €368 well spent, on anything else.

We’ve struck gold down here in Wexford! A Dublin based mineral exploration firm has found a stash that could be worth millions. The location however has not been disclosed. You’ll understand if you don’t hear from News in Brief for a while I’m just going outside . . .