Posts Tagged ‘ Government ’

The Goggle Box – House Of Cards Splits The Deck

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House Of Cards Season 3 has been and gone and opinions are divided at best. Was the third season of a binge watch TV series ever going to go down a treat? Probably not. Are we all fools to have plowed through all 13 episodes in no time at all? Probably, yes. But the burning question, was it any good? Yes; and here’s why.

Lads, seriously, full spoilers for House Of Cards follow.

Continue reading

News In Brief: Benjy The Gay Bull’s Saved By Simpsons Creator

Irish post codes aren't allowed to be rude. What's the point? (image: Irishcentral.com)

Irish post codes aren’t allowed to be rude. What’s the point? (image: Irishcentral.com)

An Post have missed a trick with the new postcodes set to come in, apparently FECK won’t be eligible! Not even F1CK will be used. Apparently Eircode (imaginative name their lads) have been tasked with removing 90,000 possible offensive combinations for postcodes; including rude words or real names. In order to carry out this high-tech process the team bought online Scrabble and looked at all the three and four letter words. According to Liam Duggan of Capita Ireland who are behind it all, employees who performed the visual tests found some “unexpected things” like the fact two V’s next to each other look like a W. Jaysus who knevv?! Continue reading

News in Brief: Scare For Bulmers And A Treat For Trees

Hug a tree this Halloween (image: community.pearljam.com)

Hug a tree this Halloween (image: community.pearljam.com)

 

Are you a fern fan or a pine nut? That’s the question we’ve all been asking this week as the nation’s most ‘loveable’ tree was put to a vote. The National Tree Huggers 2014 contest which aims to crown one of Ireland’s greatest growths and spread awareness about environmental issues closes at midnight tonight so if you want to get in on the action you better get clicking. So far an 81-year-old tree hugger is in the lead, despite not owning a computer or having access to the internet, he’s been petitioning people in the streets, and it’s obviously worked. Maybe Enda might want to try dressing up as an Oak.

A satirical article been doing the rounds this week (NIB wouldn’t know anything about those) as the story of a Mayo postman caused concern. The pinnacle of Irish press that is The Mayo Globe published a piece on a Castlebar postie who was reportedly wandering into people’s homes, eating their food and demanding they let him watch Jeremy Kyle. While some of the more quick-witted amongst us got that it was a joke there was a lot of distress in the comments. One questioned whether he was mentally well while another called for his immediate dismissal. Another in Carnhill got to the big issue though ‘Sure as long as he doesn’t use their water I can’t see what the whole fuss is about’. Continue reading

News In Brief: Scotland’s In As Geldof’s Out

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Did Dobby Die For This?! (image: thedailyedge.ie)

A minor service interruption for NIB last week but don’t worry we’re not dead (yet). Anyway, on with the show.

Scotland had one job to do yesterday and they got it spectacularly wrong in NIB’s humble opinion, not as wrong as Joan Burton though who’s in trouble for using the phrase ‘there’s more than one way to skin a cat’. NIB would give you the context (banks, capitalisation blah blah blah) but it doesn’t really make much difference. Animal Rights group Aran was quick to accuse Joan of potentially causing ‘damage [to] the already troubled animal’ leading NIB to ask, what’s up with the cats? Continue reading

News In Brief: Point Renamed Again As Crow Reigns Terror On Louth

Caw Caw! (image: imperialmocha.deviantart.com)

Caw Caw! (image: imperialmocha.deviantart.com)

Another week, another cacophony of news -“Caw-caw” being the operative sound. Remember those sinister seagulls a few weeks ago? Ruining the height of summer with their antisocial behaviour? It’s not over yet, the birds are back.

There’s a crazy crow on the loose in Louth. Apparently, unlike the gulls this crow is a lone operator picking on dogs and the vulnerable as well as annoying everyone by pecking at kitchen windows. Perhaps we should give the fowl a minute, he might be trying to tell us something! Continue reading

News In Brief: Silly Season Kicks Off And It’s Bad News For Seagulls

‘They’ve lost the run of themselves.’ (picture: bbc.co.uk)

 

Silly season has well and truly kicked off and the Dail only broke up for their holidays yesterday. Now it’s NIB’s time to shine!

The Football Association of Ireland got in trouble at the start of the week for having a sense of humour. After Germany won the World Cup last Sunday the FAI tweeted their congratulations to the team who will also be the Irish side’s opponents in the 2016 Euro qualifiers in October. This wasn’t the offensive bit, it was the ‘***Gulp***’ added onto the end that made fans angry, accusing the FAI of being unsupportive, unpatriotic and unprofessional. Since when did Irish football fans get so touchy? It was only a joke, cop yourselves on!

They’ll be coming for NIB now won’t they?  ***Gulp***. Continue reading

News in Brief – Shatter Resigns As Kenny Morphs Into Putin

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Before we kick off can you all take a minute to imagine the theme to The Apprentice . . . got it? OK now we can start.

Alan Shatter has left the building. While the Indo asked ‘who trapped the rat in Leinster House?’ The answer became obvious, it was Enda and he was clutching him by his whiskery tail.

So Shatter has resigned and the future of the justice system is restored, well not exactly, but it’s bound to be a bit better right? RIGHT?! Former social worker Frances Fitzgerald has stepped up to the plate so hopefully she has a better idea of right and wrong. That’s beside the point though what NIB would like to draw everyone’s attention to is that Kenny has taken over Defence. Put a crown on him and call him Putin. Surely putting our dear leader in charge of the country’s defence policy is like appointing him leader of all things. Maybe NIB is exaggerating but you just wait, when the words ‘5-year-plans’ slip out you’ll know we warned you! Continue reading

News in Brief: MP Suggests Ireland Join British Commonwealth

 

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Tory MP With A Great Thatch

The Cabinet is being rifled with again, like a bowl of crap crisps at a party. Apparently the Taoiseach has said it will be in September after the European elections and could see Ruairi Quinn sent to the back of the class in the Department of Education. A senior source though has said no one really knows what’s going on. Sure if they don’t know who’s in charge of what, how will we know who to complain about?

A fella in Dublin is complaining, about his complete lack of golfing ability. In fact he is selling his clubs after coming to the realisation ‘I’m a danger to both myself and everyone else on the golf course’. Aww. The vendor, Ciaran, has declared himself the worst golfer in the world and is also selling some other golfing kit on Done Deal, ‘Also included is a Sureshot GPS unit for measuring distance to front/middle/ back of green on each hole. Please note this is only of use if you have any balls left to hit.’ Continue reading

News In Brief- Knowing Me, Knowing Who?

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Rebekah Brooks (former News of the World) has said this week she didn’t know phone hacking was illegal and that she couldn’t have that fella’s croissant and his new Lamborghini without asking either. She may have known what the celebs were getting up to on their nights off but she didn’t know she wasn’t meant to know. Ah. God love her.

Similarly Peter Robinson, up north, didn’t know the PSNI had sent a letter to a Republican “on-the-run” to tell him he wasn’t wanted anymore. Peter immediately called for a judicial review and issued a threat to resign, a threat that sank faster than Jesus’ pint after forty days in the desert. Not that Peter’s threat actually meant anything to anyone, except perhaps his wife. Continue reading

News in Brief – Water Scandal Breaks As Kemp Fears Dublin Death

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50, 85, 100, 180, not the winning Lotto numbers but the ever climbing bill for Irish Water. Imagine. We’ve been paying for our water through our tax contributions for years, so surely now paying a fee for it shouldn’t incur extra cost, if anything it should just be cash in the bank shouldn’t it? Wrong. Actually, water, the thing that falls freely from the sky a lot, is going to cost us a fortune in IT systems. And it was necessary for a lot of consultants to consult on this before consulting with the Government about how much more consultations and cash were needed. If only the Government had “consulted” NIB, we could have told them it would cost a lot and basically sounds like a crap plan, all for a pint and a packet of Tayto. NIB thinks it was Phil Hogan that said; ‘You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.’ An awful lot of expensive consultancy eggs. Continue reading