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Posts Tagged ‘ Irish News Review ’

News In Brief: How Not To Be A Sinful Santa

Bah humbug Bus Eireann! (image: globalcool.org)

Bah humbug Bus Eireann! (image: globalcool.org)

Sometimes you can’t make the news up, rather you can’t make the people who make the news up. NIB is thinking specifically here of the author who might remain nameless (NIB could change their mind) of The Kilkenny Journal. Their lead story this week: ‘Paedophiles set to pose as gays to marry and adopt kids’. At first NIB thought it was a joke, then we wished it was. According to the splash, predatory paedophiles are already flocking to Ireland in preparation for the gay marriage bill that will be going through the Dail in the spring. Once married they will use their status as happily married couples to adopt and then abuse children. NIB repeats, this is not a joke, this has actually been published online under the guise of actual factual reporting. Listen lads, it’s time to turn off the internet. We obviously can’t have nice things if this is how we behave. Continue reading

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News In Brief: Healy-Rae’s Cross And Gerry’s Not Happy Either

Mmmm Michael-Healy-Rae (image: irishecho.com.au)

Mmmm Michael-Healy-Rae (image: irishecho.com.au)

This, was the week Gerry Adams used the word “bastards” and everyone went mental but he wasn’t the only one letting his mouth work before his brain had had a chance to turn on.

Gregory Campbell a DUP politician and “b**tard” really went to town when he decided to lay into the Irish Language, poor defenceless little thing that it is. “Curry my yoghurt can coca coalyer” he told the Northern Assembly, taking the piss out of the Irish phrase: “Go raibh maith agat, Ceann Comhairle” meaning “Thank you, Chairperson”. He couldn’t see the big deal though and also said any proposed Irish Language Act would be treated, by himself, as toilet paper. Charming. Anyone that didn’t get the joke he said, needed a humour bypass. NIB doesn’t know, maybe he thought he was saying something else entirely, like; A man walked into a bar …. Or maybe he was just pissed, you’d need a drink to face the Northern Assembly. Continue reading

News In Brief: Benjy The Gay Bull’s Saved By Simpsons Creator

Irish post codes aren't allowed to be rude. What's the point? (image: Irishcentral.com)

Irish post codes aren’t allowed to be rude. What’s the point? (image: Irishcentral.com)

An Post have missed a trick with the new postcodes set to come in, apparently FECK won’t be eligible! Not even F1CK will be used. Apparently Eircode (imaginative name their lads) have been tasked with removing 90,000 possible offensive combinations for postcodes; including rude words or real names. In order to carry out this high-tech process the team bought online Scrabble and looked at all the three and four letter words. According to Liam Duggan of Capita Ireland who are behind it all, employees who performed the visual tests found some “unexpected things” like the fact two V’s next to each other look like a W. Jaysus who knevv?! Continue reading

News In Brief: Keith Barry Predicts Mary-Lou May Join The Jam Tarters

The only surviving picture from earlier this year when Mary-Lou and Gerry got stuck on a fence (Image:belfasttelegraph.co.uk)

The only surviving picture from earlier this year when Mary-Lou and Gerry got stuck on a fence (Image:belfasttelegraph.co.uk)

 

NIB opens this week by wondering if Mary-Lou is still in the Dáil? What craic! Staging a sit in (if you didn’t see it, where were you?) so everyone else could have a long weekend, good girl Mary Lou! It’s not the first time she’s got stuck somewhere though, on a press outing with her Dear Leader Gerry she previously got stuck on a fence. Then there was the “swing incident”, the Henry Street Penneys Protest and the reports this time last year she’d positioned herself on a seat in an industrial estate in Swords, although strangely Sinn Fein deny that one. Most recent reports in the popular press have hinted Martin O’Neill is eyeing Mary-Lou for Ireland’s upcoming match, that’s if she’ll leave Leinster House. Continue reading

News In Brief: Enda Tweets, Cows Petition EU And Clocks Go Back

`what...am...i...doing...pick up the eggs Eoin` Enda's getting to grips with social media to spread his message (image:thejournal.ie)

(image:thejournal.ie)

Another week in news and first up, (AND most exciting!), Enda’s on the old tweeting machine again, he must have been jealous of all the attention that toilet in Cork was getting. You’ve all forgotten about the tweeting toilet already haven’t you? You fickle bastards you haven’t forgotten about Jedward!

Anyway, yes an Taoiseach had something to say to his followers; `Twitter, it’s been a while… but it’s time to talk about the #littlethings`. Hmmm interesting, well not really, but what does it mean? Some thought he was divulging his love of One Direction while others speculated he meant something a little, ahem, more personal, if you get our drift. Down below like… Ugh. Most people just didn’t notice though, still with the long weekend coming up here’s hoping Enda has a few jars tonight and does some drunk tweeting –NO mickey pics Enda! Continue reading

News In Brief: Garth-Gate Simmers On As Do The Spuds!

 

We love da shpuds! (image courtesy: arandartdesings.com)

We love da shpuds! (image courtesy: arandartdesings.com)

 

Summer’s over everyone, go back indoors. There’s plenty of rather stupid news to catch-up on anyway.

The PSNI were called after a Ryder Cup flag hung up in Rory McIlroy’s hometown was mistaken for a ‘terrorist’ flag. The poor fella flying the flag was forced to explain to the plod, the emblem on his flag was actually that of the European Union that he’d put up for a party not that of ‘an Islamic terrorist group’ as was reported to the police. According to the BBC, whom the homeowner told his story in the end everyone was laughing. HAHAHA Terrorism! HAHAHA Golf! Deadly craic. Continue reading

News In Brief: Shannon, Sexism And Serious Amounts Of drugs

A whole hape of coke (image: Thejournal.ie)

A whole hape of coke (image: Thejournal.ie)

It’s been a grand aul week for the ploughing! Enda was there of course, making a show of himself at the annual championships – this year in Laois, but that wasn’t the only reason Irish farmers have been upset this week.

They’re not impressed with Rosanna Davison, daughter of a lady in red and Chris de Burgh, after she told readers of the Irish Independent’s Health and Living magazine that dairy products are bad for you. The Irish Creamery Milk Suppliers Association reacted accordingly calling her article “ill-advised and scientifically illiterate”. Zing! You can’t argue with science Rosanna, especially when you’re looking down the barrel of a big burger and a pint of milk! Mmm. Continue reading

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