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Posts Tagged ‘ irish water ’

News In Brief: Joan’s Phone-Gate Ruins World Egg Day

Joan Burton demonstrates her own new phone (image: Independent.ie)

Joan Burton demonstrates her own new phone (image: Independent.ie)

It’s that time of the week again, NIB knows you all sit prostrate and silent waiting for your weekly News in Brief, well here it is.

It seems a week cannot pass without Joan Burton saying something stupid. This time it was water meter protestors who she said: “Seem to have extremely expensive phones, tablets, video cameras. There has been the most extensive filming in relation to any of these actions that I have ever seen anywhere. Hollywood would be in the ha’penny place compared to what’s done here.” Holy mother of God! How could they? They’re obviously all social-welfare scrounging, JobBridge dropouts aren’t they Joan?! People on the dole shouldn’t be allowed food let alone phones, the shtate this country’s in, if only we didn’t have to fund Joan’s massive salary, free top-of-the-range devices, car and fecking dry cleaning.

Meanwhile in the Dail they were discussing removing the morning’s opening prayer (do you ever think how mad it is that our politicians sit around and talk about shite for hours, just for the craic?) Of course it’s all just a cover for playground-politics and evading the real issues, but Clare Daly thinks saying a prayer in the morning is “offensive”. It is part of a wider battle to get a law from 1855 prosecuting blasphemy removed from the constitution. But Clare, if no-ones given a shite since 1855 why should we bother now? They’ll only have to reprint the whole constitution (probably on pretty pink paper with a laminated cover) before they decided there’s a law banning cutting your toe nails they want to scrap. Continue reading

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News In Brief: Scotland’s In As Geldof’s Out

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Did Dobby Die For This?! (image: thedailyedge.ie)

A minor service interruption for NIB last week but don’t worry we’re not dead (yet). Anyway, on with the show.

Scotland had one job to do yesterday and they got it spectacularly wrong in NIB’s humble opinion, not as wrong as Joan Burton though who’s in trouble for using the phrase ‘there’s more than one way to skin a cat’. NIB would give you the context (banks, capitalisation blah blah blah) but it doesn’t really make much difference. Animal Rights group Aran was quick to accuse Joan of potentially causing ‘damage [to] the already troubled animal’ leading NIB to ask, what’s up with the cats? Continue reading

Water Joke: Single Renters To Pay The Bulk

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For years Irish households have been paying a tax for water and waste but now the Government has decided that is not enough and has created a new water and waste tax per household.

The discussion about this new water tax has been in and out of the media over the last few years but in five months time, when 2014 turns to 2015, it will become reality.

Today figures were released on what water will now cost and of course it is about 20% more than the Government said it would be back in April, steep inflation if you ask me. Continue reading

News in Brief – Another Week , Another Scandal

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NIB is currently sitting by a cup of cold coffee and some stale cream crackers (the glamour of working from home), Enda Kenny meanwhile is standing by the boss of Irish Water. Presumably he hasn’t got much on and just fancied a stand.

Tayto Park, home of the spud, has been banned from adding any new animals to its zoo after inspectors found “overweight” racoons and evidence of “inappropriate breeding”. Ohh err. Officials from the National Parks and Wildlife Service were following up on a previous ban in 2012 when animals were found to be stressed out and living in poor conditions. It is a theme park based around crisps let’s remember. On their return visit the inspectors were still not satisfied and Tayto have now been ordered not to add to their menagerie for the forseeable. The racoons will have to lay off the cheese and onion, as for the inappropriate breeding . . . Continue reading

News in Brief – Water Scandal Breaks As Kemp Fears Dublin Death

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50, 85, 100, 180, not the winning Lotto numbers but the ever climbing bill for Irish Water. Imagine. We’ve been paying for our water through our tax contributions for years, so surely now paying a fee for it shouldn’t incur extra cost, if anything it should just be cash in the bank shouldn’t it? Wrong. Actually, water, the thing that falls freely from the sky a lot, is going to cost us a fortune in IT systems. And it was necessary for a lot of consultants to consult on this before consulting with the Government about how much more consultations and cash were needed. If only the Government had “consulted” NIB, we could have told them it would cost a lot and basically sounds like a crap plan, all for a pint and a packet of Tayto. NIB thinks it was Phil Hogan that said; ‘You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.’ An awful lot of expensive consultancy eggs. Continue reading

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