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Posts Tagged ‘ Jedward ’

News In Brief: Enda Tweets, Cows Petition EU And Clocks Go Back

`what...am...i...doing...pick up the eggs Eoin` Enda's getting to grips with social media to spread his message (image:thejournal.ie)

(image:thejournal.ie)

Another week in news and first up, (AND most exciting!), Enda’s on the old tweeting machine again, he must have been jealous of all the attention that toilet in Cork was getting. You’ve all forgotten about the tweeting toilet already haven’t you? You fickle bastards you haven’t forgotten about Jedward!

Anyway, yes an Taoiseach had something to say to his followers; `Twitter, it’s been a while… but it’s time to talk about the #littlethings`. Hmmm interesting, well not really, but what does it mean? Some thought he was divulging his love of One Direction while others speculated he meant something a little, ahem, more personal, if you get our drift. Down below like… Ugh. Most people just didn’t notice though, still with the long weekend coming up here’s hoping Enda has a few jars tonight and does some drunk tweeting –NO mickey pics Enda! Continue reading

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News in Brief: Quinn Jumps Before He’s Pushed

NIB's favourite artistes (image courtesy: planetjedward.net)

NIB’s favourite artistes (image courtesy: planetjedward.net)

In what can only be described as typical, Enda Kenny’s put his foot firmly into his mouth -this week he’s been calling Joan-people! People, he’s been calling people fat, according to Micheal Martin anyway. The Fianna Fail leader accused the Taoiseach of being fattist following questioning over the decision to suspend gastric band operations. In a bid to save money Enda suggested the waiting patients go for a jog instead and cut out the Supermacs: ‘prevention is better than cure’ to which Martin took offence. He reckons obese people are subject to ‘the last acceptable form of discrimination’, although conceded this couldn’t be applied to James Reilly.

In other political news Ruairi Quinn has been retired! Well jumped, before he was pushed, out of Leinster House. What does this mean for us?! NIB hears you all cry. Oh no sorry, you were wondering about your World Cup Office sweepstake now USA are out. Continue reading

News in Brief- Tesco Launch Not So Eggcellent Trolley Deposit Scheme

jedward

For the day that’s in it and those of you that are in the office and in need of some NIB to brighten your day, let’s kick off with a catastrophe in Kerry.

A crucifix has the whole place divided as councillors can’t decide where to hang the thing in their local offices. Some councillors argue the inclusion of a crucifix, on their office wall; will promote sectarian divisions and religious inequality, while others think the mere presence of a little MDF son of God will make people more honest. Jesus, no pun intended (maybe a little bit); if a wooden statue could stop people lying we’d all be working under mini-statues of our mammies. Councillor Toirèasa Ferris, who labels herself a Christian, opposes the idea as she said; ‘where does religion come into pothole filling’. The councillors have obviously forgotten the real meaning of Easter which is entirely chocolate based.

Tesco in Ballymun understand, they know there are too many Easter eggs and not enough time. Just don’t grab too many, it’ll cost you a tenner for the use of a trolley. The new deposit scheme has been implemented after ‘massive trolley loss’. What constitutes ‘massive’ trolley loss exactly NIB wonders? Who knows though, they may rise again in a few days. Continue reading

News in Brief- Cork Ice Cream Men Brawl As President Visits UK

bertiesuperman

Two ice cream men have themselves whipped up into a frenzy as both face charges for assault. Frederick Williams (31), of Gurranabraher, Cork and Alan O’Halloran (29), from Churchfield, Cork have begun a turf war over the best ice cream spots in the second city after things got a little out of hand. An altercation became violent and, it has been claimed, one of the men reached into the other’s van and ‘pulled his ice cream lever’. (Please insert your own appropriate ice cream pun).

Did you know?! RTE spends over €1,000 a day on hair and make-up and that’s not just on the upkeep of Brian Dobson’s coiffure! In figures revealed by The Sun, RTE haven’t been holding back when it comes to making sure their stars look radiant, glowing and like they’ve spent the last 20 minutes in a very hot oven. That’s not all though €18,682 went on food and drink for the Late Late green room in one year. That’s not just any backstage food, that’s M&S backstage food. Continue reading

A Year in Brief: Part Two

sineadandmiley

Part two of NIB’s yearly round-up because 2013 was just too good! (Read part one here).

Dublin’s new bridge, crossing the Liffey at Marlborough Street and connecting Luas lines on each side of the river, was on the lookout for a name. A list of 85 possibilities was suggested by the public which was then shortlisted by Dublin City Council to 17. Some suggestions in a comments thread on The Times website included: Bosco Bridge; Daniel Day Luas Bridge (nice); Da Plain People O’Ireland Bridge; Jedward Bridge; and NIB favourite, the Feckin’ Bridge. Continue reading

News in Brief- Irish Emigrants Blamed For STD Influx In NZ

irishAlan Shatter is in trouble this week for apparently offending ‘old’ prostitutes. Honestly, the man has experienced anti-semitic hatred and cruel personal jibes recently and then he goes and calls prostitutes working in Ireland ‘old’. Actually, the story is not quite as clear-cut as tabloid headlines would have us believe, SHOCK and AWE. He wasn’t calling all prostitutes old, just some.

Our international reputation isn’t doing so well either after an article in the New York Times has caused uproar, depicting life in post-Tiger Ireland. According to the piece produced by Liz Alderman, there’s a man in Shankill in Dublin who shoots and BBQ’s pigeons to survive. The story has met widespread disapproval from locals and councillors of Shankill alike; Fine Gael TD Mary Mitchell O’Connor said she rejects the description of the town and the main subject of the article, who used to own boats and a five-bedroom house and now resorts to pigeon shooting on the street to survive. NIB isn’t sure, perhaps Shankill is the social equivalent of Mordor, I mean American’s don’t normally exaggerate do they? Continue reading

News in Brief-President Called “Acknowledged Homosexual” As Jedward Return

Olympic TorchSilly season hasn’t quite got underway with enough speed this year. NIB wants false accusations of homosexuality, sex-fetish filled Ireland and Jedward to do something stupid! Oh wait . . .

Who knew Michael D was an “acknowledged homosexual”? Not even Michael D himself, must have come as quite a surprise to his wife and four kids. American ’Forbes’ magazine was forced to issue an apology after a piece claimed Higgins was a massive gay boy. They weren’t exactly their words. Michael D wasn’t bothered though, because he’s a massive legend, he just got on with this week’s engagements. How would Enda react to similar claims NIB wonders? Continue reading

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