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Posts Tagged ‘ Leaving Cert ’

News In Brief: Danger Looms As Loo’s Demolished

The loom band disease spreads fast from extremities to internal organs! (image: pinterest.com)

The loom band disease spreads fast from extremities to internal organs! (image: pinterest.com)

Step away from the loom bands! They will KILL you. Danger is looming! Turns out the popular little rubber bands that everyone is spending hours tying in knots could actually be highly cancerous. Well not the actual bands, NIB doesn’t want to scaremonger, but the little charms you can add to your creations. They’ve been found to have excessive levels of carcinogens causing global panic. Or a small media panic. With each great craze comes a great fall, remember when Tamogotchis got smart and started taking over the world and the Americans had to be called in?

In other news it’s been Leaving Cert results week and in true Irish fashion a pub has been blacklisted for offering shots to students at 10.30am. The Bishopstown Bar in Cork, had to apologise after tweeting; ‘Best of luck to all getting results. Remember we serve alcohol from 10.30am’ proving just how important it is to pass your exams so you don’t end up running a pub that opens after Jeremy Kyle every morning. Continue reading

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News In Brief: Leaving Cert, Dirt And Horse Hurt

Just a man, in his pants, rolling turf (Image: gardenplansireland.com)

Just a man, in his pants, rolling turf (Image: gardenplansireland.com)

A Donegal GAA team stopped their bus on the way home from a match this week, not because the lads needed to make use of nature’s services, but to help a man turn his turf in Galway. Despite having lost their match against a Donegal team, the junior semi-finalists were feeling charitable, with 30 of them as well as management and helpers hopping off the bus to lend a hand. Ahh lads as if you weren’t already the golden glow in Irish mammies hearts.

They may have offered the RTE lads a lift though! Turns out RTE staff have been told to ‘get the bus’ in an effort to slash the broadcaster’s spending. Apparently the news room is pretty peed off about it, as they’ll no longer be able to book taxis to take them to their “important meetings” (read as expense account lunches). Don’t expect to be moving over for Sharon Ni Bheolain though she only travels by unicorn and magic carpet. Continue reading

News in Brief – Corrupt Government To Silence The Internet As Leaving Cert Cheaters Face Anxious Wait

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Do you smell like sheep s***? Do people avoid you because of your stink? Are you a hardened farmer with his own willies and appropriate tan? If you can drive a bullet proof John Dere you could be in luck , Pope Francis may have the job for you! Apparently the Pope wants his bishops to be real shepherds, actual shepherds, with sheep. No not really, but he wants them to be leaders of their flock, part of the farm, a bishop in wolves clothing even. Or sheets clothing anyway. Continue reading

Education Cuts Pose a Real Threat to our Future

  • Threats and bully boy tactics. That’s what Ireland’s present government is becoming known for. We’ve already seen it with the fiasco that has been the introduction and implementation of the hated household tax – threats of further fines and lawsuits should Irish citizens refuse to simply shut their mouths and stump up a good chunk of what little cash is left to them to pay for someone else’s mistakes.

That hasn’t resonated too well with the Irish public. Despite government figures which quote a compliance rate of around 60 per cent, when the figures concerning landlords with multiple properties on which they must pay the charge are removed, the number drops down to the half-way mark. Householders aren’t the only ones who are being forced to shoulder the debts of people farther up the chain and thus apparently immune to retribution. Recent reports are suggesting that students and their parents will be hit by a review of grants, while Agriculture Minister, Simon Coveney has been openly warned by Finance Minister Michael Noonan to cease publicly opposing any proposed changes to the system.

Grants are already means tested to the hilt. Everything from which a student’s parent receives income is included in the application, and as someone who has had the misfortune of having to wade through the river of paper needed to secure a miserable few euros of assistance, I can attest to the processes’ thoroughness. Rest assured, should an area of income amount to only one cent, that cent will be considered. Now the penny pinchers are scrutinising the system as closely as possible, in an attempt to find new ways by which to deny prospective students government assistance. Savings accounts are one possible way they have hit upon. Should you have gone against the grain during the years of the Celtic tiger, and squirreled away money rather than recklessly spent it, bad news. And if you’re a farmer? Bad luck again, apart from the heavy rains delaying the harvest once more. Aside from business premises, farmland may also be included under a new, ‘improved’ means test, despite the fact that it may be simply sitting there collecting grass, without making a significant or even any contribution to a family’s income.

It’s not just a monetary impact that this will have. Sure, more families will have to fork out extra to ensure their kids receive a necessary education and have some hope of getting a job in the next few decades. But for others, university simply isn’t going to be an option anymore. The number of entrants and graduates will fall and all the bluster about finding more jobs will be pointless, because in the future, there won’t be the people to fill them. Instead, we’ll have scores of young people, whose only qualification is a Leaving Cert or perhaps a FAS course which, in a world where many employers are looking for master degrees more and more, means they are about as useful for getting a job as only having done your Junior Cert.

We pride ourselves on our Irish identity. At home or abroad we fly the flag, shouting for our representatives with an unbridled fervour and passion, or looking on in pride as they tour the world. We are fighters, lovers, a race of proud people who stand up to oppressors and never say die. Ireland, at one stage and for quite a long time, was also the land of saints and scholars, the island of education, to whom the rest of the world flocked in search of knowledge and learning. Our leaders have already ensured the next generation will be saddled with the debt of a few. Will we throw away their chances at an education too? Our future lies with the young people, and if we can’t do our utmost to provide them with the best possible education, we’ve not only failed them but our country and its future. If only our politicians showed the same level of support and apparent admiration and care for the ordinary people of this country as they do for the exceptional ones.

In the end, the power to refuse these movements should rest with the Irish people. It is to us that our politicians answer to, and it is us who can make or break them. We elect them to run our country on behalf of us, to look after the population as a whole, rather than run us into the ground and shove our faces in the dirt while we’re down there. Perhaps we need to look after ourselves. As V said so memorably, “people should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.”

News in Brief-A Weeks of Mishaps As Wallace And Starbucks Gain Unwanted Attention

Mick Wallace, the tax evading TD, is on the naughty step again. The Independent TD has insisted it is “very unlikely” his firm will honour its debts to the Revenue. Reassuring to many Irish families suffering through the monetary crisis. Wallace also insists he will not resign despite deliberately breaking the law by knowingly under-declaring Vat. Nine members of the technical group of TDs said Mr Wallace had “done wrong and that he should be equally accountable as any other TD or ordinary Irish citizen”. However this would imply white-haired Wallace from Wexford, in his pink shirt and dangly earring is an ordinary citizen . . .

 

In other money news Kanye West and Jay Z are giving the cash-strapped Irish public a break by reducing their fees for their regally titled show, Watch the Throne at the O2 on Saturday night. How very good of the multi-millionaire musicians. As long as us commoners do indeed, watch their thrones on our way out.

 

Starbucks have found themselves in trouble this week after they “erroneously posted” a tweet on their @StarbucksIE account saying; “Happy hour is on! Show us what makes you proud to be British for a chance to win. Don’t forget to tag #MyFrappuccino”. Irish followers didn’t take well to the mis-tweet with comedy writer Colm Tobin calling it, “the social media equivalent of Oliver Cromwell kicking Fungi in the nose” and another tweeter suggesting Starbucks re-name frappuccino’s, ‘Trappachino’s’ for the duration of the Euro 2012.

 

The Green Army are on their way to Poland as we speak for the start of Euro 2012. What a terrifyingly drunken sight they must be. Dublin airport is set to struggle through the masses of Irish fans who are being urged not to boost Poland’s sex trade whilst in the country. Katherine Dunne, Labour Women Chair, commented: ‘Experience has shown that any major sporting event at which large numbers of people congregate results in a temporary and spectacular increase in the demand for sexualservices’. And that’s just the footballers.

 

Junior cert. and Leaving cert. students are also kicking off, with many now having sat their English, Irish and Home Ec. papers. There was even a surprise visit from Justin Bieber, not in person which would presumably have caused mass hysteria, but in the Higher Irish Leaving cert. exam. Tá mé Justin, an bhfuil tú Belieber?

 

In another major sporting event, the Olympic flame briefly came to Ireland, who did we send forth to carry it aloft? You all know. I’m not naming them this week. Those two.

 

 

 

 
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