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Posts Tagged ‘ Leinster House ’

News In Brief: Benjy The Gay Bull’s Saved By Simpsons Creator

Irish post codes aren't allowed to be rude. What's the point? (image: Irishcentral.com)

Irish post codes aren’t allowed to be rude. What’s the point? (image: Irishcentral.com)

An Post have missed a trick with the new postcodes set to come in, apparently FECK won’t be eligible! Not even F1CK will be used. Apparently Eircode (imaginative name their lads) have been tasked with removing 90,000 possible offensive combinations for postcodes; including rude words or real names. In order to carry out this high-tech process the team bought online Scrabble and looked at all the three and four letter words. According to Liam Duggan of Capita Ireland who are behind it all, employees who performed the visual tests found some “unexpected things” like the fact two V’s next to each other look like a W. Jaysus who knevv?! Continue reading

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News In Brief: Keith Barry Predicts Mary-Lou May Join The Jam Tarters

The only surviving picture from earlier this year when Mary-Lou and Gerry got stuck on a fence (Image:belfasttelegraph.co.uk)

The only surviving picture from earlier this year when Mary-Lou and Gerry got stuck on a fence (Image:belfasttelegraph.co.uk)

 

NIB opens this week by wondering if Mary-Lou is still in the Dáil? What craic! Staging a sit in (if you didn’t see it, where were you?) so everyone else could have a long weekend, good girl Mary Lou! It’s not the first time she’s got stuck somewhere though, on a press outing with her Dear Leader Gerry she previously got stuck on a fence. Then there was the “swing incident”, the Henry Street Penneys Protest and the reports this time last year she’d positioned herself on a seat in an industrial estate in Swords, although strangely Sinn Fein deny that one. Most recent reports in the popular press have hinted Martin O’Neill is eyeing Mary-Lou for Ireland’s upcoming match, that’s if she’ll leave Leinster House. Continue reading

News in Brief: Scare For Bulmers And A Treat For Trees

Hug a tree this Halloween (image: community.pearljam.com)

Hug a tree this Halloween (image: community.pearljam.com)

 

Are you a fern fan or a pine nut? That’s the question we’ve all been asking this week as the nation’s most ‘loveable’ tree was put to a vote. The National Tree Huggers 2014 contest which aims to crown one of Ireland’s greatest growths and spread awareness about environmental issues closes at midnight tonight so if you want to get in on the action you better get clicking. So far an 81-year-old tree hugger is in the lead, despite not owning a computer or having access to the internet, he’s been petitioning people in the streets, and it’s obviously worked. Maybe Enda might want to try dressing up as an Oak.

A satirical article been doing the rounds this week (NIB wouldn’t know anything about those) as the story of a Mayo postman caused concern. The pinnacle of Irish press that is The Mayo Globe published a piece on a Castlebar postie who was reportedly wandering into people’s homes, eating their food and demanding they let him watch Jeremy Kyle. While some of the more quick-witted amongst us got that it was a joke there was a lot of distress in the comments. One questioned whether he was mentally well while another called for his immediate dismissal. Another in Carnhill got to the big issue though ‘Sure as long as he doesn’t use their water I can’t see what the whole fuss is about’. Continue reading

News In Brief: Rainy Day As Austerity Goes Away

It's coming lads! (image courtesy: rock.genius.com)

It’s coming lads! (image courtesy: rock.genius.com)

Time for another game of `Who Said What this Week?` And guess who features, again, Joan Burton, obviously.

So what was it this week that was getting Joan’s knickers all twisted? She was speaking out about the news that tech giants Facebook and Apple are now going to pay for female employees to have their eggs frozen saying, she was `not a fan`. Hang on, does NIB agree? Oh god, we never thought this would happen, agreeing with Joan Burton (although she wasn’t exactly rocking the boat), let’s move quickly on… Continue reading

News In Brief: Joan’s Phone-Gate Ruins World Egg Day

Joan Burton demonstrates her own new phone (image: Independent.ie)

Joan Burton demonstrates her own new phone (image: Independent.ie)

It’s that time of the week again, NIB knows you all sit prostrate and silent waiting for your weekly News in Brief, well here it is.

It seems a week cannot pass without Joan Burton saying something stupid. This time it was water meter protestors who she said: “Seem to have extremely expensive phones, tablets, video cameras. There has been the most extensive filming in relation to any of these actions that I have ever seen anywhere. Hollywood would be in the ha’penny place compared to what’s done here.” Holy mother of God! How could they? They’re obviously all social-welfare scrounging, JobBridge dropouts aren’t they Joan?! People on the dole shouldn’t be allowed food let alone phones, the shtate this country’s in, if only we didn’t have to fund Joan’s massive salary, free top-of-the-range devices, car and fecking dry cleaning.

Meanwhile in the Dail they were discussing removing the morning’s opening prayer (do you ever think how mad it is that our politicians sit around and talk about shite for hours, just for the craic?) Of course it’s all just a cover for playground-politics and evading the real issues, but Clare Daly thinks saying a prayer in the morning is “offensive”. It is part of a wider battle to get a law from 1855 prosecuting blasphemy removed from the constitution. But Clare, if no-ones given a shite since 1855 why should we bother now? They’ll only have to reprint the whole constitution (probably on pretty pink paper with a laminated cover) before they decided there’s a law banning cutting your toe nails they want to scrap. Continue reading

News In Brief: Silly Season Kicks Off And It’s Bad News For Seagulls

‘They’ve lost the run of themselves.’ (picture: bbc.co.uk)

 

Silly season has well and truly kicked off and the Dail only broke up for their holidays yesterday. Now it’s NIB’s time to shine!

The Football Association of Ireland got in trouble at the start of the week for having a sense of humour. After Germany won the World Cup last Sunday the FAI tweeted their congratulations to the team who will also be the Irish side’s opponents in the 2016 Euro qualifiers in October. This wasn’t the offensive bit, it was the ‘***Gulp***’ added onto the end that made fans angry, accusing the FAI of being unsupportive, unpatriotic and unprofessional. Since when did Irish football fans get so touchy? It was only a joke, cop yourselves on!

They’ll be coming for NIB now won’t they?  ***Gulp***. Continue reading

News in Brief: Quinn Jumps Before He’s Pushed

NIB's favourite artistes (image courtesy: planetjedward.net)

NIB’s favourite artistes (image courtesy: planetjedward.net)

In what can only be described as typical, Enda Kenny’s put his foot firmly into his mouth -this week he’s been calling Joan-people! People, he’s been calling people fat, according to Micheal Martin anyway. The Fianna Fail leader accused the Taoiseach of being fattist following questioning over the decision to suspend gastric band operations. In a bid to save money Enda suggested the waiting patients go for a jog instead and cut out the Supermacs: ‘prevention is better than cure’ to which Martin took offence. He reckons obese people are subject to ‘the last acceptable form of discrimination’, although conceded this couldn’t be applied to James Reilly.

In other political news Ruairi Quinn has been retired! Well jumped, before he was pushed, out of Leinster House. What does this mean for us?! NIB hears you all cry. Oh no sorry, you were wondering about your World Cup Office sweepstake now USA are out. Continue reading

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