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Posts Tagged ‘ Michael O’Leary ’

News In Brief: Point Renamed Again As Crow Reigns Terror On Louth

Caw Caw! (image: imperialmocha.deviantart.com)

Caw Caw! (image: imperialmocha.deviantart.com)

Another week, another cacophony of news -“Caw-caw” being the operative sound. Remember those sinister seagulls a few weeks ago? Ruining the height of summer with their antisocial behaviour? It’s not over yet, the birds are back.

There’s a crazy crow on the loose in Louth. Apparently, unlike the gulls this crow is a lone operator picking on dogs and the vulnerable as well as annoying everyone by pecking at kitchen windows. Perhaps we should give the fowl a minute, he might be trying to tell us something! Continue reading

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News in Brief – Bins, Ming and the Taoiseach’s Things

Ming Campainging for BOI to Keep our Fur!

Ming campaigning for BOI to Keep our Fur!

A 90-year-old woman is being pursued by debt collectors for a €14 bin fine. That’s right, while the world crumbles and Ming Flanagan seems our most viable option for Europe, Dublin City Council want their €14 back! The woman, who has not been named, lives alone in inner-city Dublin and became the subject of the debt collectors interest over an unpaid bill dating back to the privatisation of Dublin’s waste collection services. Four letters were sent threatening aggressive legal action and publication in Stubbs Gazette. Well done lads, what a lovely bunch you are, can NIB point you in the direction of a Mr Shatter who owes us €70k?

A painting by Michael Flatley tops the list of the Taoiseach’s most expensive gifts. The painting title ‘The Irish Potato Famine’ was created by Flatley daubing his feet in paint and dancing on a canvas (and you can tell) and has been valued at €5000. Other gifts include a golden replica of the Mecca Royal Hotel Clock Tower (Enda’s a bingo fan), a bust of JFK, a bottle of booze from the Queen and a boat. So that’s nice isn’t it? Good old Enda. NIB got three pairs of tights last Christmas . . . Continue reading

GAA: Roscommon And Tipperary Claim League Titles

gaa

Allianz National Football League Final Division 3

Roscommon 1-17 Cavan 0-18

Roscommon narrowly edged past Cavan to win the Allianz National League Third Division.

Cavan started the game brightly and were beginning to pull away from Roscommon, they however seemed slow to get into this game, as Cavan opened up a five point advantage at one stage. Cavan could have extended their lead only for Roscommon goalkeeper Darren O’Malley to deny them from the penalty spot. Roscommon gradually grew into the game as they approached half time and with a fortuitous goal scored by David Keenan they moved to within a point of the Breffni men. Continue reading

News in Brief: Ryanair Boss Lashes Out As Prince Willy Gets Set To Be A Daddy

Pregnant: Willie Wasted No Time

Pregnant: Willie Wasted No Time

An Garda Síochána to the rescue! The guards saved the day in a movie like sting this week just as a poor pensioner was about to be duped out of €5000 in a tarmacadam scam. In a crack down on fraudsters, uniform and armed officers (all with pants over tights of course and, News in Brief likes to imagine, accompanied by the Batman and Robin theme tune) were out in Waterford where they prevented the frail gentleman from parting with his cash in the nick of time. The suspects scarpered.

A former Fianna Fail councillor and chairman at IT Tralee has been defamed by no less than 26 professors who claim he plagiarised chunks of his thesis. This thesis makes up part of a degree paid for from his allowance from Clare County Council.

In some cases, the angered lectures allege, large pieces of the work by Flan Garvey are identical to previously published sources, including a whopping fourteen page segment that first appeared in a text from 1965. Mr Garvey certainly doesn’t get any honours.

Michael O’Leary has rained on the Gathering parade with a bizarre air of superiority (forgetting it’s himself that’ll be shipping tourists in to the economy boosting scheme).

Nothing if not controversial, the Ryanair boss has labelled the event scheduled for 2013 ‘The Grabbing’ criticising the increased taxes at Dublin Airport which will hit him directly. James O’Reilly, chairman of the World Mini Games that are coming to Cork next year (watch out Rio!) told O’Leary to ’cut out the negative bullshit’ a sentiment News in Brief shares but hopes Michael doesn’t take to mean toilets, seat cushions and pilots from all future flights.

Raindrops keep falling on my tent. It is the biggest tourist hub in the country and it’s also the wettest. Now Killarney is set to be covered in a giant heavy-duty, tent-like canopy so shoppers and tourists alike can keep dry while out and about. Local engineer Paudie O’Mahoney has devised the plan to cover the streets and encourage more “outdoor activities”, indoors. In a worrying prophecy Mr O’Mahoney said, ’I can see it taking off all over the country’. News in Brief isn’t keen on camping . . .

The biggest news story this week is of course the budget. If you were hoping for a Christmas miracle, forget it.
Millionaires will be targeted as will those at the other end of the spectrum earning under €18,000. Politicians will face stricter rules on expenses. Cigarettes, alcohol and fuel are all going up in price. Child benefit will be cut by €10 and medical card holders will see a rise in the prices they pay by 100%. Car tax is going up, dole will be cut, oh and elderly people will be given the chance to pay the property tax on their home from beyond the grave. And good will to all men.

“Last week she got a fringe, this week she’s growing her heir”. Kate Middleton, the future Queen, announced she is preggers. Some tabloids saw it coming when she got a new do – most women traditionally opt for a loose-fitting top, she went for a fringe. Anyway the poor old Princess was hospitalised with severe morning sickness. She was discharged last night although once she sees the papers she might need another visit.
While the Daily Mail speculated on what this meant for the context of those topless photos, on Twitter everyone was getting excited about the prospect of a Half Blood Prince. @RoyalFetus was born almost instantly with such insights as ‘burp’ and ‘I may not have bones yet but I’m already more important than everyone reading this’. Funny and true.

News in Brief-De Burgh Funds Anglo Musical But What About Cowen?

Twelve Anglo men. We found out at the start of that week that the Irish Lothario with an eye for the ladies in red Chris de Burgh, is in fact one of a dozen wealthy individuals that helped bankroll Anglo: The Musical. Un-burgh-lievable, who knew he had it in him?
Producers have refused to name who else might have chipped in to stage the satirical puppet show based on Ireland’s economic crash however Marian Keyes and Sharon Corr are believed to have had some involvement. News in Brief is going to start a book on the other 11, 14-1 Brian Cowen paid for his own puppet.

It looks like It could go all quiet on the Dublin front. An initiative proposed by the city council want’s to see a delegated area become “quiet zones” as part of a European directive. These areas can be parks or gardens with a day time decibel level of no more than 55 and the dominant sounds those of birds calling or water splashing. All well and good you may say but how will this silence be enforced? If you take a fit of the sneezes down at Dollymount Strand can you expect to be carted off? Or wrestled (silently) to the ground before having gaffe tape plastered across your face? It all sounds a bit Orwellian, not too far from the thought police.

F*** your Honda Civic and your horse I’ve got an ambulance outside. Whilst paramedics attended a house in Blanchardstown, west Dublin this week, the crew were amazed to discover when they came back outside their fire brigade vehicle had been nicked. Presumably not by the tax paying cream of Irish society. A second emergency vehicle then had to be called to pick up the crew of the first. The first ambulance was later found crashed at Corduff Park. Great craic lads.

Apparently austerity is undermining our human rights, and there’s News in Brief thinking it was all a big laugh! Honestly cutting off electricity and gas supplies is just makes dodging the dog a fun after dinner game and eating a cardboard cereal box is even quicker than the Special K challenge.
No, we don’t need Amnesty International Ireland to tell us life isn’t all beer and skittles and the next budget is effectively going to pour salt into our open wounds but sure isn’t it great to have a fully funded conference.

And finally News in Brief was astonished to hear of the passenger that had to step in to help land a diverted Lufthansa flight from Newark to Frankfurt at Dublin airport this week. As I’m sure was Michael O’Leary . . .

News in Brief-Noonan Hops To Mexico As Mock Up Merkel Flag Rakes In A Fortune

Michael Noonan has been in Mexico to talk about the eurozone crisis at the G20 summit with other world leaders. Why Mexico? Well, why not? Obviously the minister has not heard of Skype, or email, or the telephone, letters, carrier pigeons, smoke signals! No wonder we’re in such financial trouble. The Minister is also attending the Eurogroup and the EcoFin (not to be confused with Eurovision) meetings in Luxembourg on our behalf. There is one way Mr Noonan could have saved some cash – on his flights – Ryanair must fly to Mexico by know, don’t they? Sorry I mean Ryanaerlingus.

 
 Michael O’Leary is once again trying to take over the airline, and the WORLD! Although it may not be as, plane sailing, as he would hope. Aer Lingus have deemed his offer of €649million euro as, undervaluing the company and the worth of the seventy percent of shares they do not own, but once you add on taxes and charges, admin fees and insurance, that figure could be closer to €700million, bargain!
 
      The “Angela Merkel Thinks We’re at Work” Tricolour as seen at the Euros and on the internet has been auctioned off for charity. The Tricolour was bought by Antrim-based Glendun Group and Iris RD, who submitted a joint bid totalling €15,800. All the money raised will go to Oscar Knox (3), a Belfast boy with neuroblastoma, a cancer that develops from nerve tissue.
 
      Oscar became popular online with his own flag that read, “My Ma Thinks I’ll Be in Bed Early” during the matches. If anyone watched last nights match between Germany and Greece they would have spotted Angela herself in business attire, cheering on her team. I thought she was at work . . .
 
      Spirit Radio, a Christian radio station based in Dublin and broadcasting across Cork, Limerick, Galway and Waterford has claimed an 11% share of the national radio listenership. The station, which is not part of the Joint National Listenership Research (JNLR) claims that two independent surveys have confirmed 11% of over 15 year olds listen to Spirit for fifteen minutes or more each week, in comparison 2FM only received JNLR results of 8%. When asked if he believed Spirit has a bigger listenership than RTE’s second station, chief executive Rob Clarke said it was “not possible to make a direct comparison” across results. You’ve just got to have faith.
 
      MAGNETS! Aaarrgghhhh! Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you I just saw a magnet. Parents are being warned of the increasing danger of MAGNETS! After two cases of children swallowing them in the UK within the last eighteen months. In both cases the children had to have surgery to remove the magnets, leading to health officials publishing a letter of warning in medical journal, The Lancet.
 
       In the letter Dr Anil Thomas George from Queen’s Medical Centre at Nottingham University Hospital, wrote, “Parents should be warned of the risk of magnet ingestion, particularly in small children. We believe that improvement in public awareness about this risk will be key in preventing such incidents”. The letter also warned of the increased availability of cheap magnetic toys, hinting the accidental ingestion of magnetic elements will become more common.
 

Hibs Irish contingent determined to reward fans with cup win

As Hibs prepare for arguably the biggest game in their history, the Irish contingent at Easter Road are determined to do everything in their power to bring the Scottish Cup back to Leith for the first time since 1902. Pat Fenlon insists that no team managed by him will ever be bullied, First team coach Liam O’Brien claims that the current players deserve their place in the final and striker Eoin Doyle believes that the happiest Irishman this week will be Ryanair owner Michael O’Leary given the number of seats booked by his friends and family.

Speaking from Tolka Rovers ground where the squad have been put through their paces, the former Bohs manager said; “We’ve got to get confidence into them and the belief that we can go and compete with anyone, I’ve said it before, if we play well on the day we can compete with any team. We can match most teams when we play well. It is just important that we believe that.

“We’ve got some really good players at the club. The boys that have come in on loan have given us a lift. We’ve got some good young players who are starting to come back into a bit of form. You can see the confidence coming back into them.

“We have confidence and we don’t fear anyone. As long as I am the manager, we won’t be bullied by anybody. I think that’s happened too many times with Hibs in Hearts games. We’ve just got to make sure we compete and give our best.”

“I’d like to win the cup but I think that’s for other people to enjoy themselves and celebrate on the day. If it happens, it will be a great moment for everyone associated with the club. But from my point of view, it is about trying to bring the club back to where it belongs. That would be a big stepping stone towards doing that.”

Fenlon’s views were echoed by First Team Coach Liam O’Brien who has hit back at suggestions that the players do not deserve to go down in history as legends, particularly given the number of on-loan signings in the team and the poor league form this season.

The former Manchester United, Newcastle United and Republic of Ireland star said: “There are plenty of players and managers, who have never got to a Cup final, never had the chance to win it, but these lads have an opportunity to make history and I hope that will happen.

“It hasn’t happened for all those great players down through the years but now history can be written and these players have earned the right to be there. You can only beat what is put in front of you and that’s what they have done in every round, so they deserve to be in the final.”

“Our main aim when we came in was to keep the club in the SPL and we managed to do that. We’ve had a fantastic run to get to the final which is a massive achievement. The way the season has gone for us no-one would have predicted that but now we could cap it off by turning what has been a really poor season into a fantastic one.”

O’Brien revealed that it didn’t take long to discover Hibs deplorable cup record after arriving at Easter Road.  He said: “We were asked to do a job and a week later you are told the last time Hibs won the Cup Jesus Christ was wearing short trousers. It’s been a long time, you hear it every week but now there’s a great chance for us. It’s a game of football, there’s 90 minutes to win it and that’s what we will be telling them. I think it’s gripped the imagination of everyone. It’s great for the city of Edinburgh but unfortunately one of us is going to be unhappy come Saturday night. Hopefully it won’t be Hibs.”

Meanwhile former Sligo Rovers hitman Eoin Doyle, who has played in the last three Irish Cup finals, winning the previous two on penalties, insists that it’s the result that counts, not the manner of the victory.

Doyle said: “Obviously the club itself has that connection to Ireland and formed before Celtic. As such there is a following for Hibs in any case. But a good few of the reporters who turned up had reported on us when we’d played in the League of Ireland and the fact we’re now looking to play in the Scottish Cup final has created a great deal of interest.”

Twenty-eight of Doyle’s friends and family have found tickets, booked flights and hotels and are hoping to celebrate a famous victory at Hampden. “I think all of us have quite a few coming over, probably enough to fill a couple of Ryanair flights. They’ve all got their tickets and flights booked and are looking forward to it.

“But I’m sure there would be a few empty seats going back on Sunday if we win; they’ll all want to stay for a party.”

“In a cup final anything can happen. I’ve won the cup in Ireland being both favourites and underdogs so it doesn’t matter when it comes to the day; it all goes out of the window.

“It’s you against them and to me it’s a case of whoever wants it more on the day and I’m sure that will be us. Cup finals are sometimes not the greatest of games to watch, it’s a matter of getting through it and hoping you can nick the goal.

“What we do know is it’s going to be a massive occasion, the first all-Edinburgh derby in how long and there’s obviously the history at this club of not having won it for 110 years. We also know we could forever be part of club folklore if we do win.

“I think everyone is dreaming of scoring the winner; even Mark Brown our goalie threw his name into the hat at one point. But who scores doesn’t matter so long as we do it.”

“The first year I played in the final we were beaten by Sporting Fingal. I’d scored but they got two in the last six minutes. The next one was the very first game in the new Aviva Stadium which was something special as was the match itself. It ended 0-0 against Shamrock Rovers but we won 2-0 on penalties with our goalkeeper Ciaran Kelly saving four of their spot-kicks. And last November we were drawing 1-1 with Shelbourne Rovers when Ciaran came on for the last couple of minutes and then went on to save two more penalties as we won 4-1 (in the shoot-out).

“Winning on penalties didn’t belittle either of those victories in any way. I don’t care how we win; it’s the name that’s engraved on the trophy, not the way it’s won.”

The 24 year old will probably start on the bench with on-form Leigh Griffiths and Garry O’Connor likely to start the game, but his performance and goal against Dunfermline has given Fenlon something to think about. Whether he features or not, Doyle has more than played his part in the historic cup run, with a goal in the 3-2 win at Cowdenbeath and the only goal of the game against Kilmarnock. As Fenlon’s first signing Doyle believes that things are definitely looking up at Easter Road since the January transfer window.

He said: “I think the team has developed massively, a lot of boys have come in and a few left but we have progressed over the last month or two. It’s all starting to come together and we’ll be going into the final with a bit of confidence.

“The gaffer had been talking of making sure we stayed in the SPL, getting to the cup final has been a bonus and to win it would be a great achievement.”

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