Posts Tagged ‘ money ’

News in Brief- Cork Ice Cream Men Brawl As President Visits UK

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Two ice cream men have themselves whipped up into a frenzy as both face charges for assault. Frederick Williams (31), of Gurranabraher, Cork and Alan O’Halloran (29), from Churchfield, Cork have begun a turf war over the best ice cream spots in the second city after things got a little out of hand. An altercation became violent and, it has been claimed, one of the men reached into the other’s van and ‘pulled his ice cream lever’. (Please insert your own appropriate ice cream pun).

Did you know?! RTE spends over €1,000 a day on hair and make-up and that’s not just on the upkeep of Brian Dobson’s coiffure! In figures revealed by The Sun, RTE haven’t been holding back when it comes to making sure their stars look radiant, glowing and like they’ve spent the last 20 minutes in a very hot oven. That’s not all though €18,682 went on food and drink for the Late Late green room in one year. That’s not just any backstage food, that’s M&S backstage food. Continue reading

News in Brief – Another Week , Another Scandal

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NIB is currently sitting by a cup of cold coffee and some stale cream crackers (the glamour of working from home), Enda Kenny meanwhile is standing by the boss of Irish Water. Presumably he hasn’t got much on and just fancied a stand.

Tayto Park, home of the spud, has been banned from adding any new animals to its zoo after inspectors found “overweight” racoons and evidence of “inappropriate breeding”. Ohh err. Officials from the National Parks and Wildlife Service were following up on a previous ban in 2012 when animals were found to be stressed out and living in poor conditions. It is a theme park based around crisps let’s remember. On their return visit the inspectors were still not satisfied and Tayto have now been ordered not to add to their menagerie for the forseeable. The racoons will have to lay off the cheese and onion, as for the inappropriate breeding . . . Continue reading

News in Brief – Water Scandal Breaks As Kemp Fears Dublin Death

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50, 85, 100, 180, not the winning Lotto numbers but the ever climbing bill for Irish Water. Imagine. We’ve been paying for our water through our tax contributions for years, so surely now paying a fee for it shouldn’t incur extra cost, if anything it should just be cash in the bank shouldn’t it? Wrong. Actually, water, the thing that falls freely from the sky a lot, is going to cost us a fortune in IT systems. And it was necessary for a lot of consultants to consult on this before consulting with the Government about how much more consultations and cash were needed. If only the Government had “consulted” NIB, we could have told them it would cost a lot and basically sounds like a crap plan, all for a pint and a packet of Tayto. NIB thinks it was Phil Hogan that said; ‘You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.’ An awful lot of expensive consultancy eggs. Continue reading

News In Brief-Kilkenny Man’s Hitler Cake Courts Controversy

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There are monkeys loose in Belfast. Actual monkeys, running about, acting the maggot. They escaped from Belfast Zoo and have since been blamed for trouble in the Holy Lands, excessive drinking, late night parties and defecating in the street. (For those that don’t know the Holy Lands are a notoriously student populated part of the city. You’ve probably seen the area on the news when the lads have set light to a car.) Still, if you can’t beat ’em join ’em is what Martin McGuinness and First Minister Peter Robinson are reported to have said in a joint statement.

VAT on hurleys is to remain the same at 23% despite ash dieback affecting the trees they’re made from. We’ll be forced to make sliotars from spuds and our sticks from ham sandwiches! It’s not really a joke though, despite the issue being brought to the attention of a certain Noo-Nar man it was rejected as VAT can only be reduced in very “limited cases”, like if you’re a multi-billion dollar technology company. The trees may be dying off but soon it’ll be the hurley makers business dying back. Continue reading

News In Brief – Reilly Plans Free GP Care As Hotel Cancels Beauty Pageant

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Remember last week when Bob Geldof was off to space? If only every week was like that the world would be a happier place*. Instead we’ve got protestors and pageants.

What’s the difference between a blobfish (last week’s winner of World’s Ugliest Animal) and the Minister for Health? One understands the intricacies of government spending and the healthcare needs of the country, the other doesn’t. NIB will let you come to your own conclusion which is which . . . James Reilly meanwhile has told Sean O’Rourke on RTE how he plans to bring in free GP care for all Irish citizens and more freebies for kids! Hurrah! But how Mr Reilly? We haven’t got any cash. Ah. Well, it might be slightly ’ambitious’ he told Sean, but sure feck it anyway, it’ll be a bit of craic. Continue reading

News in Brief-Shatter’s Racy Novel Returns While Irish Biscuit Gambler Isn’t a Jammie Dodger

A cardinal at the Vatican at the beginning of the week, claimed Enda Kenny wasn’t making sense, after the Taoiseach reportedly asked: ’How do you like your eggs in the morning? Raising eyebrows Enda went on to say: ’I’m a teapot and I’ve made some terrible mistakes in regards to our country’s future but I’m really, really sorry and that. It’s not you, it’s your beard.’ It’s unclear who he was referring to. Continue reading

Irish Economy Drained By Staggering Foreign Remittances

moneyFigures released by the World Bank have revealed that the majority of foreign residents based in Ireland are exporting billions back home, with Nigerians expatriating more money than their Polish counterparts despite more Poles living here.

2011 figures show $602 million (€468m) was sent from Ireland to Nigeria, an average of more than €26,000  for each of the 17,642 Nigerian nationals in Ireland, including children while further figures show Nigerian nationals send $653 million (€500m) back home each year. Continue reading