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Posts Tagged ‘ Pope ’

News In Brief: Garth-Gate Simmers On As Do The Spuds!

 

We love da shpuds! (image courtesy: arandartdesings.com)

We love da shpuds! (image courtesy: arandartdesings.com)

 

Summer’s over everyone, go back indoors. There’s plenty of rather stupid news to catch-up on anyway.

The PSNI were called after a Ryder Cup flag hung up in Rory McIlroy’s hometown was mistaken for a ‘terrorist’ flag. The poor fella flying the flag was forced to explain to the plod, the emblem on his flag was actually that of the European Union that he’d put up for a party not that of ‘an Islamic terrorist group’ as was reported to the police. According to the BBC, whom the homeowner told his story in the end everyone was laughing. HAHAHA Terrorism! HAHAHA Golf! Deadly craic. Continue reading

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News In Brief: Baby Horan’s A Hit While Gerry Adams Gets Trolled

putin

The Pope is becoming a regular feature in NIB these days, more so than that Bono fella. And this week is no exception you will all be glad to know. In a ceremony to mark the first anniversary of the Pope’s inauguration Archbishop of Dublin Diarmuid Martin told the congregation the Pope isn’t popular because of any polished public image, he’s not an attention seeking superstar and he most definitely isn’t interested in ‘Christians with sour faces’ eradicating the majority of the Irish Church. He’s just a bloke! Though with history’s greatest PR man behind him.

NIB thought we were on to a good story when we saw Vladimir had called on Garda Commissioner Callinan to withdraw his ‘disgusting’ remark about police whistle-blowers, until we realised it wasn’t the leader of Russia, Vladimir Putin, making the call but our own transport minister Leo Varadkar. Disappointment doesn’t cover it, imagine that, Callinan would have withdrawn his comments, apologised profusely and baked cake for everyone if it had been Putin. Continue reading

News in Brief – Vatican F-Bombs And Ash Wednesday Woes

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It’s all kicking off in the Football Association of Ireland after a 14-year-old boy was allegedly subjected to racial abuse during a school cup match. The African born player was taunted with “monkey chants” every time he touched the ball causing the referee to suspend the match. Classy. It’s possible the noises were misinterpreted though, have you seen the kind of people that follow football? For some of them this might actually as much grasp as they have on language.
Continue reading

Twitter Reveals Most Talked About Topics Of 2013

US-ENTERTAINMENT-PAUL WALKER

Andy Murray winning Wimbledon, Manchester United losing to Real Madrid and New Year’s celebrations were among the big Twitter moments throughout Ireland and the UK in 2013.

But it was the death of two showbiz stars, Cory Monteith and Paul Walker, that pulled in the most retweets globally. Continue reading

News in Brief – Corrupt Government To Silence The Internet As Leaving Cert Cheaters Face Anxious Wait

frted

Do you smell like sheep s***? Do people avoid you because of your stink? Are you a hardened farmer with his own willies and appropriate tan? If you can drive a bullet proof John Dere you could be in luck , Pope Francis may have the job for you! Apparently the Pope wants his bishops to be real shepherds, actual shepherds, with sheep. No not really, but he wants them to be leaders of their flock, part of the farm, a bishop in wolves clothing even. Or sheets clothing anyway. Continue reading

News in Brief-Dublin Ready For Porn Invasion As Missing Shatter Report Emerges

alan-shatter“Er, lads, we’ve lost it again”.

The Russian ’ghost ship’ floating about the coast has disappeared once again. It initially turned up off Ireland in February after breaking from the tow line taking it to the Dominican Republic. It was decided it would be too dangerous to attempt to board the ship and now it seems it’s gone again. How do you lose a ship like? Even St Anthony is perplexed. Wherever the ship is, it’s said to be infested with rats and carrying the missing police report into Alan Shatter’s drink driving incident. Continue reading

News in Brief-Pope Exploits Nuns As Saviour Bono Celebrates Birthday

Aer Lingus passengers have dropped. Passenger numbers, passenger numbers. Don’t panic. The airline apparently blames the timing of Easter this year, for the decrease in 2.5 pc. Bloody Jesus.

If only the low cost airline had been around in 2345 BC when Ireland suffered twenty years of rain. Twenty years. Everyone would have been desperate to get away. Apparently a volcanic eruption caused the flood – tying in nicely with the dates for Noah’s grand cruise – loading the atmosphere with dust and cooling the earth’s temperature. Apparently these freak weather events occur every thousand or so years, with the last in 540 AD, so we’re overdue another. Continue reading

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