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Posts Tagged ‘ prison ’

News In Brief: Benjy The Gay Bull’s Saved By Simpsons Creator

Irish post codes aren't allowed to be rude. What's the point? (image: Irishcentral.com)

Irish post codes aren’t allowed to be rude. What’s the point? (image: Irishcentral.com)

An Post have missed a trick with the new postcodes set to come in, apparently FECK won’t be eligible! Not even F1CK will be used. Apparently Eircode (imaginative name their lads) have been tasked with removing 90,000 possible offensive combinations for postcodes; including rude words or real names. In order to carry out this high-tech process the team bought online Scrabble and looked at all the three and four letter words. According to Liam Duggan of Capita Ireland who are behind it all, employees who performed the visual tests found some “unexpected things” like the fact two V’s next to each other look like a W. Jaysus who knevv?! Continue reading

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News In Brief: Varadkar Says Cups Are Ok As Dempsey Springs To The Rescue

Don't be a mug while your driving! (image: urbanoutfitters.com)

Don’t be a mug while your driving! (image: urbanoutfitters.com)

Musician Damien Dempsey has cemented his place in Wexford’s own Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of fame after rescuing two ailing swimmers in the River Slaney, before drying himself off and carrying on to his scheduled gig. What a man. He didn’t even mention it afterwards. According to reports he swam him, towed the swimmers back to safety, got out, picked up his shoes and walked off into the sunset. Honest to God. Dempsey for president!

Continue reading

News In Brief – No Make Up Selfie Mix Up Saves Polar Bears

dougalThere have been some great news stories this week. Too much in fact for NIB, it’s meant to be brief!

To kick us off a man in Cavan has been banned from painting roads for two years. Martin Hannigan, an ‘anti-pothole’ campaigner, has been threatened with a prison sentence if he continues to paint warning signs around potholes on his county’s roads. Ironically he has also been fined for damaging the public highway, the very highway he wants to save! He needs Bono. Continue reading

News In Brief- Knowing Me, Knowing Who?

fatherted

Rebekah Brooks (former News of the World) has said this week she didn’t know phone hacking was illegal and that she couldn’t have that fella’s croissant and his new Lamborghini without asking either. She may have known what the celebs were getting up to on their nights off but she didn’t know she wasn’t meant to know. Ah. God love her.

Similarly Peter Robinson, up north, didn’t know the PSNI had sent a letter to a Republican “on-the-run” to tell him he wasn’t wanted anymore. Peter immediately called for a judicial review and issued a threat to resign, a threat that sank faster than Jesus’ pint after forty days in the desert. Not that Peter’s threat actually meant anything to anyone, except perhaps his wife. Continue reading

Prisoner Returns To Jail To Avoid Arguing With His Wife

prison

The idea of your day’s routine being identical to your previous day’s routine would be an anathema to this correspondent (likes the odd change in schedule).

Your correspondent though came across an interesting individual recently who thought differently towards his day’s routine and was quite happy for it to be the same as the previous day’s one.

It relates to a thirty-two year old Tunisian, Walid Chaabani, from Livorno in Italy who your correspondent read about in the Times newspaper. Continue reading

News in Brief – Ireland Falls To A New Kind Of Criminal

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Enda’s been away on a mission before the taste of Turkey has barely left our lips. Good old Enda, what would we do without him? Well, actually while he’s been away the Limerick City of Culture Committee has crumbled further. CEO Patricia Ryan has now resigned from her 18 month, €120,000 salary job. NIB said didn’t we?! We said last week it was going to get silly and it has.

Not only has Ryan been resigned to giving up the job (and its accompanying cash) now there are allegations of phone hacking as someone let slip of her departure on a blog an hour before she made an official statement. It’s hardly whistleblowing on an Edward Snowden scale. Talking to RTE Radio 1 an artist involved described the whole thing as ‘like a big game’ before painstakingly going through each play; ‘the players have come out on the pitch . . . there’s been an upset . . . the whistle goes’ yeah we get the idea. It’s a game, Monopoly, the Limerick version. Continue reading

News In Brief – Geldof Space Bound As World’s Ugliest Animal Revealed

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Another week, another wasted opportunity to write seriously about current affairs in this country. Oh well, here’s the news in brief.

A drugs gang have been busted for failing to grow any actually drugs. 150 marijuana plants were found by Gardai in rural Donegal before they discovered the plants were all male, meaning they don’t contain the ’high’ chemical. They’re effectively spinach. Gardai have been forced to downgrade the find from €120,000 worth of drugs to €0 of nothing. The potential weed farmers are likely to be spared jail for doing little more than arable farming. Continue reading

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