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Posts Tagged ‘ ronan keating ’

News in Brief – Nuns Robbed While Keating Lands Postman Pat Gig

keating

In the week that’s seen ’Danny Boy’ reach 100 and Cork 10,000, well, not much else has been going on.

There has been some “interesting” research into office party politics answering one of life’s greatest questions, when is the optimum time to take pictures at the office Christmas party? Well that would be 10.02 (with the average party beginning at 7pm, so 182 minutes in, fact) though they can be a bone of contention for some. Women complained the party picture didn’t show them at their best, with twenty percent citing their make-up coming off had crushed their hopes of looking like *insert name of celebrity* in *insert name of film*. One in one hundred men complained of the same dilemma and similarly one in one hundred claimed seeing snaps of the office do caused them to look for a new job, the same one in one hundred perhaps? Continue reading

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News in Brief-Sex On The Beach In Donegal As Fallen Popstar Keating Charges €368 For Meet And Greet

showbiz_ronan_keatingAs if the health service didn’t have it tough enough now University Hospital Galway has fleas! A number of staff have been bitten by the infiltrating pests which hospital management assured had not affected patients. However fleas will be the least of the HSE’s problems with a new report highlighting the rise in life expectancy of the population. We may be living longer but we are apparently spending more of our lives sick or injured. Or soon, at work.

Minister of State for Older People Kathleen Lynch has suggested the Government will raise the age of retirement as part of their “positive ageing” strategy. News in Brief isn’t sure it’s to positive, fancy working at Maccy D’s into your seventies?

The pope is one pensioner still going. This week he has even started tweeting. Yes, Pope Benedict XIV is on Twitter, really. Providing us with 140 character insights into his day in Vatican City and so far gaining a million followers. Sure wouldn’t the good lord himself have recognised the growing importance of social media for brand image. If you fancy a follow he’s @Pontifex .

Bundoran in Donegal has always been popular with tourists because of its stretch of beautiful beaches. It seems however there are a new type of visitor to the coast line, an Easter European gang selling the services of prostitutes. Guards were alerted after a number of men were given calling cards by women offering a range of services. Gives a whole new meaning to sex on the beach.

Crap news in Galway where City Council officials had their fleet of eight bin trucks repossessed. The trucks were on loan from Holden Plant Hire in Kilkenny but their lease expired last September. Despite repeated warnings from Holden the vehicles were not returned. Fine Gael councillor Padraig Connelly described the incident as “incompetence on top of incompetence”, News in Brief calls it rubbish.

In celeb news it’s Ronan’s all round. Ronan O’Gara was a named as one of a plethora of high-profile people who conveniently had driving penalty points “disappeared” by the gardai. It’s alright though Justice Minister Alan Shatter said, he was one of less than 300 similar incidents.

The other Ronan, Keating that is, is charging fans €368 to meet him after some of his concerts. Obviously recession means nothing to Ronan despite his last album Fires not sparking much interest selling only 181 copies in the first few days though. He’s one up with a plan to post ticket sales though, he will be accompanied on tour by everyone’s favourite Westlife botherer Brian McFadden! That would be €368 well spent, on anything else.

We’ve struck gold down here in Wexford! A Dublin based mineral exploration firm has found a stash that could be worth millions. The location however has not been disclosed. You’ll understand if you don’t hear from News in Brief for a while I’m just going outside . . .

News in Brief-Enda Raids Jelly Bean Factory While Ronan Hits A New Low

And so it seems the residents of Clacton-on-Sea in Essex were right to be mortally afraid of a house cat. New reports have shown one thousand people a day in the UK, 350,000 a year, contract a parasitic disease carried by your average moggy. Although in healthy humans the parasite shouldn’t cause too many problems it can bring on the flu and in pregnant women or immunosuppressive patient’s it can be more serious, even being attributed to triggering schizophrenia and obsessive compulsive disorder. However, you only get it from ingesting cat feces so unless you have an interesting taste in after dinner treats I wouldn’t kick the cat out just yet.

Enda has praised Minister for Health James Reilly for reversing health cuts despite the Dáil preparing to put through a vote of no confidence. On admitting his mistake Kenny said of Reilly, “The Minister had the courage to do that and do it quickly”. This makes me wonder what we couldn’t all reverse and get away with as long as we’re quick about it.
Perhaps we could also reverse the Jelly Bean Factory’s decision to create chocolate covered beans.  It just seems wrong. It has though created twenty-five new jobs at the factory in Blanchardstown. The company has been an Irish success story and expects 50% growth over the next two years with the Belgian chocolate covered beans ready for Christmas. Enda Kenny, cropped up there too, to launch the factory’s extension and no doubt fill his pockets with free beans. What a Willy Wonka.
The Irish Fishermen’s Organisation have a bone to pick with the Department of Justice after having to ask to ensure skeletal remains found in the sea off the south coast of the country are sent for DNA identification. If found in a politician’s closet, some may understand the desire to keep things hushed up but the ‘budgetary constraints’ that have so far prevented the testing of the remains make for a pretty poor excuse. The skull and two femur bones were found along the Waterford and Wexford coast lines and could be any one of the nine fishermen that have been lost at sea in recent years.
Ronan Keating may wish he were at sea this week or on a desert island with just the one disc, his own. That would bring the total sales of his new album to 182.
Brian McFadden on the other hand is catapulting himself back into the public eye. The former Westlife singer, more famously formerly married to Kerry Katona is to release a new song he hopes to a be a hit. The track will feature as part of new RTE show The Hit in which he will compete with Royseven frontman Paul Walsh for the biggest charting song.
If the mundanity of modern celebrity culture disturbs you don’t fear. The old ways aren’t dead yet. A seventeen year old boy who used a can of pepper spray in the mugging of a Brazilian man has been asked to write a letter of apology to his victim. Hurrah for pen and paper! Who said snail mail was dead? The humble tradition of written letters lives on.
The man, in his twenties, was attacked with the spray before having his wallet taken. He has since moved from the area of the assault in Dublin as he no longer feels safe. Ah. Anyone got a forwarding address? Maybe they’re friends on Facebook? Or he could just tweet him instead.

News in Brief-Unsafe Water,Ronan Seeks To Cash In On Marriage Blues And Ireland Prepares To Welcome Katie Home

Water way to start the week in Dublin. Thousands of people in the North of the city were notified that their water was unsafe for drinking on Tuesday after a routine test on Sunday showed the supply to be contaminated with bacteria. Water tankers were brought in to provide residents of the St Lawrence supply zone and the council hopes to have the problem resolved by the end of the week.

         Katie Taylor will be bringing a big lump of metal back into the country following her win in ladies light-weight boxing at London 2012. The Wicklow woman will return to a big party, the planning of which is already underway, let’s hope she’s not a light-weight out of the ring.
          The Labour Party’s Intercultural Group has called for those employed in public roles to attend “sensitivity training”. This would include judges and councillors that have to deal with the public on a frequent basis. The call comes after Judge Mary Devins branded state welfare a ‘Polish charity’. Firm plans for what this training would involve have not been outlined, although Karen McCormack, co-chairperson of the group highlighted the importance of language, the fecker. To save the time and money this would obviously involve let us all remember the well-worn phrase of our mothers; if you’ve nothing nice to say, don’t say anything.
          Terence Ming Flanagan could do with heeding this advice. The controversial TD has been criticised this week for a ’viscious, unprovoked, verbal attack’ on Ceann Comhairle Sean Barrett in the corridors of Leinster House. On being asked to publicly apologise, Ming took to his Facebook page to further insult Mr Barrett suggesting he enjoys ’guzzling pints’ – handbags at Dail!
         Ronan Keating has claimed that leaving his wife of fourteen years Yvonne has given him back his music muse. Blaming his unhappy marriage on being unable to write a hit, Keating is now looking forward to turning his marriage crash into hard cash. It’s a bit unfair to blame the ex-missus he couldn’t write many hits before he married her either.
And finally Ryan Tubridy has got himself a Vespa. Downgrading from his regular Jaguar Saloon the RTE figurehead’s pay has also been downgraded by thirty percent. But he won’t let that get him down, or get in his way scooting about the city telling the tabloids ‘he’s totally OK with it’. That would be because of all the mountains of cash he’s already earnt and is still earning even after a thirty percent cut. Would he be so blasé on benefits?

News in Brief

It’s been a bad time for couples this week, first with Ronan and Yvonne Keating confirming their separation then the news that Louis Walsh and Cheryl Cole have also split – although with less call for lawyers and divorce settlements.
Louis has ended his friendship with Simon Cowell’s old favourite after she reportedly told Marie Claire, Girls Aloud were “never managed” after their creation on Popstars. Louis has hit back full force saying, “If i was in London I’d give her a piece of my mind”. Claims regarding Cheryl’s reply are in question as no one is able to understand what she said.
Meanwhile, Ronan and Yvonne have taken to twitter to separately confirm the end of their marriage late last year, having decided to keep the split private to protect their family. Will anothe celeb split get nasty or are both now in “Friend-zone”?

Titanic has been launched, not the boat again, but centenary celebrations that have cost Belfast council £77million (€92.4million). With £66million coming from the public purse, the Titanic celebrations have also launched fresh concerns about how many tourists the new centre will have to intice (at £13 a ticket) to break even. The fancy tv logo must have cost a bit with all it’s sharp pointy blue lines but where has the rest of the money gone?
‘The World’s Largest Titanic Visitor Experience` offers the chance to explore the shipyard in which the boat was built, the rooms on board and the story of the maiden voyage, worth every penny of your thirteen pounds. `Going beyond the aftermath` of the fated voyage sounds a bit murky, but thanks to oceanographer Dr Robert Ballard’s high definition footage of the ships final resting place it’s not!
Those with pop-culture aversion may scowl at the refusal of some to let it go – what with James Cameron’s 1997 film being re-released in 3D – but we’re in for a year of Titanic so you may as well strap on the life jacket. I for one am jumping aboard, not literally, I don’t want to drown and tickets are sold out till April Sixteenth.

What’s longer than an olympic swimming pool and less watery? Well, a lot of things really, but particularly the journey Olympic gymnast hopeful Kieran Behan had to take get to China. Mr Behan had been invited to take part in a prestigious gymnastic event but due to mistakes regarding his visa, was forced to re-board his eighteen hour flight from Heathrow to Beijing. Back in England it was only after discussion with the Chinese embassy that Mr Behan was once again onboard and bound for the Chinese capital. Gymnastics Ireland have taken full blame for the blunder which has cost Keiran five days of important training.
Mr Behan, who has overcome sever disability and injury to get to his position in the gymnastic world was understandably frustrated, a member of his team commented, `It was the world’s biggest cock up.`

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