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Posts Tagged ‘ Ryan Tubridy ’

News In Brief: Healy-Rae’s Cross And Gerry’s Not Happy Either

Mmmm Michael-Healy-Rae (image: irishecho.com.au)

Mmmm Michael-Healy-Rae (image: irishecho.com.au)

This, was the week Gerry Adams used the word “bastards” and everyone went mental but he wasn’t the only one letting his mouth work before his brain had had a chance to turn on.

Gregory Campbell a DUP politician and “b**tard” really went to town when he decided to lay into the Irish Language, poor defenceless little thing that it is. “Curry my yoghurt can coca coalyer” he told the Northern Assembly, taking the piss out of the Irish phrase: “Go raibh maith agat, Ceann Comhairle” meaning “Thank you, Chairperson”. He couldn’t see the big deal though and also said any proposed Irish Language Act would be treated, by himself, as toilet paper. Charming. Anyone that didn’t get the joke he said, needed a humour bypass. NIB doesn’t know, maybe he thought he was saying something else entirely, like; A man walked into a bar …. Or maybe he was just pissed, you’d need a drink to face the Northern Assembly. Continue reading

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News in Brief – Shatter Resigns As Kenny Morphs Into Putin

shatter

Before we kick off can you all take a minute to imagine the theme to The Apprentice . . . got it? OK now we can start.

Alan Shatter has left the building. While the Indo asked ‘who trapped the rat in Leinster House?’ The answer became obvious, it was Enda and he was clutching him by his whiskery tail.

So Shatter has resigned and the future of the justice system is restored, well not exactly, but it’s bound to be a bit better right? RIGHT?! Former social worker Frances Fitzgerald has stepped up to the plate so hopefully she has a better idea of right and wrong. That’s beside the point though what NIB would like to draw everyone’s attention to is that Kenny has taken over Defence. Put a crown on him and call him Putin. Surely putting our dear leader in charge of the country’s defence policy is like appointing him leader of all things. Maybe NIB is exaggerating but you just wait, when the words ‘5-year-plans’ slip out you’ll know we warned you! Continue reading

News in Brief: MP Suggests Ireland Join British Commonwealth

 

michaelfabricant

Tory MP With A Great Thatch

The Cabinet is being rifled with again, like a bowl of crap crisps at a party. Apparently the Taoiseach has said it will be in September after the European elections and could see Ruairi Quinn sent to the back of the class in the Department of Education. A senior source though has said no one really knows what’s going on. Sure if they don’t know who’s in charge of what, how will we know who to complain about?

A fella in Dublin is complaining, about his complete lack of golfing ability. In fact he is selling his clubs after coming to the realisation ‘I’m a danger to both myself and everyone else on the golf course’. Aww. The vendor, Ciaran, has declared himself the worst golfer in the world and is also selling some other golfing kit on Done Deal, ‘Also included is a Sureshot GPS unit for measuring distance to front/middle/ back of green on each hole. Please note this is only of use if you have any balls left to hit.’ Continue reading

IFTA Reveals Shortlist Of Nominees

ifta

The Irish Film and Television Academy have announced the shortlist of nominees in 40 strongly contested categories for the 11th annual Irish Film and Television Awards, which takes place on Saturday 5th April at the DoubleTree at Hilton Burlington Road and broadcast primetime on RTÉ ONE (reaching 1.24 Million viewers last year).

Nominations are announced in categories across film and television, celebrating the highest standard of Irish talent over the past twelve months. All IFTA’s categories have been shortlisted by Members of the Irish Film & Television Academy alongside a select Jury panel of industry experts from around the world.  IFTA received 311 titles submitted for consideration in the 2013 Awards. Continue reading

A Tale of Two Paul Galvin’s

galvin

One of the finest Gaelic footballers of the past ten years has called time on his life in a Kerry jersey. Paul Galvin, was a magnificent player who won every honour the game had to offer.

There were two Galvin’s throughout his glittering career; the hardworking, intelligent footballer who along with Brian Dooher and Paul Flynn epitomised the new all action modern day wing forward. And there was the Paul Galvin who swiped a notebook out of a referee’s hand in a fit of rage, who stuck his fingers in Eoin Cadogan’s mouth and who was sent off far too often for any Kerry person’s liking. Continue reading

News in Brief-Cruise Is A ‘Nob As Enda Assembles Egg Deterrent Army

Tom Cruise is a Nobber! It’s true, it’s true, he apparently has ancestral links back to the town in County Meath (whose name isn’t funny at all). Not only that but it seems Cruise could be a distant relation (with a capital DISTANT) to our dear Ryan Tubridy, now Tubs has had his wages cut perhaps Tom could lend him a few euro.

Misquoting, is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake’ Stephen Dedalus said in the wake of the production of the celebratory silver James Joyce coins. Featuring a line from Joyce’s great work Ulysses the €10 coins (which cost €43) released by the Central Bank have had to be withdrawn and an embarrassed apology offered after an extra word was added. Honestly, next they’ll be putting in punctuation. Perhaps the sculptor who designed the coins was demonstrating her own stream of consciousness? Continue reading

News in Brief-Ireland Fussy About Threesomes As Drugs Find Is A Real Kinder Surprise

There were three in the bed and the little one said, ’I don’t think James Reilly will like this’. Yes the threesome furore that has only been pushed from the papers since we found out Tubridy earns more than most people make in a lifetime. But there is actually a very innocent explanation behind the SpunOut.ie website. What with all this cold weather we’re having it makes sense to all bundle into bed together for warmth. Minister Reilly’s just got a dirty mind. Continue reading

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