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Posts Tagged ‘ Ryanair ’

News In Brief: Point Renamed Again As Crow Reigns Terror On Louth

Caw Caw! (image: imperialmocha.deviantart.com)

Caw Caw! (image: imperialmocha.deviantart.com)

Another week, another cacophony of news -“Caw-caw” being the operative sound. Remember those sinister seagulls a few weeks ago? Ruining the height of summer with their antisocial behaviour? It’s not over yet, the birds are back.

There’s a crazy crow on the loose in Louth. Apparently, unlike the gulls this crow is a lone operator picking on dogs and the vulnerable as well as annoying everyone by pecking at kitchen windows. Perhaps we should give the fowl a minute, he might be trying to tell us something! Continue reading

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News in Brief – Bins, Ming and the Taoiseach’s Things

Ming Campainging for BOI to Keep our Fur!

Ming campaigning for BOI to Keep our Fur!

A 90-year-old woman is being pursued by debt collectors for a €14 bin fine. That’s right, while the world crumbles and Ming Flanagan seems our most viable option for Europe, Dublin City Council want their €14 back! The woman, who has not been named, lives alone in inner-city Dublin and became the subject of the debt collectors interest over an unpaid bill dating back to the privatisation of Dublin’s waste collection services. Four letters were sent threatening aggressive legal action and publication in Stubbs Gazette. Well done lads, what a lovely bunch you are, can NIB point you in the direction of a Mr Shatter who owes us €70k?

A painting by Michael Flatley tops the list of the Taoiseach’s most expensive gifts. The painting title ‘The Irish Potato Famine’ was created by Flatley daubing his feet in paint and dancing on a canvas (and you can tell) and has been valued at €5000. Other gifts include a golden replica of the Mecca Royal Hotel Clock Tower (Enda’s a bingo fan), a bust of JFK, a bottle of booze from the Queen and a boat. So that’s nice isn’t it? Good old Enda. NIB got three pairs of tights last Christmas . . . Continue reading

News in Brief- Irish Emigrants Blamed For STD Influx In NZ

irishAlan Shatter is in trouble this week for apparently offending ‘old’ prostitutes. Honestly, the man has experienced anti-semitic hatred and cruel personal jibes recently and then he goes and calls prostitutes working in Ireland ‘old’. Actually, the story is not quite as clear-cut as tabloid headlines would have us believe, SHOCK and AWE. He wasn’t calling all prostitutes old, just some.

Our international reputation isn’t doing so well either after an article in the New York Times has caused uproar, depicting life in post-Tiger Ireland. According to the piece produced by Liz Alderman, there’s a man in Shankill in Dublin who shoots and BBQ’s pigeons to survive. The story has met widespread disapproval from locals and councillors of Shankill alike; Fine Gael TD Mary Mitchell O’Connor said she rejects the description of the town and the main subject of the article, who used to own boats and a five-bedroom house and now resorts to pigeon shooting on the street to survive. NIB isn’t sure, perhaps Shankill is the social equivalent of Mordor, I mean American’s don’t normally exaggerate do they? Continue reading

News in Brief – Nuns Robbed While Keating Lands Postman Pat Gig

keating

In the week that’s seen ’Danny Boy’ reach 100 and Cork 10,000, well, not much else has been going on.

There has been some “interesting” research into office party politics answering one of life’s greatest questions, when is the optimum time to take pictures at the office Christmas party? Well that would be 10.02 (with the average party beginning at 7pm, so 182 minutes in, fact) though they can be a bone of contention for some. Women complained the party picture didn’t show them at their best, with twenty percent citing their make-up coming off had crushed their hopes of looking like *insert name of celebrity* in *insert name of film*. One in one hundred men complained of the same dilemma and similarly one in one hundred claimed seeing snaps of the office do caused them to look for a new job, the same one in one hundred perhaps? Continue reading

Ryanair Announcement To Help Sustain Tourism Jobs

ryanair

The Clare Tourism Forum, the group responsible for tourism marketing and the promotion of County Clare, has welcomed today’s Ryanair announcement at Shannon Airport saying that it will help to sustain thousands of jobs in the local tourism and hospitality sector.

Forum Chairperson Donnagh Gregson said: “The provision of direct services to French and German destinations in particular is a significant moment not only for Shannon Airport but tourism in this region as it will enable operators here to capitalise on the recent growth we have seen in the number of continental tourists visiting the County. Furthermore, this announcement will help to sustain existing jobs and create new opportunities for development amongst tourism operators in the wider region.” Continue reading

News in Brief-Irish Vegan Joins Elite As Ryanair Draw Ire Of McFadden

The proposed headquarters for Anglo Irish Bank, sold to the Central Bank in 2012, standing in Dublin’s North Quay has been vandalised. Despite having CCTV and security arrangements in place the shell of a building was daubed with anti-semitic slurs. The aptly named, At Risk Security monitor the land directly behind the site. There now considering a name change to We’ve Got a Great Big Dog So Feck Off Security.

Leinster House have been learning the rules of soccer after a visit from Irish team manager Giovanni Trapattoni to the Oireachtas Republic of Ireland Supporters’ Club. The newly formed club currently boasts 63 TD’s and senators who were all keen to learn from the Italian manager. Club secretary Senator John Gilroy said: “We had a chat about where the game is,” – usually on a pitch – “and what we can do as Oireachtas members to encourage the game.” Over-priced kits and generic memorabilia are traditional. Ah no, good luck to the lads in ROISC sure what else have they got to do? Continue reading

News in Brief: Ryanair Boss Lashes Out As Prince Willy Gets Set To Be A Daddy

Pregnant: Willie Wasted No Time

Pregnant: Willie Wasted No Time

An Garda Síochána to the rescue! The guards saved the day in a movie like sting this week just as a poor pensioner was about to be duped out of €5000 in a tarmacadam scam. In a crack down on fraudsters, uniform and armed officers (all with pants over tights of course and, News in Brief likes to imagine, accompanied by the Batman and Robin theme tune) were out in Waterford where they prevented the frail gentleman from parting with his cash in the nick of time. The suspects scarpered.

A former Fianna Fail councillor and chairman at IT Tralee has been defamed by no less than 26 professors who claim he plagiarised chunks of his thesis. This thesis makes up part of a degree paid for from his allowance from Clare County Council.

In some cases, the angered lectures allege, large pieces of the work by Flan Garvey are identical to previously published sources, including a whopping fourteen page segment that first appeared in a text from 1965. Mr Garvey certainly doesn’t get any honours.

Michael O’Leary has rained on the Gathering parade with a bizarre air of superiority (forgetting it’s himself that’ll be shipping tourists in to the economy boosting scheme).

Nothing if not controversial, the Ryanair boss has labelled the event scheduled for 2013 ‘The Grabbing’ criticising the increased taxes at Dublin Airport which will hit him directly. James O’Reilly, chairman of the World Mini Games that are coming to Cork next year (watch out Rio!) told O’Leary to ’cut out the negative bullshit’ a sentiment News in Brief shares but hopes Michael doesn’t take to mean toilets, seat cushions and pilots from all future flights.

Raindrops keep falling on my tent. It is the biggest tourist hub in the country and it’s also the wettest. Now Killarney is set to be covered in a giant heavy-duty, tent-like canopy so shoppers and tourists alike can keep dry while out and about. Local engineer Paudie O’Mahoney has devised the plan to cover the streets and encourage more “outdoor activities”, indoors. In a worrying prophecy Mr O’Mahoney said, ’I can see it taking off all over the country’. News in Brief isn’t keen on camping . . .

The biggest news story this week is of course the budget. If you were hoping for a Christmas miracle, forget it.
Millionaires will be targeted as will those at the other end of the spectrum earning under €18,000. Politicians will face stricter rules on expenses. Cigarettes, alcohol and fuel are all going up in price. Child benefit will be cut by €10 and medical card holders will see a rise in the prices they pay by 100%. Car tax is going up, dole will be cut, oh and elderly people will be given the chance to pay the property tax on their home from beyond the grave. And good will to all men.

“Last week she got a fringe, this week she’s growing her heir”. Kate Middleton, the future Queen, announced she is preggers. Some tabloids saw it coming when she got a new do – most women traditionally opt for a loose-fitting top, she went for a fringe. Anyway the poor old Princess was hospitalised with severe morning sickness. She was discharged last night although once she sees the papers she might need another visit.
While the Daily Mail speculated on what this meant for the context of those topless photos, on Twitter everyone was getting excited about the prospect of a Half Blood Prince. @RoyalFetus was born almost instantly with such insights as ‘burp’ and ‘I may not have bones yet but I’m already more important than everyone reading this’. Funny and true.

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