Posts Tagged ‘ sheep ’

News In Brief – No Make Up Selfie Mix Up Saves Polar Bears

dougalThere have been some great news stories this week. Too much in fact for NIB, it’s meant to be brief!

To kick us off a man in Cavan has been banned from painting roads for two years. Martin Hannigan, an ‘anti-pothole’ campaigner, has been threatened with a prison sentence if he continues to paint warning signs around potholes on his county’s roads. Ironically he has also been fined for damaging the public highway, the very highway he wants to save! He needs Bono. Continue reading

News in Brief – Corrupt Government To Silence The Internet As Leaving Cert Cheaters Face Anxious Wait

frted

Do you smell like sheep s***? Do people avoid you because of your stink? Are you a hardened farmer with his own willies and appropriate tan? If you can drive a bullet proof John Dere you could be in luck , Pope Francis may have the job for you! Apparently the Pope wants his bishops to be real shepherds, actual shepherds, with sheep. No not really, but he wants them to be leaders of their flock, part of the farm, a bishop in wolves clothing even. Or sheets clothing anyway. Continue reading

News in Brief-Reforms Galore As Junior Cert Set For Chop And Grease Duo Pen Christmas Hit

Christmas No.1: All That They Want

In Kilmore Quay, Wexford there was such a thing as a free lunch yesterday as local skipper Jimmy Byrne of the Saltees Quest, owned by Séamus O’Flaherty, staged at protest at EU fishing regulations. The boat, against regulations came in carrying over its EU quota which states all surplus must be thrown back in to the sea. The crew then boxed up the fish and gave it free to the public. Mr Byrne said; “I have a certain quota of fish to catch and the monkfish end up getting caught. There’s more monkfish in Ireland than ever before. I can’t tell the monkfish not to go into the net.” The best fish in life are free.
Also in Wexford, in Enniscorthy, dogs have been attacking sheep. One farmer who has lost four of his flock described the rest of his sheep as being “deeply traumatised”.

There has been a crack-down on illegal drugs for sale in the North as part of operation Pangea V – sounds more like a shampoo. The curtailing of sale of these drugs including 55,000 benzodiazepine sedatives plus erectile dysfunction tablets is nothing to get excited about as they are potentially life-threatening.

Junior Cert reforms are under way with second level students of 2014 now to be examined under the new system. Learning to learn rather than learning to remember has caused controversy amongst students and teachers. Both the Teachers’ Union of Ireland (TUI) and the Association of Secondary Teachers of Ireland (ASTI) have criticised the plans and questioned how much more work this will create for teachers but it will be 2020 till we really see the results.

Enda Kenny assured there will be no cuts to child allowance. Instead, in a display of great insight, children will be cut – in half! All parents are urged to reduce the cost of their kids by reducing their size and consider cutting of arms or legs, less child requires less food and clothing.

Kids are too fat anyway according to a new statement by Safefood’s director of human health and nutrition, Dr Cliodhna Foley Nolan. Nolan has suggested weight and waste measurements are taken as regularly as eye tests to cut down on the number of overweight kids and obesity related health problems. Sen Crown, a doctor specialising in cancer medicine, blamed obesity as a risk factor for a number of cancers, adding that “surprisingly” you’ll do better in treatment if you’re not obese. Who knew?!

In celeb news the reunion we’ve all been waiting for is finally on the cards. Of course I mean Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta. It may only be October but it’s the Christmas number one they want as the pair have confirmed they will be releasing a festive single this year.

News in Brief-Quinn’s Getaway Foiled By Price Hikes As Molly Malone May Be Set To Emigrate

Even Molly Malone has had enough of the rain and the recession , the iconic statue at College Green could soon be off to Oz. Failte Ireland, the tourism board and Emirates Airlines have been in discussion about moving Molly, as part of Melbourne Cup celebrations, to the city for two weeks in November where she will join Ireland’s young work force. When even a bronze statue is emigrating it’s time to wonder if Ireland really is up a certain creek without a paddle. Wait for me Molly!
A flock of sheep have been stolen in Country Antrim. The livestock from the Knowhead Row area of Broughshane have distinctive blue heads (sprayed not genetically engineered) but are not tagged. Police are working hard to apprehend the thieves. Well that won’t be hard. They’ll be the ones stuck behind a flock of blue headed sheep.
With the Olympics starting in London tonight security across the country is at its highest. Except in Manchester where the security measures of the city airport were foiled by an eleven year old who attached himself to an unwitting family to bypass security checks. One commentator said; ‘If an eleven year old can get past security, so could a thirty-one year old’. I can imagine it now, six foot tall, bearded and affecting a squeaky voice, I’d say even Manchester’s clearly lax security might spot that one.
No doubt Peter Quinn would have found this story very interesting as he is also trying to run away – technically has run away. Having been sentenced to three months in prison for his involvement in the Quinn saga, and losing his licence due to drink driving earlier in the year, it hasn’t been going too well for Peter. According to sources he was showing signs of the strain before he made his departure, the poor lamb. He’s not the only one, his legal representatives have now asked to be removed from representing him in the future. Ouch!
         Of course if he could stump up a bit of cash, he could get a Bus Éireann ticket, but he’d want to be quick, prices are going up and I hear he’s not as flushed as he used to be. Commuters will apparently face a six percent rise in fares from January 2013 across the CIE transport links; Iaranród Éireann, Dublin Bus and Bus Éireann. To many of the unemployed population though commuting is but a distant dream.