Advertisements

Posts Tagged ‘ Social Welfare ’

News In Brief: Keith Barry Predicts Mary-Lou May Join The Jam Tarters

The only surviving picture from earlier this year when Mary-Lou and Gerry got stuck on a fence (Image:belfasttelegraph.co.uk)

The only surviving picture from earlier this year when Mary-Lou and Gerry got stuck on a fence (Image:belfasttelegraph.co.uk)

 

NIB opens this week by wondering if Mary-Lou is still in the Dáil? What craic! Staging a sit in (if you didn’t see it, where were you?) so everyone else could have a long weekend, good girl Mary Lou! It’s not the first time she’s got stuck somewhere though, on a press outing with her Dear Leader Gerry she previously got stuck on a fence. Then there was the “swing incident”, the Henry Street Penneys Protest and the reports this time last year she’d positioned herself on a seat in an industrial estate in Swords, although strangely Sinn Fein deny that one. Most recent reports in the popular press have hinted Martin O’Neill is eyeing Mary-Lou for Ireland’s upcoming match, that’s if she’ll leave Leinster House. Continue reading

Advertisements

News In Brief: Joan’s Phone-Gate Ruins World Egg Day

Joan Burton demonstrates her own new phone (image: Independent.ie)

Joan Burton demonstrates her own new phone (image: Independent.ie)

It’s that time of the week again, NIB knows you all sit prostrate and silent waiting for your weekly News in Brief, well here it is.

It seems a week cannot pass without Joan Burton saying something stupid. This time it was water meter protestors who she said: “Seem to have extremely expensive phones, tablets, video cameras. There has been the most extensive filming in relation to any of these actions that I have ever seen anywhere. Hollywood would be in the ha’penny place compared to what’s done here.” Holy mother of God! How could they? They’re obviously all social-welfare scrounging, JobBridge dropouts aren’t they Joan?! People on the dole shouldn’t be allowed food let alone phones, the shtate this country’s in, if only we didn’t have to fund Joan’s massive salary, free top-of-the-range devices, car and fecking dry cleaning.

Meanwhile in the Dail they were discussing removing the morning’s opening prayer (do you ever think how mad it is that our politicians sit around and talk about shite for hours, just for the craic?) Of course it’s all just a cover for playground-politics and evading the real issues, but Clare Daly thinks saying a prayer in the morning is “offensive”. It is part of a wider battle to get a law from 1855 prosecuting blasphemy removed from the constitution. But Clare, if no-ones given a shite since 1855 why should we bother now? They’ll only have to reprint the whole constitution (probably on pretty pink paper with a laminated cover) before they decided there’s a law banning cutting your toe nails they want to scrap. Continue reading

News In Brief: Leaving Cert, Dirt And Horse Hurt

Just a man, in his pants, rolling turf (Image: gardenplansireland.com)

Just a man, in his pants, rolling turf (Image: gardenplansireland.com)

A Donegal GAA team stopped their bus on the way home from a match this week, not because the lads needed to make use of nature’s services, but to help a man turn his turf in Galway. Despite having lost their match against a Donegal team, the junior semi-finalists were feeling charitable, with 30 of them as well as management and helpers hopping off the bus to lend a hand. Ahh lads as if you weren’t already the golden glow in Irish mammies hearts.

They may have offered the RTE lads a lift though! Turns out RTE staff have been told to ‘get the bus’ in an effort to slash the broadcaster’s spending. Apparently the news room is pretty peed off about it, as they’ll no longer be able to book taxis to take them to their “important meetings” (read as expense account lunches). Don’t expect to be moving over for Sharon Ni Bheolain though she only travels by unicorn and magic carpet. Continue reading

Delay In Welfare Payments To Affect 32,700

Some Social Welfare payments will be delayed by one day this week due to a technical error, the Department of Social Protection has said.

The Department said around 32,700 people who would normally receive a payment into their bank account today will not receive their payment until tomorrow morning. The issue affects payments made by Electronic Funds Transfer and is due to a one-off processing issue, the Department said. Continue reading

Mayor Warns E-Welfare Will Kill Rural Post Offices

Mayor of Clare Cllr Pat Daly has warned that Government plans to move the payment of social welfare in Ireland to a solely electronic system will have a devastating effect on rural post offices in his county. Mayor Daly urged Minister for Social Protection Joan Burton to reconsider the plans, given what he called the “negative social and economic implications” of the move.

Continue reading

News in Brief-Optimistic Irish Love Their Mammies

The Social Welfare system has come into disrepute as a small group of staff members are investigated for diverting funds. This socially unfair practice has seen money transferred to personal bank accounts as well as “unworthy applicants” with eight cases handed to the Public Accounts committee. Continue reading

News in Brief-Ireland Honoured For Rude Place Names As Nuns Run Riot In Kerry

irelandfromspaceIreland has been honoured with inclusion on British Geo Technologists online list of ’vaguely rude place names’. Locations on the list include Muff in Donegal and Nobber in Meath. Gary Gale, a geo technologist aimed to combine the British love of innuendo with actual geography and has created the interactive map, charting places around the world with names that will cause titters. Continue reading

Advertisements
Advertisements