Posts Tagged ‘ Taoiseach ’

News in Brief: Quinn Jumps Before He’s Pushed

NIB's favourite artistes (image courtesy: planetjedward.net)

NIB’s favourite artistes (image courtesy: planetjedward.net)

In what can only be described as typical, Enda Kenny’s put his foot firmly into his mouth -this week he’s been calling Joan-people! People, he’s been calling people fat, according to Micheal Martin anyway. The Fianna Fail leader accused the Taoiseach of being fattist following questioning over the decision to suspend gastric band operations. In a bid to save money Enda suggested the waiting patients go for a jog instead and cut out the Supermacs: ‘prevention is better than cure’ to which Martin took offence. He reckons obese people are subject to ‘the last acceptable form of discrimination’, although conceded this couldn’t be applied to James Reilly.

In other political news Ruairi Quinn has been retired! Well jumped, before he was pushed, out of Leinster House. What does this mean for us?! NIB hears you all cry. Oh no sorry, you were wondering about your World Cup Office sweepstake now USA are out. Continue reading

News in Brief – Bins, Ming and the Taoiseach’s Things

Ming Campainging for BOI to Keep our Fur!

Ming campaigning for BOI to Keep our Fur!

A 90-year-old woman is being pursued by debt collectors for a €14 bin fine. That’s right, while the world crumbles and Ming Flanagan seems our most viable option for Europe, Dublin City Council want their €14 back! The woman, who has not been named, lives alone in inner-city Dublin and became the subject of the debt collectors interest over an unpaid bill dating back to the privatisation of Dublin’s waste collection services. Four letters were sent threatening aggressive legal action and publication in Stubbs Gazette. Well done lads, what a lovely bunch you are, can NIB point you in the direction of a Mr Shatter who owes us €70k?

A painting by Michael Flatley tops the list of the Taoiseach’s most expensive gifts. The painting title ‘The Irish Potato Famine’ was created by Flatley daubing his feet in paint and dancing on a canvas (and you can tell) and has been valued at €5000. Other gifts include a golden replica of the Mecca Royal Hotel Clock Tower (Enda’s a bingo fan), a bust of JFK, a bottle of booze from the Queen and a boat. So that’s nice isn’t it? Good old Enda. NIB got three pairs of tights last Christmas . . . Continue reading

News in Brief: MP Suggests Ireland Join British Commonwealth

 

michaelfabricant

Tory MP With A Great Thatch

The Cabinet is being rifled with again, like a bowl of crap crisps at a party. Apparently the Taoiseach has said it will be in September after the European elections and could see Ruairi Quinn sent to the back of the class in the Department of Education. A senior source though has said no one really knows what’s going on. Sure if they don’t know who’s in charge of what, how will we know who to complain about?

A fella in Dublin is complaining, about his complete lack of golfing ability. In fact he is selling his clubs after coming to the realisation ‘I’m a danger to both myself and everyone else on the golf course’. Aww. The vendor, Ciaran, has declared himself the worst golfer in the world and is also selling some other golfing kit on Done Deal, ‘Also included is a Sureshot GPS unit for measuring distance to front/middle/ back of green on each hole. Please note this is only of use if you have any balls left to hit.’ Continue reading

News in Brief- Cork Ice Cream Men Brawl As President Visits UK

bertiesuperman

Two ice cream men have themselves whipped up into a frenzy as both face charges for assault. Frederick Williams (31), of Gurranabraher, Cork and Alan O’Halloran (29), from Churchfield, Cork have begun a turf war over the best ice cream spots in the second city after things got a little out of hand. An altercation became violent and, it has been claimed, one of the men reached into the other’s van and ‘pulled his ice cream lever’. (Please insert your own appropriate ice cream pun).

Did you know?! RTE spends over €1,000 a day on hair and make-up and that’s not just on the upkeep of Brian Dobson’s coiffure! In figures revealed by The Sun, RTE haven’t been holding back when it comes to making sure their stars look radiant, glowing and like they’ve spent the last 20 minutes in a very hot oven. That’s not all though €18,682 went on food and drink for the Late Late green room in one year. That’s not just any backstage food, that’s M&S backstage food. Continue reading

Love/Hate : An Alternative Look

lovehate

The penultimate series of Love/Hate finished last night with fans somewhat aggrieved that only two mid card characters met a gruesome death.

Here we take a look back at the hit show to date, explaining all amidst the backdrop of the Irish government.

Nigel “Nidge” Delaney – The Taoiseach

So starting at the top of the food chain, we have Nidge. The replacement to former Taoiseach, John-Boy, R.I.P. , who did not get to retire with a state pension. Nidge acts like a boss simply cause he is the boss. As well as the post of Taoiseach he also doubles up as the Minister for Finance. Nidge is a busy boy, agitated constantly from his sheer work load he keeps everything going, allocates finance where necessary and watches the budget with hawk eyes. He, like all bosses , has had to make some big and hurtful decisions so far in his career. He has had to let staff go with a bang to ensure that the State stays afloat. He has had to be ruthless to repel any ideas of him being overturned. He is not a big fan of democracy, he would rather be a dictator. What you wouldn’t say to Nidge, ‘Did you have Darren clipped?’. Continue reading

News in Brief – Corrupt Government To Silence The Internet As Leaving Cert Cheaters Face Anxious Wait

frted

Do you smell like sheep s***? Do people avoid you because of your stink? Are you a hardened farmer with his own willies and appropriate tan? If you can drive a bullet proof John Dere you could be in luck , Pope Francis may have the job for you! Apparently the Pope wants his bishops to be real shepherds, actual shepherds, with sheep. No not really, but he wants them to be leaders of their flock, part of the farm, a bishop in wolves clothing even. Or sheets clothing anyway. Continue reading

News in Brief-Shatter’s Racy Novel Returns While Irish Biscuit Gambler Isn’t a Jammie Dodger

A cardinal at the Vatican at the beginning of the week, claimed Enda Kenny wasn’t making sense, after the Taoiseach reportedly asked: ’How do you like your eggs in the morning? Raising eyebrows Enda went on to say: ’I’m a teapot and I’ve made some terrible mistakes in regards to our country’s future but I’m really, really sorry and that. It’s not you, it’s your beard.’ It’s unclear who he was referring to. Continue reading

Changes Made As Protection Of Life During Pregnancy Bill Is Unveiled

Earlier yesterday afternoon, the Cabinet concluded and agreed the Protection Of Life During Pregnancy Bill 2013. In short, this means that in certain circumstances it should now be legal for a woman to receive a medical termination if her life is at risk due to the pregnancy.

The meeting this morning came after discussion was deferred yesterday, due to on going disagreements. The final wording of the legislation has now been agreed on, and is due to be published shortly. Once it’s published, the process of passing the legislation through the Oireachtas begins. TD’s will get a chance to examine the contents in the Dáil. Continue reading

Report Says State Was Involved In Magdalene Laundries

MLAfter an 18 month investigation, and a few lengthy delays, a report into the Magdalene Asylums of Ireland has finally been released, and it concluded what most of those involved in the advocacy group ‘Justice For Magdalenes’ already suspected – the State was indeed involved in these industries. It had long been claiming that these were private industries, run by the Church and the Church alone – but the fact of reality is that the Catholic Church essentially was the State. Continue reading

Over One Third to Boycott Household Charge

At the time of writing, more than 530,000 Irish citizens are intent on breaking the law. In an unprecedented act of defiance, a sizeable amount of Irish homeowners are planning on refraining from paying the newly-introduced Household Charge of €100. The results of a Paddy Power RedC poll conducted earlier this week indicate that 39 per cent of those eligible for the tax will not pay it.

The 61 per cent of those polled who intend to pay the charge – or have already done so – is primarily made up of older people, while almost half of those aged between 18 and 54 surveyed say they will refuse to pay.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, coalition supporters are the most likely to pay the charge; 77 per cent of Fine Gael voters and 26 per cent of Labour advocates declared they will have paid up by Saturday’s deadline. In stark contrast, 72 per cent of Sinn Féin supporters are adamant they will not pay, as are 43 per cent of Fianna Fáil voters and 44 per cent of Independent supporters. The latter takes in backers of the Socialist Party and the United Left Alliance – both political groups have been extremely vocal in their disapproval of the charge.

Of those questioned, 65 per cent said the tax was unfair, and 72 per cent said they would prefer a charge for use of services rather than a flat tax.

This latest survey will no doubt come as another blow to the under-fire government. Nevertheless, Taoiseach Enda Kenny remains optimistic that people will “measure up” and “obey the law”. He did concede, however, that: “The government can only function where it gets the cooperation and the support of the people.” Despite a late surge in those registering to pay the tax, the figure remains well shy of the 1.6 million homeowners who are liable. Even members of Kenny’s cabinet are dubious as to whether or not the majority of people will pay up before this weekend’s deadline. Transport Minister Leo Varadkar admitted it would probably take until the end of the year before those who have paid reached 80 to 90 per cent.

Joe Higgins of the Socialist Party is among those TDs who have urged house owners to boycott the tax in an act of mass revolt against austerity. He said: “This is the first time in the history of this State that such a massive movement of this kind has been crystallised in this way. It’s people power.” 

Thousands of demonstrators have attended nationwide protests against the charge, while others have called for an extension to the 31 March deadline – a suggestion Environment Minister Phil Hogan immediately shot down.

Active Retirement Ireland has said they have been inundated with calls from elderly people who are confused as to how to pay. The organisation’s CEO, Maureen Kavanagh, has criticised the government for sending out conflicting messages in relation to the charge. She said: “The problem has been around the information that was given out, particularly over the weekend, where Minister Hogan said that council officials may be calling door to door to collect the charge has led to fears of bogus callers.”

Problems with the Household Charge website have also been reported, with many people voicing their annoyance at having to make several attempts to pay the charge before it was processed correctly. Further frustration was evident when it came to light that those who live in estates with even a single property unfinished are exempt from the charge due to a loophole in the legislation. As the results of last year’s census released today show that there were 289,451 vacant dwellings in Ireland at that time, 14.5 per cent of all houses in the state, the figure of those who are ineligible to pay could be quite substantial.

On Monday Fine Gael TD Brian Hayes, said that if the government couldn’t raise the estimated €160 million from the household charge, they may have to look into raising personal taxation. Figures obtained today from the Department of the Environment show that fewer than one third of homes in Ireland have paid the charge. People who do not pay the tax will face financial penalties which will increase monthly.