Advertisements

Posts Tagged ‘ Triggs ’

News in Brief-Ulster Bank and Centra in Trouble As Burglary Victim Forced To Pick Gardai Up

A priceless piece of art in the National Gallery has been damaged in an isolated incident. The only work by Claude Monet owned by the National is now having repairs to a hole made in it by forty-seven year old Andrew Shannon from Dublin. Details are still unclear as to what was done to the painting or why but one thing is certain the work, ‘Argenteuil Basin with a Single Sail Boat’ won’t be worth much Monet anymore!

      Centra have had a slap of the wrist after including an alcohol offer on an advertisement for Child Allowance day reductions. The company was criticised for appearing to suggest forty bottles of Budweiser were the best thing to buy with your benefits as 1 in 11 children in Ireland live with a parent with an alcohol problem.
 
        Fianna Fail Senator Averil Power said, “Centra’s cynical promotion is insulting to parents who are struggling to pay for the basics and certainly won’t be spending their money on beer.” But the cake, ice-cream and biscuits also part of the advertisement are presumably the kind of necessities that are top of their lists? Specially as 1 in five Irish children are obese. Two for one on fags I say! Buy a gun, get one free! No?
 
Fancy some government debt? Try eBay. Minister for Finance Michael Noonan has done particularly well at auction selling off €500 million in short-term government debt. The bills sold, reach maturity in October, no interest is paid on them and the government must pay them in full when they reach maturity. Noonan called the sale a, “very important milestone on Ireland’s continuing path to recovery”. I just hope he understands it more than I do.
 
       A quick round of applause for Ulster Bank Chief Executive, Jim Brown who has said he will turn down this year’s bonus after the unmitigated disaster that has been Ulster Bank’s computer problems. Thanks Jim.
 
And while we’re at it one for An Post. They spectacularly spent €80,000 on eight Italian-made Cargo scooters for use on Dublin’s mail routes. They were painted, branded, tested and trialled and found to be useless. The scooters have now been sold to a businessman from Letterkenny who bought each bike at a reduced price of €1,500. I’m sure he thought it a redletter day.
 
       A victim of a burglary was forced to go and pick up Gardai after she was told there were no patrol cars for them to use. The woman, from Newtowncunningham in Co. Donegal initially reported the incident a her home, before being told she had the choice of waiting for the nearest patrol car, which was 9km away at the Carrigans station, or collecting the Gardai herself to investigate the incident.
 
Guards aren’t the only ones who have stopped cruising, after the announcement of a split between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (see what I did there?). Katie Holmes, most famous for playing Joey in Dawson’s Creek and Tom for being a seriously strange Scientologist, are now set to play their biggest roles yet in an acrimonious and media maintained divorce.
 
In other more interesting news; Pudsey, the pooch that won Britain’s Got Talent with his dancing owner Ashleigh, has signed a publishing contract worth £350,000. That’s right he can dance, he can write, but can he do his own stunts? ‘Pudsey: My Autobiography’ comes on the tail of Roy Keane’s dog Triggs also releasing a biography this year. Who will be next, Bo Obama? Tinkerbell Hilton? It’s a dog’s life.
Advertisements

News in Brief:Keano’s Dog Barks From Beyond The Grave As Jedward Flop

In the news this week, Roy Keane’s dog, Triggs, has today (Friday) released his posthumous autobiography  chronicling the trials and tribulations of the famous pet and his owner. Written by Paul Howard (Ross O’Carroll-Kelly) ‘Triggs: The Autobiography of Roy Keane’s Dog’ lets us into the intimate world of one man and, his dog.

We learn of Triggs as ‘TV lover, hypochondriac, noted wit,’ as well as finding out what really happened with Mick McCarthy – Triggs initially learnt of his pet footballers resignation from the Irish Squad through papers and the television as he was lodged in a Manchester boarding kennel at the time. The book offers an interesting look at life for a key player in Irish soccer and Roy Keane’s life. Giving us paws for thought maybe?
 
We’re not mentioning Jedward this week. Well, ok, quickly. So we didn’t win Eurovision, did we really expect to? What must the rest of Europe think of Ireland and our terrible twins? At least more than poor old Humperdinck.
Music is a massive part of Irish culture and has been recognised as such by FAS, who are to launch a new course this year in Event Planning. The state training agency aims to introduce twenty new students to a course in everything from hiring security to setting up a festival site. Fantastic! You say, everyone loves Oxegen! And Slane Castle! Summer Sessions in Dublin, Flatlake in Monaghan … But hang on, haven’t they all been cancelled? If you throw enough mud at a wall it will stick and likewise it seems if you throw enough money at FAS (or Solas, as they are being re-branded) they’ll find more and more ridiculous ways to spend it.
 
A quick note on the fiscal treaty; the country has voted and the votes are being counted as we speak. We’re yet to see which way it will go but early polls suggest the ‘yes’ side is moving ahead.
 
Some parts of the country though are in reverse. Clones in Monaghan has recently re-introduced the Punt in an attempt to revitalise their ailing town and the financial market. Customers are invited to splash the old cash in return for Euro vouchers to be used in stores in Clones. The idea of …. to make the most of a legal loop-hole – meaning the Punt is still tender – offers a conversion rate of 1 Punt to 1 Euro 20. You may say they are literally punting for business!
That’s enough of the bad punts (punts, puns! Get it?!) No really. Enough. But in line with Irish culture, in the news this week, new research shows we think people ‘know us’ if they know how to make our preferred cup of tea, with one in five of us judging people on their tea-making skills. Hardly groundbreaking I’m sure you’ll agree, but the research has thrown up some other interesting statistics; eighty percent of Irish people drink tea everyday and of those eighty, thirty dread calls from the bank. So there we have it, scientific fact, Ireland hates its banks but loves its tea. As long as it’s wet and warm, we’ll never say no to a cup.
 
The country itself is also getting wetter  and warmer. Met Éireann have released a report that shows the temperature of Ireland has increased by 0.75 degrees over the last 20 years, while Valentia Observatory in Co Kerry has examined rainfall between 1981 and 2010, and the equivalent 1961 and 1990 and found an extra month’s worth of rain in recent years. Long, hot, music festival free summer stretching ahead?Alright I suppose, if you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain.
Advertisements
Advertisements