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Posts Tagged ‘ water ’

News In Brief: Rainy Day As Austerity Goes Away

It's coming lads! (image courtesy: rock.genius.com)

It’s coming lads! (image courtesy: rock.genius.com)

Time for another game of `Who Said What this Week?` And guess who features, again, Joan Burton, obviously.

So what was it this week that was getting Joan’s knickers all twisted? She was speaking out about the news that tech giants Facebook and Apple are now going to pay for female employees to have their eggs frozen saying, she was `not a fan`. Hang on, does NIB agree? Oh god, we never thought this would happen, agreeing with Joan Burton (although she wasn’t exactly rocking the boat), let’s move quickly on… Continue reading

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News in Brief – Another Week , Another Scandal

rehab

NIB is currently sitting by a cup of cold coffee and some stale cream crackers (the glamour of working from home), Enda Kenny meanwhile is standing by the boss of Irish Water. Presumably he hasn’t got much on and just fancied a stand.

Tayto Park, home of the spud, has been banned from adding any new animals to its zoo after inspectors found “overweight” racoons and evidence of “inappropriate breeding”. Ohh err. Officials from the National Parks and Wildlife Service were following up on a previous ban in 2012 when animals were found to be stressed out and living in poor conditions. It is a theme park based around crisps let’s remember. On their return visit the inspectors were still not satisfied and Tayto have now been ordered not to add to their menagerie for the forseeable. The racoons will have to lay off the cheese and onion, as for the inappropriate breeding . . . Continue reading

News in Brief – Water Scandal Breaks As Kemp Fears Dublin Death

rosskemp

50, 85, 100, 180, not the winning Lotto numbers but the ever climbing bill for Irish Water. Imagine. We’ve been paying for our water through our tax contributions for years, so surely now paying a fee for it shouldn’t incur extra cost, if anything it should just be cash in the bank shouldn’t it? Wrong. Actually, water, the thing that falls freely from the sky a lot, is going to cost us a fortune in IT systems. And it was necessary for a lot of consultants to consult on this before consulting with the Government about how much more consultations and cash were needed. If only the Government had “consulted” NIB, we could have told them it would cost a lot and basically sounds like a crap plan, all for a pint and a packet of Tayto. NIB thinks it was Phil Hogan that said; ‘You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.’ An awful lot of expensive consultancy eggs. Continue reading

News in Brief-Silly Season Arrives As Fannygate Erupts

norrisWhat a week full of exciting, exhilarating and other ex- words news. Oh no it wasn’t, NIB was lying.

What has happened this week?

David Norris has won the inaugural NIB award for best quote of the year. The “controversial” senator accused Fine Gael TD Regina Doherty of ’talking through her fanny’ in relation to her comments of the abolition of the Seanad. Amazing. Continue reading

News in Brief-Irish Lap Up Weather As Boris Rejects GAA Invite

ORANGE WARNING: IT’S too hot! The EU has ruled Ireland must enter Summer austerity as the heat wave continues leaving some parts of the Island hotter than popular holiday destinations and a severe shortage of paddling pools. Met Eireann’s expert Harm Luijkx accounted for the heat, it’s due to : ’long periods of sunshine every day.’ Tax the sun, tax the sun! NIB warned this day would come! Continue reading

News in Brief-Ireland Fussy About Threesomes As Drugs Find Is A Real Kinder Surprise

There were three in the bed and the little one said, ’I don’t think James Reilly will like this’. Yes the threesome furore that has only been pushed from the papers since we found out Tubridy earns more than most people make in a lifetime. But there is actually a very innocent explanation behind the SpunOut.ie website. What with all this cold weather we’re having it makes sense to all bundle into bed together for warmth. Minister Reilly’s just got a dirty mind. Continue reading

News in Brief-Unsafe Water,Ronan Seeks To Cash In On Marriage Blues And Ireland Prepares To Welcome Katie Home

Water way to start the week in Dublin. Thousands of people in the North of the city were notified that their water was unsafe for drinking on Tuesday after a routine test on Sunday showed the supply to be contaminated with bacteria. Water tankers were brought in to provide residents of the St Lawrence supply zone and the council hopes to have the problem resolved by the end of the week.

         Katie Taylor will be bringing a big lump of metal back into the country following her win in ladies light-weight boxing at London 2012. The Wicklow woman will return to a big party, the planning of which is already underway, let’s hope she’s not a light-weight out of the ring.
          The Labour Party’s Intercultural Group has called for those employed in public roles to attend “sensitivity training”. This would include judges and councillors that have to deal with the public on a frequent basis. The call comes after Judge Mary Devins branded state welfare a ‘Polish charity’. Firm plans for what this training would involve have not been outlined, although Karen McCormack, co-chairperson of the group highlighted the importance of language, the fecker. To save the time and money this would obviously involve let us all remember the well-worn phrase of our mothers; if you’ve nothing nice to say, don’t say anything.
          Terence Ming Flanagan could do with heeding this advice. The controversial TD has been criticised this week for a ’viscious, unprovoked, verbal attack’ on Ceann Comhairle Sean Barrett in the corridors of Leinster House. On being asked to publicly apologise, Ming took to his Facebook page to further insult Mr Barrett suggesting he enjoys ’guzzling pints’ – handbags at Dail!
         Ronan Keating has claimed that leaving his wife of fourteen years Yvonne has given him back his music muse. Blaming his unhappy marriage on being unable to write a hit, Keating is now looking forward to turning his marriage crash into hard cash. It’s a bit unfair to blame the ex-missus he couldn’t write many hits before he married her either.
And finally Ryan Tubridy has got himself a Vespa. Downgrading from his regular Jaguar Saloon the RTE figurehead’s pay has also been downgraded by thirty percent. But he won’t let that get him down, or get in his way scooting about the city telling the tabloids ‘he’s totally OK with it’. That would be because of all the mountains of cash he’s already earnt and is still earning even after a thirty percent cut. Would he be so blasé on benefits?
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