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Posts Tagged ‘ weather ’

News In Brief: Rainy Day As Austerity Goes Away

It's coming lads! (image courtesy: rock.genius.com)

It’s coming lads! (image courtesy: rock.genius.com)

Time for another game of `Who Said What this Week?` And guess who features, again, Joan Burton, obviously.

So what was it this week that was getting Joan’s knickers all twisted? She was speaking out about the news that tech giants Facebook and Apple are now going to pay for female employees to have their eggs frozen saying, she was `not a fan`. Hang on, does NIB agree? Oh god, we never thought this would happen, agreeing with Joan Burton (although she wasn’t exactly rocking the boat), let’s move quickly on… Continue reading

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News in Brief: Heatwave Prompts D’Arcy To Court The Snip

American consumption of Kerrygold is all wrong (image: yumkid.com)

American consumption of Kerrygold is all wrong (image: yumkid.com)

NIB hopes you have all sufficiently wept at our silence last week, we were away, topping up our milky tan. In the meantime it’s been hot lads, fierce hot. Mammies are making salads for god’s sake, the end is nigh.

It’s obviously getting to Ray D’Arcy who’s going to have the snip, live, on his show on Today FM. The decision came about after discussing the operation with a doctor, as most good decisions do. As the doc explained the simple procedure D’Arcy, in a heat wave reckoned he’d do it, while everyone at home listened. Whether he goes through with it is yet to be decided but rumours are TV3 are already planning a spin-off ‘Celebrity Castration: Live’ to air in the same slot as the Late Late. Continue reading

News In Brief- Knowing Me, Knowing Who?

fatherted

Rebekah Brooks (former News of the World) has said this week she didn’t know phone hacking was illegal and that she couldn’t have that fella’s croissant and his new Lamborghini without asking either. She may have known what the celebs were getting up to on their nights off but she didn’t know she wasn’t meant to know. Ah. God love her.

Similarly Peter Robinson, up north, didn’t know the PSNI had sent a letter to a Republican “on-the-run” to tell him he wasn’t wanted anymore. Peter immediately called for a judicial review and issued a threat to resign, a threat that sank faster than Jesus’ pint after forty days in the desert. Not that Peter’s threat actually meant anything to anyone, except perhaps his wife. Continue reading

News in Brief-Unionist Lashes Out At Eastenders GAA Jersey

eastenders

Is anyone else starting to think a bit of timely hacking now, might clear up this whole GSOC surveillance mess that continues to dominate the press? Be warned readers, while we are being told to look away by Alan Shatter, something much more sinister is going on elsewhere.

Such as the hike in cabbage prices. It’s true. Apparently ‘St. Patrick’s Day revellers are set to be hit by a cabbage shortage and escalating prices ahead of the annual festivities’ according to IrishCentral.com. Can you imagine? Paddy’s day without any cabbage, what will we – wait. How much cabbage do you normally eat on March 17th? NIB would guess not much, eating is cheating after all and Paddy’s day is New Year’s Eve mark 2. It’s the weather anyway that’s to blame apparently, cabbages have been particularly hit by the cold snap, not to mention they’re floating through Cork at the moment. Continue reading

It Could Be You

lotto

The advertisements say, ‘it could be you’, and it could be, but it’s highly unlikely. It’s 8,145,060 to 1, to be exact to come up with the winning combination of numbers. But what is the National Lottery doing to our society? After the weather it’s probably the most talked about subject in silence filling conversation. The advertisements are becoming more and more frequent. They appear to be targeting a younger market and playing the lottery is now available seven days a week. Continue reading

News in Brief-Irish Lap Up Weather As Boris Rejects GAA Invite

ORANGE WARNING: IT’S too hot! The EU has ruled Ireland must enter Summer austerity as the heat wave continues leaving some parts of the Island hotter than popular holiday destinations and a severe shortage of paddling pools. Met Eireann’s expert Harm Luijkx accounted for the heat, it’s due to : ’long periods of sunshine every day.’ Tax the sun, tax the sun! NIB warned this day would come! Continue reading

News in Brief-Pope Exploits Nuns As Saviour Bono Celebrates Birthday

Aer Lingus passengers have dropped. Passenger numbers, passenger numbers. Don’t panic. The airline apparently blames the timing of Easter this year, for the decrease in 2.5 pc. Bloody Jesus.

If only the low cost airline had been around in 2345 BC when Ireland suffered twenty years of rain. Twenty years. Everyone would have been desperate to get away. Apparently a volcanic eruption caused the flood – tying in nicely with the dates for Noah’s grand cruise – loading the atmosphere with dust and cooling the earth’s temperature. Apparently these freak weather events occur every thousand or so years, with the last in 540 AD, so we’re overdue another. Continue reading

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