Posts Tagged ‘ zoo ’

News in Brief – Another Week , Another Scandal

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NIB is currently sitting by a cup of cold coffee and some stale cream crackers (the glamour of working from home), Enda Kenny meanwhile is standing by the boss of Irish Water. Presumably he hasn’t got much on and just fancied a stand.

Tayto Park, home of the spud, has been banned from adding any new animals to its zoo after inspectors found “overweight” racoons and evidence of “inappropriate breeding”. Ohh err. Officials from the National Parks and Wildlife Service were following up on a previous ban in 2012 when animals were found to be stressed out and living in poor conditions. It is a theme park based around crisps let’s remember. On their return visit the inspectors were still not satisfied and Tayto have now been ordered not to add to their menagerie for the forseeable. The racoons will have to lay off the cheese and onion, as for the inappropriate breeding . . . Continue reading

News In Brief-Kilkenny Man’s Hitler Cake Courts Controversy

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There are monkeys loose in Belfast. Actual monkeys, running about, acting the maggot. They escaped from Belfast Zoo and have since been blamed for trouble in the Holy Lands, excessive drinking, late night parties and defecating in the street. (For those that don’t know the Holy Lands are a notoriously student populated part of the city. You’ve probably seen the area on the news when the lads have set light to a car.) Still, if you can’t beat ’em join ’em is what Martin McGuinness and First Minister Peter Robinson are reported to have said in a joint statement.

VAT on hurleys is to remain the same at 23% despite ash dieback affecting the trees they’re made from. We’ll be forced to make sliotars from spuds and our sticks from ham sandwiches! It’s not really a joke though, despite the issue being brought to the attention of a certain Noo-Nar man it was rejected as VAT can only be reduced in very “limited cases”, like if you’re a multi-billion dollar technology company. The trees may be dying off but soon it’ll be the hurley makers business dying back. Continue reading