News in Brief-Unionist Lashes Out At Eastenders GAA Jersey


Is anyone else starting to think a bit of timely hacking now, might clear up this whole GSOC surveillance mess that continues to dominate the press? Be warned readers, while we are being told to look away by Alan Shatter, something much more sinister is going on elsewhere.

Such as the hike in cabbage prices. It’s true. Apparently ‘St. Patrick’s Day revellers are set to be hit by a cabbage shortage and escalating prices ahead of the annual festivities’ according to Can you imagine? Paddy’s day without any cabbage, what will we – wait. How much cabbage do you normally eat on March 17th? NIB would guess not much, eating is cheating after all and Paddy’s day is New Year’s Eve mark 2. It’s the weather anyway that’s to blame apparently, cabbages have been particularly hit by the cold snap, not to mention they’re floating through Cork at the moment.

In other silly news this week a unionist councillor up North has hit out at EastEnders for promoting the activities of the IRA. Never mind the fact half the square could all be serving life for the various murders of their family and friends, the wearing of a Ballymena school GAA shirt by a pub-landlord’s (Danny Dyer) daughter, was seen to be endorsement of dissident activities tantamount to a parade. Willie Frazer went as far as to suggest the wardrobe department were up to something, or the actress herself saying; “What is the message it sends out? The answer is clearly there is republican sympathy afoot and in my opinion, something much more sinister. I see this as the promotion of terror on TV entertainment and it has to stop.” Yes Willie. Just wait there while we go and get the doctor.

An Irish cow called Ella is set to be heralded in the next edition of the Guinness Book of Records as the World’s Smallest. The Dexter cow from Sligo is only 31 inches tall, two inches shorter than the previous title holder from England. But, according to Ella’s farmer, she will spend the rest of her days on the farm, despite her world-wide fame. You can’t put her in a penthouse, she’s going back to her plough.

Rugby pundit Neil Francis will be writing a review of an all-male production of Swan Lake after being accused of making homophobic slurs. According to Francis sportsmen don’t like ballet, as intrinsically gay as the highly skilled dance art form is. His comments surrounded a discussion of homophobia in sport and caused an unsurprising backlash. To assuage the pitchfork mob he has agreed to critique the man-on-man love story to prove reassure doubters he’s not actually a massive plonker. A free night at the ballet? NIB’s not sure that’s any kind of punishment.

‘Sinkhole nearly ate my tractor’ is the kind of headline NIB can get on board with. Farmer Eddie Cavanagh (63) and his son Brian (28) from Kilkenny are now hoping no more appear to swallow their machinery after a 10×16 metre sinkhole opened up on one of their fields. A field they had been in the day before. They could have been swallowed into the earth! If they’d been in just the right spot at just the right time rather than at home watching the telly, still ‘I’ve seen a sinkhole’ isn’t quite the kind of headline that will sell papers.

That’s it for this week NIB’s off to stock up on cabbages. Good luck.

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