Christmas No.1: All That They Want
In Kilmore Quay, Wexford there was such a thing as a free lunch yesterday as local skipper Jimmy Byrne of the Saltees Quest, owned by Séamus O’Flaherty, staged at protest at EU fishing regulations. The boat, against regulations came in carrying over its EU quota which states all surplus must be thrown back in to the sea. The crew then boxed up the fish and gave it free to the public. Mr Byrne said; “I have a certain quota of fish to catch and the monkfish end up getting caught. There’s more monkfish in Ireland than ever before. I can’t tell the monkfish not to go into the net.” The best fish in life are free.
Also in Wexford, in Enniscorthy, dogs have been attacking sheep. One farmer who has lost four of his flock described the rest of his sheep as being “deeply traumatised”.
There has been a crack-down on illegal drugs for sale in the North as part of operation Pangea V – sounds more like a shampoo. The curtailing of sale of these drugs including 55,000 benzodiazepine sedatives plus erectile dysfunction tablets is nothing to get excited about as they are potentially life-threatening.
Junior Cert reforms are under way with second level students of 2014 now to be examined under the new system. Learning to learn rather than learning to remember has caused controversy amongst students and teachers. Both the Teachers’ Union of Ireland (TUI) and the Association of Secondary Teachers of Ireland (ASTI) have criticised the plans and questioned how much more work this will create for teachers but it will be 2020 till we really see the results.
Enda Kenny assured there will be no cuts to child allowance. Instead, in a display of great insight, children will be cut – in half! All parents are urged to reduce the cost of their kids by reducing their size and consider cutting of arms or legs, less child requires less food and clothing.
Kids are too fat anyway according to a new statement by Safefood’s director of human health and nutrition, Dr Cliodhna Foley Nolan. Nolan has suggested weight and waste measurements are taken as regularly as eye tests to cut down on the number of overweight kids and obesity related health problems. Sen Crown, a doctor specialising in cancer medicine, blamed obesity as a risk factor for a number of cancers, adding that “surprisingly” you’ll do better in treatment if you’re not obese. Who knew?!
In celeb news the reunion we’ve all been waiting for is finally on the cards. Of course I mean Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta. It may only be October but it’s the Christmas number one they want as the pair have confirmed they will be releasing a festive single this year.
Irish News Review 